Getting Organized. One Space at a Time.

My mother is great with her suggestions on organization. She watches more YouTube videos than my kids do. But always with a purpose. Recently, she told me to check out ClutterBug. I'm glad she did. That lady knows her stuff! She takes about 15 minutes a day to go through a place in her house and declutter. And it has been an eye opener for me. 

She has been doing this in a 30-day challenge set up. I've had to play catch up to some degree, but its worth it. I would suggest you take it in stride. Subscribe and get the notifications. Then get started. Watch the videos to the end to get some humor as well. 

Day 1 was to go through under the kitchen sink. My kitchen sink will never be so tidy with the buckets. But I did organize the types of cleaners I have. And was able to pull out a piece of trash and some scent stuff we will probably never use. Everything we have is easy to see and grab.

Day 2 had me going through food storage. While I only had one container to get rid of, it helped me to organize those plastic containers that I use often. 

Day 3 was to go through your dishes and bakeware. Again, we really only have what we use regularly. But I still took a look.

I found 2 lids to pots that I had tossed a while back. It gives you a chance to decide if you need it or just hold on because you can't let go. Or do you need to rearrange? Now is the perfect time. I know there are couple things my husband and I disagree on when it comes to tossing out. He has a panini maker press thingy (we have not used a single time since being together!) that he refuses to let go of. Then there is the vase at the top of the cabinets. He says I should keep it in case I get flowers (which was once...? back when we started dating?) I see no purpose to them, but he says no when I bring up donating them. "You never know" is usually the response.

Day 4 is that utensil drawer. I had a couple things in there that I really don't use. I had a bunch of kids utensils. You know the little character ones? My kids have outgrown them. So I decided to hang on to a couple for the baby and donate the rest. There were several... I found this in there. Anyone want to take a guess as to what it is? How about what it could be used for?

 Leave me a comment below!

Day 5 I looked in the fridge. We don't often have foods left over, and even if we do, they are usually eaten within a day or two. Unless we all can't stand it... Which is when you bite the "waste not, want not" bullet and say its time to go. Toss it out if you know no one will eat it anyways. Why grow a science project before letting it go?! 

Day 6 is when you jump into your freezer. How many of you buy something and try it only to find that everyone in the family hates it and it will never get eaten again because it is just that gross? But you tell yourself that the bag is nearly full. And how can you waste it? What if there was a way to make it better? Yeah... I did that with some meatballs. And cheesy chicken nuggets (Tyson). Those things were never going to be eaten by us. No matter how we tried. They were gross. So I tossed them. And felt better. Plus, I had more space! 

Day 7 was the pantry. I pulled out some crackers that had been there since my family visited for my wedding. It was a while before I realized they were even there to begin with. And every time I reached for crackers, I forgot about those. They were so stale when I finally did this... I also pulled out some canned beans. My kids and husband don't like beans. I buy them, intending to put them in my chili, but only I will eat them. So out they must go. That was all I had that we won't ever use. I'm frugal with my grocery shopping. I only buy things I know we will use. 

Day 8 is one I still shiver at. The junk drawer. *wants to melt into the carpet* Mine looked like a dangerous zone to traverse.

And its never so neat as hers was. I have manuals in it that have to stay with the place (we rent). I have twist ties in a baggie (we use these daily). There were tools and a chip clip.... I hate the junk drawer. Mostly because it is so chaotic. I do love how she tells you to test out pens and markers. How many can you find that have no ink left in them? Why do we throw them back in the drawers or desk cups?! Thankfully, we don't keep writing utensils in the junk drawer. Sadly, my "junk" isn't what really goes into this drawer either. But at least it looks a little better.

I pulled out my husbands tools to go in the garage. I moved everything around to fit better and be more visible as needed.

Day 9 is when you check out those linens. We don't have a set place for linens. Each kids room has sheets and blankets in the top. All of them should/could be used. But I checked anyhow. And I got to thinking. I'm washing their bedding so often, they don't need more than 2 sets for each boy. So while I only have that many sheet sets as it is, I did have 6 fleece blankets for them. I decided to pull out 2 of them. The adults linens are kept in a tote in my closet.

Plus there are our towels. Adult towels are in the top shelf of my closet. We have a lot of them, but my husband says to leave that number as is. So I don't take from the stacks. The kids have a stack under their bathroom sink. They have enough that I don't need to take from that stack either. Its enough to keep stocked and have extra for times when they get sick. I can clean out a full stack when a virus hits them like nobody's business. 

This is where I'll stop on this post. I will continue my organizing spree in another post to come. Don't forget to let me know what you think that thing is that I found in a drawer in a comment below. Or better yet, what use would you have for it? And what is the number one place that you hate having to clean or organize?

Finding Time

Do you always struggle to "find time"? It seems like that is the common theme among most bloggers. Mostly the Moms. You know what? I don't want to find time. I want to stretch my time. I feel like I need to make my time last longer. I need to rearrange my time. My goals, my priorities, my tasks... so often, they don't get done or not done when I wanted to have them done.

I have read so many tips on how to make everything fit. Still, I struggle. Let's face it. I have a loose Monday-Friday schedule that keeps me going with the kids school schedule. I have a from the kids leaving until the kids get back schedule that I sorta manage. I have things that need to get done daily, weekly, monthly. Yet, I feel like I don't get everything accomplished as I should. So I do what any rational woman would do in my place. I stress. Yes, I fret over it. Tell my husband that I haven't completed my to-do list. Tell him I can't nap when the baby does, even though she kept me up all night, because there is stuff to get done! His answer? "You always overdo it anyhow. Take a morning or afternoon off."

Not what I always want to hear, but so calming nonetheless. I make a list of things I want or need to get done. Sometimes I avoid doing certain tasks because they are annoying and I really don't want to until I have nothing else left to do. Then I give myself the kick in the pants I deserve. "Don't put off for tomorrow, what can be done today." "We are not guaranteed tomorrow, so live for today." Ever hear these? It is motivation to me. To step it up. To stop being "too tired". How many times do you use that excuse? That is all it really is. An excuse. 

Although, I will admit... There are days I should take a nap, but I tell myself to push and get another chore or task out the way while the baby sleeps. Even if she kept me up all night the night before. Even if I was tossing and turning in pain. Even if the dreams that plague my mind make my sleep a very restless one. And I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm wrong in doing so. You see, I get cranky when I don't sleep. And it hit me. I'm acting just like my toddler when I refuse to take a nap because I feel the urge to complete something else in the meantime. Kids fight sleep. So do adults. We just beat ourselves up over it to get away from it. 

So I'm stepping up to the plate and I want to do this right. I'm going to prioritize. The things that absolutely need to get done. They will be done. No more putting it off. No more excuses. At the same time, I'm not going to over fill my time either. Things can be stretched out. Errands? Run them, but make it one per day. Days fly by when you run around all over town. So take it one thing at a time. And as needed. This is going to be my new way of passing the weeks. No more will I stress about going everywhere in one run. I end up with headaches and something is always lost in the mix. 

When it comes to home, I'm taking it easy there too. I met another Mom in their neighborhood who talked about quitting her job to be a stay at home Mom. At first, she had the ambitions of doing everything we think we should do when we stay at home. And like all of us soon learn, she ran ragged. You just can't. You can't set your standards so high. I call it the TV show Mom syndrome. We see the perfect, prim moms on TV. They have a spotless house, drive a nice car, kids are well behaved, and the husband comes home to a hot meal and a well-dressed wife. They don't exist. Not unless they have a nanny or maid. Or both. In reality, I think we should satisfy ourselves to having a clean kitchen and getting 1-2 things scratched off the to-do list. If we can be happy with that, I have a hunch we would all feel a lot better.

Which one do you relate to? And what tips do you have for time?

A Whirlwind of a Week

You ever feel like time just slips by and suddenly you are asking yourself where did it go? This week has flown by so quickly, that I'm looking over each day and wondering, what did I do?! 

We have spent so much time celebrating my sons birthday. He had 3... no, 4 celebrations. He had cupcakes in his class, he had a mini party at our home, dinner with his dad, and a party at his Nona's house. 

My daughter wanted to be a mermaid for the costume parade at school. So I made her this little "bra". She wasn't thrilled with it after it kept falling down though...

We had to take our van in to get a recall part swapped out. And thank God for the blessings, it was exactly the part that was causing the van not to start some times! So now, the van works great and we didn't have to pay for the exchange. 

My daughter has been having trouble sleeping at night, so guess who needs a nap when she sleeps in the morning?

Our yard had to be torn up by the developers. Then, when they were digging their ditch, they cut my internet cord. That was a fun mess....

The week wasn't over yet. We still had the kids getting out of school early, going up to the in-laws place dressed as Mr. and Mrs. Vader,

a party for the oldest boy, and a stop at the comic book store. Halloween Comic Fest was here! I hope you looked up your local comic shop and saw what they had to offer. There were some photo ops to go with those free comic books at our local shops.

 

For my sons birthday weekend at his Nona's house, we also played with Nerf guns and carved pumpkins.

It has been a blast. While I enjoyed it, I'm still looking forward to it being calmer this week. I have some projects to knock out at around the house. How crazy are your weeks? Are you getting in the full holiday swing yet??

Learning to Let Go

As your children grow older, you might have a harder time accepting that they have likes and interests that vary from what you thought they liked or were into. They are changing. It can be so subtle at times, that we don't realize it until it slaps us in the face. 

I've been purging the house of things that we don't need, never use, or I really don't think we will have a use for anymore. We also cleaned out the storage closet under the stairs recently. I needed the Christmas decorations brought to the front, as soon we will find it is time to set up the tree and decorations. I also wanted to pull out the pre-pregnancy clothes that I have decided not to "hope" I will ever fit into again. This rear of mine has grown with the last pregnancy and I think its all hips. It's not going anywhere. (Which makes my husband a happy man.) While doing this, I noticed that we had accumulated 3 totes of books. I'm talking the 18 gallon-sized bins. Of books. So I got to thinking... I had been packing away books and swapping out kids books every so often with the hope that eventually we would own our own home and the kids could have a bookshelf with a lot of books they can read whenever they want. Its a great dream. But right now... its just a dream. We are probably not going to have a house for another year. Maybe two. So I pulled out all the books and sorted them. I even pulled out my books. I had tote filled with my personal collection and decided that if I'm going to truly make space, I need to start reading and/or pass along the ones I no longer plan to read. 

This was the first moment that I came to realize my kids were growing up and changing without me noticing. I had asked them to go through the stacks and put any books they loved and wanted to keep on the shelf. Anything they no longer wanted, would go in a separate stack on the floor. I was seeing books going into that stack of "get rid of" that shocked me. "But I thought you liked that one?" was my response a couple times. "Yes, but I think I want something else now." was the answer they gave. Wow! Who were these kids? When did they change and get bored with these favorites? But I accepted it. After all, they are growing up now. They read on their own. Okay the two oldest children do. My kindergartner is just now learning. It is time to adapt to their new interests. 

Then came another revelation. I went in my daughters' room. My oldest daughter is 5 years old now. She dresses herself and knows her style. We differ on what looks good, but I often respect her choices when she puts together an outfit. I go in there to grab something for the baby. That's when I saw it. Her overflowing drawer. That girl had too many clothes. More than any of the rest of us had. Her drawer was so full, she couldn't close it! It sat half open with clothes hanging out of it. I sat on the floor, pulled everything out, and began to stack them in piles. Pants here. Shorts there. Shirts in this stack. Skirts in a group. It was everywhere on her floor. I called her in. Mind you, this was as she was getting ready for bed on a school night. My husband gave me the "Really?" look. Yes, really. This was getting out of hand and I kept putting it off. "Let's go through your wardrobe, lady!" She loved doing this with me. She loves talking style with me. Me. The one who throws on whatever and has no fashion sense to save my life. She tells me what this shirt is good for. And this sparkly skirt is so "pretty". So I told her we were going to make sure each shirt she kept had to have matching bottoms. We kept all her pants. Winter is coming and I won't have her shivering because she got rid of the pants to keep the skirts. Which she would do. She wears dresses and skirts every chance she gets. Then I told her to pick 4 skirts and 4 shorts to keep. That should be enough. We matched a shirt to each one she picked and she made a pile of the clothes she no longer wanted. I'm sitting here thinking, "Surely that shirt is her favorite" - Nope! She tossed it out. "Okay, this shirt is a goner" - Nope! She "LOVES" that shirt mommy. Where have I been?! How did I not see this?? 

Then I was hanging the boys' shirts another day. They are both roughly the same size now though they are a year apart. They had over 25 shirts between the two of them! Time to pare down. I told each of them to pick their top favorite 10. No more than 10?! My younger son was freaking out... The shirts they didn't want were the ones I would have kept, while the ones they kept were the ones I thought were worn out. Instead of getting rid of the shirts they tossed out, however, I decided to set them aside in the top of their closet. They come home with holes in their clothes or rips from playing rough and falling down. So when that happens, I'll just swap out a shirt from the reserves. 

It was these most recent things that had me thinking. My kids are changing. And I didn't even notice. Same goes with games and pop culture things. They now love Plants vs Zombies. They talk about it all the time. We don't have those games at my house. So where is this coming from? Oh yeah, ex husband. They play it at his place and are addicted. I asked them why they never play the Lego Dimensions game. Know what they said? "We don't like it as much. Its boring." What?! Since when?? So I'm now packing that game and all its characters up to get rid of. 

When was the last time you noticed what your son or daughter was asking you for Christmas? My daughter likes My Little Pony now. She has moved away from the Minnie Mouse and Disney Princesses. She still likes princess stuff, but if given the choice between that and My Little Pony, she will choose the latter. 

Everyone keeps reminding me that I need to treasure these moments while I have them. One day they will be grown and gone and I will wonder what happened. In the meantime, I also need to pay more attention to what they like and dislike. To what they treasure and are willing to easily give up. Time really does pass us by so quickly. My oldest is turning 9 years old this Wednesday. NINE! Makes me feel so old... He is a gamer, Star Wars fanatic, excellent at spelling tests, and a story teller like no other. I couldn't be more proud of these things. He has his flaws, but he is growing. I can't wait to see what he grows into.

Can We Finally Close This Chapter?

I've been writing multiple posts about the bully situation my kids are facing at school and on the bus. I have to say, part of me is hopeful... part of me is still simmering. 

So what happened today?

I waited until 9AM this morning for a phone call from the school. The night before, I had decided that by 9, I'd be heading to the school to have an in-person chat with the vice principal. I was done. DONE! I wanted results. I wanted answers. While heading over there, the vice principal actually called me. I told her I was headed her way and would talk to her soon. Must have been a shocker. I can imagine the "Oh no" moment she must have had. But this needed to be settled. So I went in. And the talk we had, while friendly and professional, was most definitely laced with your classic customer service rhetoric. I should know. I worked retail for too many years. 

Basically, I learned that the lead bully, the little girl I mentioned before, was still pouncing on my children on the school grounds. She was being "sneaky" about it according the vice principal. And even this morning, she had been called to the office for her misconduct. Suffice it to say, she is a known deviant that they have had to deal with quite a bit. So it was no surprise that the information I laid out led the vice principal to admit that she too thought the little girl was a ring leader for the bully team. She was instigating the problem. 

In addition, while the buses have cameras on them, they are not all strategically placed. Some are on the front, some are in the backs above the doors, and some are in the middle and often obscured. What good does it do anyone if the cameras are not in a prime position?! Likewise, the vice principal does not have immediate access to the footage they record. Why it is her job, but she can't get the footage without going through a process, leaves me baffled. She has to contact the technology department of the transportation department to review and pull necessary footage and they have to then send her a copy of it. This is antiquated technology! It defeats the purpose of a speedy matter. While waiting for that, she has to make decisions that are required immediately. It's a sad thought. These kids are not all from the same class, same grade, same neighborhood. My son didn't even know his attackers name until I got on the bus after school yesterday and threatened every one of those kids to leave my kids alone! Yes, I told the vice principal that I did that. You know what response I got? A "Good for you!" *insert shocked look here* Wait, you are glad I got on that bus, confronted all those kids, and scared the pants off the boy who hurt my son?! Yes, yes she was. Why? According to her, those kids turn into animals when they get on the bus going home.And there is no one to stop them. 

So what came to be the conclusions of our discussions? Well, for starters, the little girl will now be restricted to the seat directly behind the bus driver. She will be forbidden to threaten, touch or otherwise have ill-conceived dealings with any other student, but especially my own. Her parents were to receive a phone call and a warning. If anything else happens involving her, she will be expelled for a time from using the bus at all. The boy who attacked my son, would be given a stern talking to and a warning since this was his first offense. His parents would also receive a phone call of his actions and the disciplinary actions taken. 

Hopefully that will clear up the bullying problems and all the kids can now rest a little easier when they board that bus to come home. I, however, still have a job to do. According the vice principal, she has been pushing the superintendents office to have an adult stationed on the buses to monitor and control the kids. The morning ride, they are docile creatures as they have not fully awakened or for most, even eaten yet. So that is typically not when an extra adult would be needed. But that ride home... that is when they are excited. They are awake. They go crazy. After all, they have been given freedom! They are going home. Time to play and be loose, right? Wrong. They are still under school supervision. There are no restraints. No seat belts. So what are they doing, besides picking on each other? How about jumping across the seats? How about throwing things? How about running up and down the aisle? And you cannot expect the bus driver to control them. They need to be focused on the street they are traversing. I'd rather they don't take their eyes from in front of them. Especially when we have drivers like this one in our own city! 

So why don't we have that extra adult supervising their trip home? The funding was cut. And until parents band together and demand it be reinstated, they see no need for it. Not until someone is seriously injured and sues the school... Which will happen eventually if those kids aren't controlled. 

So my task this weekend is to put together a petition. I plan to pass it around. To rally parents to this cause. We need safety that can only be afforded by someone keeping a watchful eye. Someone to keep dangerous acts from taking place. I understand that schools are strapped. But I can think of some things they don't need that could go to make money for what is truly needed. Especially for a school that has a serious bully issue running rampant. 

My plea to all of you parents out there is this, don't sit idly by. Know what is happening. I'm not saying you have to attend all the events or be a part of the PTA. I won't even go that far. But truly take the time to talk to and listen to your child. Know what they are facing. And make sure they are not afraid to speak out against the one who might be harming them. I will never forget the fear that the little boy had in his eyes when he tried to tell me he was fine after being in a choke-hold. Fear of the bully or fear of speaking up and not knowing what would happen. We tell our kids not to be tattle-tales, but do they know the difference between speaking up and tattling? We need to make sure they know.

When All Else Fails

Gotta say, I'm disappointed. Bullying has become so common place. Sadly though, the adults we tell our children to turn to, are just as bad as the kids. Because of my involvement and the lack of true support from the school, the situation has escalated. Now, I'm going to have to go in person and truly lay down the law with the Vice Principal herself. 

My kids have been banned from having any contact with three kids. These kids are known to me as liars, vandals, manner-less, and just downright mean. I've seen them in action and know what they are capable of. Their parents on the other hand are completely clueless. They think of their kids as great. But it has come to my attention that the girl in this group is the worst. Since being banned (reinforced by her father after I refused to bend to his attitude), she decided to torment my kids and any others who associate with them, in a roundabout way. In essence, she is having other kids do her dirty work so that she can continue to dominate the bus. Since when are second graders so devious?! 

My kids have been told to act like she is no more than a fly buzzing in their ears. You wouldn't talk to a fly, so why bother with answering her or telling her to go away? Just pretend to wave her away and continue with what you are doing. I thought that would solve the problem. But no. She got other kids involved. Got them to listen to her rumors. They accused my son of using a word he doesn't know exists. The N word. She told her dad that my son called her that and stuck up his middle finger. Know what I heard from students who witnessed it? She's the one sticking up that middle finger and saying nasty things to my kids. It was when her dad confronted me that I told him his daughter was a liar and I warned her to stay away from my kids. Guess who wasn't happy with that? You know he had the gall to bring his "gang" of family to stand around the bus stop and yell at the kids? Wonder where his daughter gets her thuggish attitude from. 

So yesterday, my son was hit by another student, in the leg, with a cellphone. Today I called the school back, because I hadn't heard from them about the incident. I was told that my son couldn't identify the kid from 2 pictures presented to him. Hmm.... Then why didn't you check the security camera from the bus? Oh yes, things are so bad, they have to have cameras on the buses now. They had two adults on that bus, and neither of them paid any attention to what was happening behind them. I get that the driver has to focus on the road, but why can't the other one monitor the students? 

So today, I did what needed to be done. Before all the kids could climb off the bus, I climbed on. I demanded they point out the kids who attacked my son. Then I announced to them all, "The next kid who lays a hand against my children will answer to me." I had half a dozen kids pointing to the brat that hurt my son. I told him I'm going to the principal tomorrow. And that he better stay away from my children. 

Then came the truly scary part. One student followed me off the bus and announced that the girl (who hasn't left my kids alone after all), was choking another student. He demonstrated the arm hook technique. She had had a little boy in a choke hold. That boy also came forward and with a scared look in his eyes told me he was fine. He didn't want trouble. I told him to tell his mother. This behavior is unacceptable. Since when are 2nd graders so dangerous?! What is wrong with this girl?? Then another mother comes up and asks if the child who hurt my son was a girl. She went on to explain that she knew my son from hearing about him from her son. They are buddies. And because they are buddies, this little girl has been "nasty" to her son. She sneers at this little guy and tells him to "go sit with your crybaby buddy" while pointing at my son. 

I cannot tell you just how strong the surge of emotions have been since then. This child is evil. And she is manipulating the other students to get her way. That is, until now. Heaven help her, because now its my turn. And the school better hope they have a better answer besides, "We don't know what's going on." Guess what, I do. And I know what you need to do before this escalates. 

My children are my everything. No one hurts them and gets away with it. I didn't let their father, I'm certainly not letting some bratty stranger. 

My mother pointed out something in a comment she left on my other post. It takes a bigger, meaner bully to battle a bully. And I'm inclined to agree. It seems like they are getting worse with the times. I think back to the days when I was physically attacked. How often I was sent to the nurses often and my mother called. Looking back, I feel pathetic about it. Then I learned to break people mentally. Third grade was hard. Until I learned to use the one thing you hate about yourself to tear you apart. While I don't feel proud of what I did, it protected me from being hurt more. I won't teach my kids that technique. Yet. However, I'm going to teach my kids self defense. No more will I let them be hurt. They will learn to fight back. To prevail. The schools need to fear the bullies created by those that go unpunished. A slap on the wrist does nothing to those who are not taught at home. After all, they are already in prison. School is just that these days. And if they are not getting proper guidance at home or being disciplined, then it doesn't matter what is said. 

Where have we gone wrong, that such monsters are loose among our children?

Don't Mess With Mama

Definition of bully

plural bullies

1 a :a blustering, browbeating person; especially :one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable

• tormented by the neighborhood bully

I'm beginning to think that being bullied is a curse that has run through my bloodline. My Mom was introduced to fighting in defense when bullies picked on her and her siblings. I went to public school from pre-k to 3rd grade and was told that if I stayed in the system any longer, my mother would have to teach me to fight as well. What she didn't know, is that 3rd grade was when I learned to fight psychologically. But you get the point. Looking back, my Mom had all these stories of confrontations that made me feel like she truly was a Wonder Woman. Physically, I'm not the strongest, but mentally, I will break you. Now, as a mom, I'm having to watch my own kids deal with bullying. But today... Oh no. Today, it went a step too far. What happened? My son was hit in the leg with a cell phone. Hard enough to leave a mark. We will see what the school has to say about it in the morning since it was too late for them to contact me back after my kids got home.

As a parent, you never want to have your kids fall prey to a bully. You also don't want them to become a bully. As a Christian, we learn that we are to turn the other cheek and let God punish our enemies. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The Golden Rule. And we teach it well in our house. But... I won't let my children get beat up. Not any more. Verbal abuse is one thing. I'm teaching my kids to handle that with positivism. So how do we combat the physical abuse? 

My kids look up to me for not being afraid. After all, they watched me stand up against the physical abuse their father put me through before the divorce. I shielded them, protected them and took the force upon myself. But I can't do that on the bus or in the school hallways. And though we have been in contact with the school, it seems to be escalating now. Before, they were throwing accusations and screaming profanities at my children. Then one of them laid his hands on my daughter and I took to arms with the vice principal. They went back to verbal abuse and I told my kids to pretend that those bullies didn't exist. Focus on something or someone else and shut their mind to the words that were meant to hurt them. But you can't do that with a physical attack. 

So what am I to do? Well, my first move is to escalate the response from the school itself. I won't take a, "Well..." answer. Depending on their response, I just might have to teach my children self defense. Don't get me wrong, I won't have them pummeling everyone who crosses their paths. However, learning to block someone is a great skill to have. Learning to bob and weave. To keep your fists at eye level. And if that's not enough, then maybe we will introduce something more. We are blessed with long legs. Powerful ones. I can attest to the damage they are capable of causing when there is need for it. But only as a last result. And only when politely requesting they back off doesn't work.

Mama don't play. And she doesn't just sit there wrapping a wound with a sweet, "I'm sorry, but this is just the way it is." My kids are not going to be victims to someone else's brats. Not anymore. 

How would you address something like this?

Are my kids trying to have me arrested??

In these days, more so than before, parents can easily be accused of child abuse. Broken bones, bruises, neglected head lice, even! Society has laid out what kids should be like. Being in the digital age, we except kids to docile and zoned out. Not mine...

My son got off the bus with two marks he didn't have when he left for school.

He had a roundish mark on his forehead that looked like a bruise. And then he had a red mark on his arm that looked to be a mix of a bruise and a bite. Yes, I was quite concerned. And then I got this answer to my query, "I did it to myself." WHAT?! WHY?? "I wanted to."

*Mental face palm*

Fast forward to later that afternoon. Homework was done. Showers had just been wrapped up. They were playing a little Minecraft while I completed dinner preparations. I hear thudding down the stairs from that same son and then CRASH! He had tripped at the last steps and planted his side into the stained concrete floor. He hit the side of his head at the ear, so that his ear was smashed on his glasses. Now he has a huge, swollen, ugly, purple bruise.

His knee had connected to the floor, giving him an ugly red swelling point there too.

*Mentally banging my head against the wall now*

Out comes an ice pack and admonishment to not run down the stairs. Again. I also informed him that if people saw him right now, they might have 1 of 2 thoughts go through their minds.

1. This kid was in quite the fight.

2. This kid gets beaten by his parents. 

My older daughter is also one I worry about for this reason. She is naturally clumsy. Falling, tripping and hitting herself happen regularly.If I had a dollar for every band-aid we have needed for her... And that brings me to child number 4. 10 1/2 months old, this girl can't stay still. I can be holding her and she's trying to do back flips from my arms. Or turning the furniture into her own personal jungle gym.

I had a picture I sent to her father one day when she got mad that I put her down when she was sleepy, and she had headbutted my computer desk. Looked like she had a black eye. 

As parents, we try to protect them from danger. However, we also want them to be strong and be able to handle some pain. Scratches, light bruises, scraped knees. You can't protect them from everything. Not unless they develop some kind of special bubble wrap we can encase them in. One day, right? Until then, we have to do everything we can to keep them alive and avoid Child Protective Services when they take being a kid to another level. 
Bubble wrap... Reminds me of the Chuckee Cheese ad.... 

Turning the Walk in the Park into an Adventure!

I truly believe that children need to have an active imagination. Our generation and the generation we are raising are a part of the digital age. Where everything is considered accessible to your fingertips. Games, movies and internet uses have replaced things like reading actual books or going on nature hikes. Most families these days consider going outside a chore. Too hot, too cold, too nature-y (no, that's not a word, its a description). Now, yes, you do need to teach your child the difference between a story and a lie. My oldest son tells stories, but says they are true events and I have to tell him, "No, that's just lying." 

This is why I encourage them to imagine out of the box scenarios. When we went to the park this past Saturday, they imagined we were in Jumanji. We had to escape creatures within and every path we took led us either further into the game or closer to the end. It was a blast! And had it been just a little cooler, I think they would have been willing to go on so much longer. 

We went to Comanche Park. There is a Lookout tower on one path, a path that leads to a library, and plenty of deer to be seen if you go early enough in the morning. There is not a playground, but my kids had fun climbing around the amphitheater. As parents, we should always try to make the ordinary, extraordinary! Don't let your kids lose interest in the reality around them. 

I made this video to show the things we pieced together in our little "adventure". 


My kids also create adventures through our family Minecraft moments. So, if you really can't bring yourself to be outside, find a game you can all play and be venturous!

Swim Suit for the Mom Bod

I'm no longer eager to play dress up in the fitting rooms and test out styles. Okay. Correction. I was never fond of clothes shopping.
Swim suits are the most difficult. Followed closely by pants. I feel awkward. Which translates to me thinking I look awkward too. It takes forever to find something that accentuates my curves satisfactorily. Everything is typically too loose/tight in the waist, but perfect length. Or too short. I usually have my kids in tow as well. They don't like waiting for mommy to try on clothes. Its considered boring. And now that I have quite the mom bod going on, these things are intensified. I'm not so well toned. Or tanned. Not like I used to be. My hips and thighs need toning, my belly is flabby with an extra 30 lbs that needs to go. But the most I seem able to do is sit ups in bed and squats while holding the baby and trying to bounce her to sleep. 

Let me just explain something before any of you decide to go heavyweight on me about size. I don't think of this as beautiful:

Or even this:

I'm sorry, but that is just ugly. Someone please donate cellulite to fix what they are missing. And I'm not just referring to a lack of cleavage. Ribs are showing. Angles are pointy. That is not beautiful. That is emaciation. However, I don't think of this as pretty either:

This and larger is a death wish, no matter who you are. It's one reason I couldn't stand Mama June.

They used her gross obesity and lack of good manners from her and her daughter to turn them into celebrities. That, to me, is a gross way to entertain. 

I believe that women are beautiful in their own way. Size doesn't matter, so long as you are healthy and happy for yourself. The above examples are sitting on the extreme ends of the spectrum. Everyone else has their place in between. I look at all the women I know and think each of them are beautiful. I don't judge them at all. 

So where am I going with this? I don't feel beautiful. I'm 5'10" (ish - the scoliosis and spinal deterioration might have shortened me a little), and weigh in at 170-ish pounds. I wear a Large now. I'm the girl who was forever tall and lanky. My friends joked about setting up a fat bank to donate to me so I could have curves. My best attribute was a toss up between my long legs and my eyes. Everything else was flat and sharp. Then I had kids. I started to soften up. My rock hard abs went, came and went again in between pregnancies. I worked out and started eating less. Not so much healthy, just less. Now I'm nearly 30, have 4 children, and am 30 pounds over my healthy weight. My OCD screams at me when I sit and the side that is most crumpled from curvature in the spine has rolls. I look down and there is a roundness in the belly that makes my filter-less children ask if I'm having another baby or just fat. My reply, "I'm just fat." I don't want to be a super model. I don't want to look like a celebrity. I just want to lose 30 pounds and flatten the stomach a bit. Thanks to the back pain, as well as my age catching up to me, I'm finding that is easier said than done! I put off getting new clothes because I believed that I could get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes by the time my daughter turns 1. She's 8 months and I haven't lost a single pound... *head slap here* 

What am I to do? Well, I'm setting new rules. I'm moving to plan B. I've told my husband how I feel. I'm getting him to realize that even though I love the fact he will always see me as beautiful, regardless of how I look, I need the support to lose the unhealthy weight. He has been very good at it! We make fresh smoothies almost every day. I've been buying healthy snacks. We gave up Pop Tarts and Doritos. I stopped buying cinnamon rolls, except for a once-in-a-blue-moon breakfast treat for the kids only. Laying off the pizza and cooking more foods that incorporate veggies. Cookies or ice cream are for special treats only. And are mostly given to the kids. Which reminds me... Side note: we tried a couple new ones. Hostess Twinkie version and Halo Top chocolate.

Can you believe that both were not to the adults liking, but the kids seemed to think they were okay? The Twinkie one tasted like birthday cake and the Chocolate one... tasted awful. Bland. Sugarless maybe? I barely withstood one spoon. Gave it all to the kids. They didn't seem to mind it. So much for the "better for you" ice cream. Its a lie! Guilt-free zone? Only because you are eating tasteless ice shavings.

Back to my journey of losing weight. I've been eating more salads. And to make them interesting, we added chicken. The one we really enjoyed was chicken cooked in balsamic dressing. It makes eating salads easier for my husband. He's not big on the greens. 

We drink lots of water. Doing these things has made me feel better about myself. Then I checked the scale. Nothing. My husband weighs himself. Guess who lost 10 pounds? Uh huh. Then came a real test. With summer, comes the possibility of pool time or river fun. I had to get a swim suit for my 4 year old daughter and who else? Yes, me. I no longer fit into the ones I had. One of them hadn't been used in so long that the straps dry rotted. Who knew they could do that?! So the mom who hates shopping for clothes, let alone a bathing suit, heads to Wally World. All 4 kids in tow while my husband sleeps off a night of working. You know how much I dreaded trying them on? And there weren't many left to choose from. Its so late in the season, they had the crappy ones no one wants anymore. 

I finally came across this two piece set.

I love the color. Its light weight. And the design was decent. I tried it on. But the fitting rooms don't have mirrors inside. What is wrong with that store?! No, you have to walk outside the dressing room to the corner where the sales floor starts to use a full-length mirror. This is where my children were stationed and waiting for me. The lady attending the fitting station gave me the look over as I came out. I was asking my kids what they thought. She says, "Lady, with 4 kids, you look amazing! I've seen women come in here with no kids, looking terrible and fat. You got it, so flaunt it, honey!" Walmart is not known for its amazing customer service. They are known for having Wal-Martians. People who look so awful, there is a website dedicated to pictures of them. People who shouldn't be allowed to leave their homes. Don't believe me? Look at this website and try not to wet yourself laughing or be careful. You might want to bleach your eyes at some of them.  So to have her so openly complimenting me, gave me courage that I do have some of my good looks left.

Another way I find myself being reminded that I'm still pretty high on the hotness scale, would be the fact that my husband still gets excited when he catches me undressing. If you are in a relationship and don't have that kind of romance, I feel sorry for you. Doesn't matter how old you are. It's great having that physical attraction. I even put on the lingerie that was given to me at the bridal shower. As my mother-in-law said, sometimes it's good to just feel pretty in them.

Now don't get me wrong, I've accepted and even embraced my Mom Bod. I have better defined hips and a bigger booty. And I love it. Heck, as of right now, I can actually say I have boobs. I just can't stand a muffin top. Or a spare tire. It drives me insane. Especially when I work out as often as I can. Just holding my daughter and doing squats while trying to get her to sleep is a workout.

So here goes. I'm embarking on a new trend. I'm going to love my Large(r) self. I'm going to teach myself to see it as beautiful. I won't give up on my desire to lose the extra pounds. I need that for my back issues. But I'm going to start investing in bigger clothes. Its time to get out of the rut of wearing the same handful of t-shirts and 2 skirts. I bought a skort and pair of shorts for the summer. I'm finding a style that will flatter my curves a little more. And I'm going to "flaunt it"!

Seeking the bright side through the darkness

Every cloud has a silver lining, right? Every darkness finds light. Through the rain, comes freshness and growth. From the clouds come protection from the glaring sun, granting us relief from its unrelenting heat. You also have sayings like, "Everything happens for a reason" or "The is a purpose to everything". 

Then you have the clouds of life.  

  

When I lost my job, I lost a steady paycheck of considerable amount, but I gained a way to stay home with my kids. To be a full time mom again. Less money, but more to life.

I've lost the ability to be a biker, but I found one less thing to put me in danger and keep me around my kids longer.

I try to see the bright side to everything I face. To stay positive in the face of negativity. It's not easy. For me, it's harder than childbirth. I'm struggling to find the silver lining to my near-constant pain. To see how it will do good for myself or someone else. How do my migraines benefit anyone? How does the inflammation of a pinched nerve serve a higher purpose than to remind me of my brokenness? How will such a debilitating disease produce positive results around me? I have been asking myself these questions every day for the past week now. I wake up in pain, I go to sleep in pain. And for what? I am still waiting to know the  answer. 

When I was a child facing spinal fusion, I had an answer. I could show courage in the face of uncertainty. I was afraid of what could happen. Paralysis or death could have been the end result for me. But I was at peace. I thought that God had a purpose and could use me to tell His story to family and friends. I'm a medical anomaly. Four doctors in my life have point blank told me that I was scientifically weird. A freak of nature. That I should have felt pain, when I didn't. That I shouldn't be as I was. That I shouldn't have had what I did. That fevers are how things are measured, yet I've never experienced one. I'm the exception they use to write medical journal entries from. I'm the textbook example of what you hope to never encounter. Their student doctors had a field day when I came in. But how about now? I have no insurance or money to see a doctor. Otherwise I'd say God was using me to show science what they weren't able to imagine. Or what they hypothesized, but had no hard documentation for. So what am I good for? Or is it that I'm building up a special case for the day they do my autopsy? 

Let's say that I'm not supposed to benefit someone. What if I'm to learn a lesson? What lesson is it? I think I've mastered pain management 101. My daily pain level is no less than 4. My level 4 is a normal person’s level 1. I have to hit an 8 or 9 before I tap the pain pills and even then, I have to tell myself they are helping in order for them to do any good. I'm using over the counter drugs to battle something beyond their means. So what else do I have to learn? Patience? Oh yeah, I've got a healthy dose of that too. Comes from having 4 kids.

And then I sometimes ask if this is all part of a punishment? People say there is karma. What goes around, comes around. So if that was the case, what did I do to deserve it? What crime did I commit to live my life like this? And how can I fix it? I repent daily for my wrong doings. I make no bones about being a sinner. 

"I don't fear death so much as I fear its prologues: loneliness, decrepitude, pain, debilitation depression, senility. After a few years of those, I imagine death presents like a holiday at the beach." 

~ Mary Roach 

I don't fear death so much as I fear its prologues: loneliness, decrepitude, pain, debilitation, depression, senility. After a few years of those, I imagine death presents like a holiday at the beach. Mary Roach
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/maryroach694746.html?src=t_pain

I don't fear death so much as I fear its prologues: loneliness, decrepitude, pain, debilitation, depression, senility. After a few years of those, I imagine death presents like a holiday at the beach. Mary Roach
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/maryroach694746.html?src=t_pain

You know what truly makes matters worse? I'm not even 30 years old yet. So when I talk about what I feel or about how I'm built like an 80 year old on the inside, people think I'm being funny. That it's a joke. My great grandmother understood though. She didn't laugh at me when I talked about it. When I told her how much it hurt, she was feeling the same way. And she always told me, "Welcome to the club. It only gets worse from here." Back then, I thought, “Oh great, thanks for the encouragement.” But now, I understand. She was being the most sincere anyone could've been. I will never forget the day I told her I was diagnosed with arthritis at the age of 15 as a side effect to my spinal fusion. She told me she was so sorry. That life would get harder so much earlier for me than it did for her. She had worked manual labor jobs all her life. So it wasn't until her late 60's and on that she truly started to fall apart. At first I thought I could fight my fate. I worked out daily. I fought to keep in shape and tried to build muscle in my back. And I thought it was working. Up until a couple years ago. But now I feel like it's just catching up to me. I'm trying to work out and get back in shape. But the more I do, the more I hurt. I tell myself - no pain, no gain. But is it harming me more? 

Always dream and shoot higher than you know how to.
Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors.
Try to be better than yourself.
~ William Faulkner

I can barely stand upright some days. I freeze and crumple when bending over or reaching for something high. Picking up my daughter pulls the muscles between my shoulder blades tight enough to make me want to cry. After standing with her for 10 minutes, I can't do it anymore. I can't even take in deep breaths right now without a sharp pulling. If I turn my head too far, or at a certain angle, I get lightheaded. Randomly, I will start to have numbness and tingling in my limbs. And the lack of sleep it is causing has me feeling less than nice. I don't want to talk to anyone on a friend’s level. I put on my retail disguise. I don't want to move. I don't want to do anything. I'm so tired of pretending for everyone around me that I'm doing just fine. I will continue to. But I don't want to. This mask I wear is getting worn out. This is not who I want to be. I want to be the mom that chases her children around in a game of tag at the park. I want to take them on roller coaster rides. I want to learn to rock wall climb. I was going to teach them to ride motorcycles so we could one day go together like I did with my parents. I want to work out with my husband. These things are no longer within reach for me. These dreams are being taken away from me. 

You see things; and you say, "Why?"
But I dream things that never were;
and I say, "Why not? 

~ George Bernard Shaw

I told my husband that I will no longer answer his questions regarding my back, pain or how I slept. He agreed not to ask them anymore. Logically speaking, there is nothing he or I can do to change it. So why talk about it and add the “one day” wish to it. One day it will get fixed. One day it will be better. So let’s agree to not discuss it further until “one day” arrives. On the flip side, by doing this, it felt like I had closed off a part of me to him. He’s known from the beginning that I was broken. Deformed. But until now, it didn’t have such a strong bearing on my life. I try to lighten the tone by joking about it not being too late to bail. I still feel, however, that the life we wanted might not be attainable.So what do I do? I'm pushing to make his dreams a reality. At least one of us should accomplish something. And that someone won't be me at this point.He at least has the confidence and ability to pursue his dreams.

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined,
he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
-Henry David Thoreau

So I want to know. What am I missing? Looking in, what do you see that I can't? What detail have I overlooked? What bright side have I lost in the darkness? According to a really good friend of mine, maybe its not about me at all. Maybe it is to teach my children what true love, strength, courage, and determination are. By my pushing through this and still providing them all that I can, I am leading by example. According to my husband, maybe it will help me relate to and assist someone else later down the road who is going through the same thing. Either way, both of them told me I have to wait, have faith, and know there is a reason behind it all.