Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

Beating the Never-Ending Summer Blues

I feel like summer has been going on since Spring Break. Technically, my kids had school (albeit at home), starting about 2 weeks after Spring Break ended. However, due to the Covid-19 pandemic, home has been our prison of a sorts. I have gotten creative with challenging their minds. Free time has been filled with reading, writing and as much learning as I can get them into without exhausting them. I recreated this one game I saw on Pinterest (see my blog post here).

What to do when boredom strikes....

Sadly, that game has gotten too repetitive. We started a challenge every night at dinner where I would ask questions. Mostly from history, though I threw in some geographical ones too. I was amazed how few things my children could answer. They know only the things we have taught them on World War 2, Lewis and Clark, the Boston Tea Party, the Vietnam War, the Great Wall of China... My younger son actually said he thought the Great Wall of China was built to keep out the Mexicans! *palm to forehead here* They just finished 4th grade! But I digress. I started them reading books and writing reports on historical events that I find important. I also got a book on geography for them to study over the summer. And while this is all great stuff, I can't overwhelm them with learning all the time. Not unless I can make it fun.

So off to Pinterest I went again. My searches always bring up great ideas later on. And that is where this next challenge came up. It involves Lego, which my children have lots of. You will also need a timer and an account with Teachers Pay Teachers. Don't worry, this printable is completely free! The LegoLibrarian is a genius. I plan to head back for other challenge ideas later.

Here is how the game works:

Each child gets to build an island. I gave my kids 20 minutes to do so with any Lego pieces they wanted. Once the timer dinged, I handed each one a handful of pieces more and took the rest away. I set the timer for 15 minutes more after letting them pick from the challenge cards here.
When that time was up, my husband and I had each child explain their island and how they overcame their challenges. Today was the first time we did it and it was a success. 2/3 kids really put in the effort to add details.
The challenge for this kid was to build a trap to catch a thief.
My daughter had to find another way to make food for her island.

So give it a go! And don't forget to share the fun with us. Let me know in the comments below how your kids liked it or what you think is best about this little game!

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Being a Charity Case

Have you ever felt like you were just a charity case in the eyes of others? Like you haven't done enough for yourself, so others are having to pick up your slack? I know I have. More often than I care to think about. Every time, I feel grateful, but also ashamed. I was raised and surrounded by people who gave. I'm happiest when I'm doing for and giving to others. Sure, on my birthday or Christmas I can enjoy a gift without the guilt. But on other occasions... Not so much. 

This past week, I received more than one call from my kids' school. The first time, I was informed that all three of my children in school were nominated by their teachers for a charity program that gets the kids clothes, shoes, toys and/or games. Before I say anything else, know that my kids are not wanting when it comes to clothes. I don't let them keep clothes that are ripped, shredding, or otherwise defected. They get clothes from both of their grandmothers. I actually had to thin out my daughters drawers and closet. She had more than I do. 

Then I get a call asking if we need a turkey dinner donation. We were chosen to get a box of food. I appreciated the offer, but we are not starving. Yes, we get assistance to get food every month from our government. Again, I'm not proud of this. But it keeps us going until we can get back on our feet. I told them to give it to another family who needs it more. 

Finally, I get a call about shoes. My youngest son tore up his latest pair of shoes. This is not the first time I've heard about his shoes from the school. Sadly, I think this will be a constant thing. I don't know how he does it. His last pair, I had to hot glue back together. The Velcro fell apart. I patched it as best I could and told him I would get him a new pair soon. Right after this, maybe a week later, I get a box from my mother. She had sent a pair of shoes that were nearly new. They were my oldest sons size. So I gave him those and gave his old shoes to the younger son. It was perfect timing. My older son was beginning to complain that his shoes were tight. And I was thanking God for once again watching out for us. My mother didn't know we needed those shoes. But within a week or so, my younger son had torn up those shoes too. The soles were coming off. Almost completely. This time, hot glue wasn't working. So my husband pulled out duct tape.
When you have nothing else, you bite back the shame and do what you must. The counselor has my boys in a weekly lunch meeting program they are running to talk to kids on a more personal level. They noticed the shoes and asked if they could give him another pair. Inside, I was screaming, NO! But outwardly, I said yes and that I was very thankful for their assistance. Again, God is providing where I failed.

One son is getting a new backpack as a Christmas gift from a friend. His is threadbare with holes forming. I'm one of those parents who can't donate to every fundraiser, event, and party they have. You know how mad I get when my kids tell me that their teachers said if everyone doesn't participate, they don't get the special rewards every other class will get? I pay more to be in a better area, with a better school. But the trade off is, I can't have my kids participating in everything else. I also would not be surprised if my older son told his teacher that "Mommy is broke all the time." I don't lie to my kids. I don't have money to toss around. I'm careful with my spending more now than ever before. We are a single income family. I have money to pay the monthly bills, nothing more. We can't go out to eat. I can't afford those new toys. We can't go to theme parks. Movies are expensive. They ask, I say no. They ask why, I tell them the truth. I'm broke. I pay for necessities. I keep them taken care. Then I get the other question. How come daddy can do all those things? My oldest three came from a previous marriage. One that I am more than happy is over. My ex blows money to make them believe he is the cool parent. He gets them only 2 weekends a month. And every time, they get to do and have things that we can't do here at home. Talk about testing my patience... I can't bash their father to them. I won't. I have to be tactful with how I answer. I tell them that he has more money than I do, because he doesn't have children living with him. He doesn't have a family anymore. I do. I tell them that he also cheats his debts. He doesn't pay everything he is supposed to like we do. Being responsible hurts. It is a hard path to walk. 
Then comes the biggest charity point in my life right now. Because of my back issues, I'm very often in pain. So much so, that my children have begun to notice and ask questions. I can't hide it all the time. "Why can't you run anymore?" "What's wrong with you, Mom?" "Why do you hurt all the time?" So we talk about it. I tell them that Mommy is broken. My body doesn't work like it should. That I need a doctor to fix me. My oldest then asks when I'm going to the doctor. I'm not. Why not? I can't afford to. It is more important to me to pay the bills and keep them taken care of than to fix my physical brokenness. What does my oldest say? "Take my money, Mom. Use it to pay for surgery." 

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I can't do that. I won't do that. I love my children. They have inherited my curse. They love to give. Instead, my husband has been saying that we have to wait on the Lord and see where His will leads us. At first, I felt like I wasn't being led anywhere. Then I started getting a nagging thought. Ever heard of GoFundMe? You start up a fundraiser and strangers help your cause by donating. I had started one a while back when I wanted to fight for full custody of my three older children. Then the lawyers told me it was hopeless case unless something drastic happens to the kids at the hands of their father. Just the way the laws work here, protecting the wrong people. So I refunded everyone and decided to wipe my hands of the website. I told my husband that I couldn't get rid of the thought though. And he admitted that it sounded like we should think twice about it. Then, something happened that made him say we should do it. I've been having lightheadedness and dizziness daily. I turned my head to give him a kiss and got a charlie horse-like sensation in my neck that scared us both. It hurt so bad. I had a headache and tense feeling in my neck afterwards. I was begging for it to stop. These things are getting worse. The pain has always been there. But I can't always ignore it anymore. I pop Tylenol nearly daily. Might as well be candy at this point. I don't sleep. Not well, at least. When I try to do things like jog, I feel as though my legs are bruised. Not sore. Bruised. I can't live with it like this anymore. So we started a GoFundMe. And we agreed, if I get donations to it, I'm going to see a doctor. It will be out of pocket costs, since I have no insurance. But I'm going to get answers. I'm going to find out what it will take to get back to some state of normalcy. To where I don't have to rely on charity anymore.

Why? Why am I having all this to deal with? Why am I having to be treated like everyone's charity case? My husband reminds me that we all have to be humbled at times. That we can't always stand proud. He tells his Southern wife these things... HA! Boy, do I have a lot to learn then. It's going to be a long, hard road for me. For my family. And I don't want to walk it. But I won't let this body keep me back anymore. I'm going to push harder. Fight back. I know what kind of wife and mother I want to be. And somehow, I will be that woman again. I want to be an active part in this family's life. For a long time.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Celebrating Nine Years!

What have I done? I have raised a nine year old geek! And I'm so proud of myself!!! Okay, but seriously... My oldest turned NINE YEARS OLD today!!! Where has the time gone? I feel like just yesterday I was screaming into the doctors face that if he would step a little closer, I'd kick his face in. 

 At 2 years old, always a happy boy.

Giving birth to my oldest rewrote my understanding of pain. I'd take spinal fusions any day in comparison. And the fact that I was also worried about my babies life (that night before he came was very concerning to say the least), only amplified my will to bring him in to this world quickly and safely. I was in labor for 25 hours. I forced them to induce me after having blood clots an inch thick and the size of a half dollar drop out from between my legs the evening before. I freaked out. I thought I was losing my baby even though I was technically full term. They had kept me under observation for 12 hours, though I never saw the doctor during that time. Then they told me to go home. No explanation. Just said I was fine. When I mentioned the blood, they acted like they didn't know what I was talking about and said I was probably losing the blood that pools "down there" since we don't have periods when pregnant. Now, I'm not a doctor. I have no medical training. Maybe they were on the up an up. But in my gut, I felt differently. I told them they had two options. They could send me home and I would stay there the next time I went into labor. I'd have my baby alone in my bath tub and be all the happier for it. OR they could induce me. They chose to induce. Hmm... 
There is a reason women prefer to go naturally and not be induced. It really is the worse pain in the world. You start off good. Then you are slammed by wave after wave of excruciating, ab-tensing painful contractions. I had told myself I was going natural. Its safer. Its healthier. I lived through three spinal fusions. How bad could giving birth be? 
I was dying. GIVE ME THE EPIDURAL! 
You know what the anesthesiologist said? No. I'm not touching you. WHAT?! No epidural for this momma. Ever. My spine is cause for pause with them. One wrong move with that needle and they will paralyze me. So I went ahead. Full steam. Screaming and writhing in agony. With a deaf husband standing at my side, frozen in panic and a face that said, "I did this?" That was the only time I saw repentance in that mans face in all the 7 1/2 years we were married. 
When the time came, the doctor finally came in. I'd been there 24 hours and then some! HE FINALLY WALKED IN! He was a prick. It was time and he strolls in asking how I was. I started screaming with the next contraction to answer his question. He tells me to shut up. "You need to stop screaming and save your breath to push." No, what I need is for you to step a little closer so that my foot can be planted squarely in your face. The nurses wouldn't allow my mother in the room with me either. They said it would be too many people. My mother warned me to let it go. She didn't want the nurses to be ugly to me if I was stubborn about something. I still regret not having her there. Might have made the time go easier. Might not have. But she should have been given that option. 
Then I started bleeding out. I went into shock. No one seemed to notice. I told my husband to cover me with a blanket. Then the doctor says, "You bled out and went into shock a little." No, duh, Sherlock! I couldn't hold my baby. Turns out, I tore. My doctor didn't help ease the baby out as he crowned by massage the passageway. Then, he said that after I tore it wasn't open enough so he needed to cut me open a little more. Talk about wanting to murder my doctor! (He wasn't even MY doctor. He was my doctors husband!) 
I lay there. Crying. Watching them with my newborn across the room. His father was cutting the cord, holding his hand, helping to wipe him off. And I lay there shaking, just watching. It was torture. Then he brings this little bundle to me. And suddenly, the world could've disappeared and it wouldn't have mattered. I felt nothing of the pain anymore. I saw my son. So little. He was the most beautiful sight in all the world. I know every mother says that, but its true for each of us. Everything fades away when you see what you accomplished and hold your baby for the first time. I wasn't able to hold him for a while, but he at least laid next to me. And I was happy. I lay there, happy. The doctor sewed me up, congratulated me, and I never had to see him again. 
At 4 years old, this boy was and still is full of energy!

Fast forward to now. He's in second grade. He can do triple digit math. He LOVES Star Wars. He probably knows it a little better than I do. Great at spelling (chip off the old block!). He's embracing a love for Star Trek as his step father is teaching him how it is better than Star Wars... 
And I could not be more proud. This is my little man. Growing up. Too fast. A lover of people. 

He stole my heart then and he holds it even now.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

When All Else Fails

Gotta say, I'm disappointed. Bullying has become so common place. Sadly though, the adults we tell our children to turn to, are just as bad as the kids. Because of my involvement and the lack of true support from the school, the situation has escalated. Now, I'm going to have to go in person and truly lay down the law with the Vice Principal herself. 
My kids have been banned from having any contact with three kids. These kids are known to me as liars, vandals, manner-less, and just downright mean. I've seen them in action and know what they are capable of. Their parents on the other hand are completely clueless. They think of their kids as great. But it has come to my attention that the girl in this group is the worst. Since being banned (reinforced by her father after I refused to bend to his attitude), she decided to torment my kids and any others who associate with them, in a roundabout way. In essence, she is having other kids do her dirty work so that she can continue to dominate the bus. Since when are second graders so devious?! 

My kids have been told to act like she is no more than a fly buzzing in their ears. You wouldn't talk to a fly, so why bother with answering her or telling her to go away? Just pretend to wave her away and continue with what you are doing. I thought that would solve the problem. But no. She got other kids involved. Got them to listen to her rumors. They accused my son of using a word he doesn't know exists. The N word. She told her dad that my son called her that and stuck up his middle finger. Know what I heard from students who witnessed it? She's the one sticking up that middle finger and saying nasty things to my kids. It was when her dad confronted me that I told him his daughter was a liar and I warned her to stay away from my kids. Guess who wasn't happy with that? You know he had the gall to bring his "gang" of family to stand around the bus stop and yell at the kids? Wonder where his daughter gets her thuggish attitude from. 

So yesterday, my son was hit by another student, in the leg, with a cellphone. Today I called the school back, because I hadn't heard from them about the incident. I was told that my son couldn't identify the kid from 2 pictures presented to him. Hmm.... Then why didn't you check the security camera from the bus? Oh yes, things are so bad, they have to have cameras on the buses now. They had two adults on that bus, and neither of them paid any attention to what was happening behind them. I get that the driver has to focus on the road, but why can't the other one monitor the students? 

So today, I did what needed to be done. Before all the kids could climb off the bus, I climbed on. I demanded they point out the kids who attacked my son. Then I announced to them all, "The next kid who lays a hand against my children will answer to me." I had half a dozen kids pointing to the brat that hurt my son. I told him I'm going to the principal tomorrow. And that he better stay away from my children. 

Then came the truly scary part. One student followed me off the bus and announced that the girl (who hasn't left my kids alone after all), was choking another student. He demonstrated the arm hook technique. She had had a little boy in a choke hold. That boy also came forward and with a scared look in his eyes told me he was fine. He didn't want trouble. I told him to tell his mother. This behavior is unacceptable. Since when are 2nd graders so dangerous?! What is wrong with this girl?? Then another mother comes up and asks if the child who hurt my son was a girl. She went on to explain that she knew my son from hearing about him from her son. They are buddies. And because they are buddies, this little girl has been "nasty" to her son. She sneers at this little guy and tells him to "go sit with your crybaby buddy" while pointing at my son. 

I cannot tell you just how strong the surge of emotions have been since then. This child is evil. And she is manipulating the other students to get her way. That is, until now. Heaven help her, because now its my turn. And the school better hope they have a better answer besides, "We don't know what's going on." Guess what, I do. And I know what you need to do before this escalates. 

My children are my everything. No one hurts them and gets away with it. I didn't let their father, I'm certainly not letting some bratty stranger. 
My mother pointed out something in a comment she left on my other post. It takes a bigger, meaner bully to battle a bully. And I'm inclined to agree. It seems like they are getting worse with the times. I think back to the days when I was physically attacked. How often I was sent to the nurses often and my mother called. Looking back, I feel pathetic about it. Then I learned to break people mentally. Third grade was hard. Until I learned to use the one thing you hate about yourself to tear you apart. While I don't feel proud of what I did, it protected me from being hurt more. I won't teach my kids that technique. Yet. However, I'm going to teach my kids self defense. No more will I let them be hurt. They will learn to fight back. To prevail. The schools need to fear the bullies created by those that go unpunished. A slap on the wrist does nothing to those who are not taught at home. After all, they are already in prison. School is just that these days. And if they are not getting proper guidance at home or being disciplined, then it doesn't matter what is said. 

Where have we gone wrong, that such monsters are loose among our children?

Friday, May 26, 2017

A Decision Not Made Lightly

I have been happily divorced for quite some time now. For about 7 ½ years, I battled depression during the physical, mental and verbal abuse that was directed towards myself and my children. I hated waking up. I hated being home. I hated myself. I wanted to spend every moment I could away from him. Even if it meant working long shifts. Even if I wasn’t with my children. I told myself it was better if I wasn’t with them, because while he was there, the volcano was inching closer to exploding. He had a way with getting under my skin. Still does. He makes snide remarks. He comments on things that he has no right to. All the while, trying to offer “advice” or be “helpful”. I have flashbacks of the time he called my mother fat while saying if she wasn’t she could do more and look better. Or the time he said that my parents had too many kids and because of that, they couldn’t have a “fun” life. Its offensive, but we shrugged it off and told him it was wrong to make such statements. After all, he is deaf. He didn’t have someone teaching him manners, tact or social etiquette because no one in his family truly knew Sign Language. How can you hold someone accountable for their actions when they were never taught?
Well, now we are in a new arena. This time, it involves proper care and protection of children. My children. This Friday, his weekend of visitation starts. I dread each time I have to send them to him. I worry the whole time they are gone. Will they come back? Will they be safe? Will he feed them? Will someone kidnap them when he’s not watching? Will he be inappropriate towards my 4 year old daughter? Why do these questions plague my mind? Simple. These are things that I have heard from my kids after being with him. I have video recordings of them telling me about their weekend upon returning to me.

My ex-husband is deaf with no peripheral vision and no night vision. Yet, the state of Texas has given him a license with no more restrictions than he wear normal glasses. Since getting his license, he has wrecked every vehicle he has driven, starting with my van. He even rolled his big truck after falling asleep at the wheel and within about 4-5 hours, they gave him a new one. Tell me where that makes sense. So the worry that he will crash with my kids on board makes me very nervous. He has recently downsized from the big Tundra to a Rav4 SUV. And last time we picked up the kids, we noticed that he had wrecked it. Still has the paper tags! Front and back fenders are both damaged.  
He doesn’t wake up to feed them until he’s good and ready. They complain about starving all morning because he ignores them when they try to wake him up. And when he does feed them, it’s usually an array of junk foods. Last time we picked them up, he told me he can’t afford groceries. He uses a credit card to pay for food. How is that possible when he’s not being forced to make his child support payments? He defrauded the IRS starting in 2014. He defrauded Disability starting in August of 2016. So he owes thousands of dollars to each of them. He got a fancy apartment with a nice garage because, as he told a mutual friend, “my truck is important and needs to be protected”. Great priorities when picking a place to live and have your kids over. When the kids are with him, they sleep in his living room. Boys on the floor, Ana with him on the couch. His only bedroom is used for his great Lego hobby. And then there was the time my daughter came home and told me, “Daddy got in the shower with me. I told him not to, but he didn’t listen.” As a mother, you can imagine where my thoughts went. Especially since I knew what he was capable of. After all, she came from the night he didn’t take no for an answer. She says nothing happened, he says she wanted him there. I try to think of it as a misunderstanding on his part.
He had bought season passes to 6 Flags before finding out he owed so much to so many. And since he feels it would be a waste not to use them, he takes the kids when he has them. Great, except for not having money for food and drinks. Much fun to be had even if he leaves the kids unattended while he rides the coasters they are scared of, right? Or he takes the oldest, at 8, and leaves the 4 year old with her 7 year old brother. What could possibly go wrong? Or how about letting them ride alone together and not meeting them where the ride ended? My daughter got hit in the head and was crying while her oldest brother was freaking out and running to find their dad. But all good, as “nothing bad happen”. That is the response I keep getting from him when I confront him about these things. Even after I point out the dangers. Even after I tell him what this means legally. Nope. Doesn’t matter. I’m just an overprotective, paranoid, crazy ex-wife who ruined his life. He tells the kids that it is my fault we are not a family anymore. And sends me a text of a picture that my daughter drew of the family where daddy and I are together again. My children know that will never happen.
So I stepped up. I won’t put him down. I won’t call him names. I won’t point out his flaws to the kids. I will not be that negative influence that paints a horrible picture of the sperm donor they know as their dad. He is doing that well enough on his own. My oldest son has made it clear that he only goes over there because he wants to play video games and because its his only chance to see his dads side of the family. My middle son has asked if he can stop going over there. I try to avoid that question. My daughter says she goes because he treats her like his favorite and she gets whatever she wants. What am I to do?
I tried talking to him. I tried getting his family to talk to him. I tried reporting him to Child Protective Services. None of those worked. CPS actually mailed me a letter saying that they didn’t think it was worth investigating. So I have now decided that I will fight for full custody. I won’t take any more of this. No more waiting for a phone call that something bad happened. Dreading the day they won’t return. I’m going to fight for them. It was a huge decision. One I kept shoving aside. My emotions were all over the place. My fiancĂ© has told me that God is in control no matter what happens. And I believe him to be right. As a Christian, I know that I have to trust that God is protecting them and that anything that happens is a part of His will. As a mother, I struggle. I am gasping for air. I am swimming against the tide. I’m drowning in the fear of what could happen. All because my attempts to educate him have failed. As my Mother pointed out, how can he know right from wrong when he was never taught to be a parent? In response, who will teach him when he doesn’t want to listen to me?

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Adventures in Parenting

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. And no one can ever convince me otherwise. It takes determination, courage, steel-willed mindsets, goal-making, compassion, and more patience than a saint. 
My life is far from where I wished it to be. Just a little over a year until I reach my thirties and having 3 children with another one on her way...
I question my own decisions often. But I love them more than life. I want to give them the best and strive to always train them in the right ways. 
My trials in parenting have spanned so many obstacles. Most recently, I have been trying to maneuver through life lessons in school, dealing with bullies, and what the golden rule really means. 
My oldest son struggles with school. In truth, both of my boys get bored and distracted easily. It takes a very clever and creative teacher to hold their attention. I'm having to really get fancy with how I make school behavior important. After all, how do you explain to an almost 8 year old that getting a good education leads to a finer life? In such a way that they actually want to try harder? I'm creating a rewards system as he seems to think that the finer life will be to just sit around, living with his mother, playing video games all day. Let's be real, kid. Once you become an adult, you will be held responsible. You will pay your own bills. And if I have to kick your butt out to prove it, I will! 
Then we have the Golden Rule and bullies. My oldest has been taught, "Do unto others as you would have them do to you." So when kids at school bullied him and picked on him, he translated that as that is how they wanted to be treated in turn. And he picked back. Let's give the boy props. In a world where everyone knows that you are supposed to treat others the way you want to be treated, you should know that if you treat someone badly it might come back to bite you. Right?? So I had to explain that no matter how someone treats you, the Rule is that you have to treat them how YOU want to be treated. You don't like being teased? Then don't tease them back when they are mean to you. My younger son, on the other hand, is learning that he has to stand up for himself and speak up. That I will defend him and seek justice for him, but I have to know what happened first. Hearing about the ways he's being treated by school mates has had my blood pressure spiking and the blood boiling. Partly, because this is my baby boy who is shy and quiet and doesn't do a lot of trouble-making. Partly, because my hormones are raging almost as bad as a teenagers right now. I have to remind myself or be reminded to breathe and take it one step at a time. To think it over before reacting. Otherwise I'd probably end up going into a parallel 'roid rage fit over just about anything.  
My patience is thinner than normal. So I have to be slower to speak and take longer to think about things. Again, I blame hormones. And I also blame the pain I feel quite often. Being reduced to part time at work has helped, but let's face the music. Until this baby gets here, I'm going to have to bite my lip and deal with muscular pain, popping and grinding joints, headaches, lack of sleep, and the overall feeling of discomfort. But as they say, its all worth it in the end. 
Here's even more fun that comes with being a parent - having your words thrown back at you in such a way, that you have to stop and rethink them. Not sure how that goes? Well, I gave you one example with the Golden Rule conversation. But imagine this... My supervisor asked her son, "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" We have all heard that one, right? Heard it, said it... Well, his answer is classic. "Well, maybe. There's water under it, right? And you did it before too. So why not?" Ever had a moment like that? No? Just wait, you will. Unless you are raising a useless sheep that follows and  never has an original thought of their own.
Kids are smarter than we often give them credit for. They do take in what we say, what we do, and our reactions. They also have a tendency to mimic those things. Like mother, like daughter. Like father, like son. Those phrases aren't just for the fun of saying them. They are real truths, discovered by parents over years of observation. 

Which brings me to another challenge I'm facing. Standing up to my 3 kids' father and saying no to his requests for more time with them. Being a divorced parent is ugly. Even when the separation was relatively peaceful, as ours was. It brings hardships and transitions. Only my oldest seems to grasp the "why" of it all. My middle child doesn't care. And my daughter is only concerned with going to her dads to get spoiled. So I have had enough. I was nice about letting him take them repeatedly whenever it suited him. But I've come to realize the damage it causes. He doesn't enforce rules. He doesn't watch them and keep them safe as he's supposed to. And he uses them to pass time because he is "bored". Nearly eight years we were married. Nearly 8 years he had the chance to be a father. Almost 8 years he had to prove that he was willing to do what it took to be the man he needed to be, to love them as he should, to care and provide for them. And he wasted every bit of it. Now that we are mostly out of his life, he has found himself alone, bored, and listless. He has nothing but his under-the-table Lego business to keep him company. Maybe the occasional moments with friends or family. And now, all the sudden, he can't get enough time with the kids. Sadly, I've decided he is a little too late. My kids are getting educated. They are learning discipline. They are learning rewards and consequences (a concept my Sales Manager painted clearly for me recently). I can't allow them to learn his bad habits. To be endangered by his lack of parental guidance. And be led astray by someone they don't really care for, but spend time with just so they can get whatever they want or do whatever they want. (Which is the reason they told me they go.) This is a part of parenting that hurts. And one that I hope they will come to understand in the years that follow. 
Being a parent is hard. Its the hardest job I'll ever know. But I face it. I hope and pray that I make it through in one piece. That my children become the greatest they can be. And become Nerds... 

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Breakfast is the most important meal?

I hear that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. My children see this repeated on their tv shows quite often. So why is this considered a "breakfast" by government standards?

Schools included in the program get to provide free breakfasts to children. According to the school my boys are in, you get 3-4 free items on your plate. In order for them to get this free plate, they have to have a fruit or juice with it. Anything past that, you pay for. So if I wanted to add cereal and milk, its at least .50 extra. Not a lot, but for a 5 year old, how do you think they handle the money? Or have to memorize a pin to access their account. Fortunately for my kids, they are light eaters in the morning after waking up. But by 9-ish, they are ready to start eating. At school, they won't eat lunch until 11:15. 
For each child that participates, the government reimburses the school so much money. 
My kids are in Kindergarten. I can see this being okay for their age group. Especially as so many kids seem to be obese even at that age. But what about the older kids? So far as I could tell, this amount was for everyone. Do they hold all ages to the same amounts of food? If that's the case, what is lunch like? Thankfully, I make my children's lunches. But still. And then, what if they are super active? They will burn through this meal like a comet entering the atmosphere. So who sets the limits? Who decides how much is enough? I didn't see anything that explained what I wanted to know on the fact sheet posted to the government website that I linked above. I will make sure that I continue packing hefty snacks and lunches for my boys. They have a very high metabolism like me. 
The lunch program looks to be the same only they provide just a slight bit more than breakfast. But there is the problem of whether a school is submitting fraudulent applications to boost their funding. Or if the school your child is in is following the guidelines set out by Michelle Obama, chances are good your child will opt out of eating anything at all.
Why? Well, look at the things approved for the menu. Are they things you make at home or eat on a regular basis? Is your child a picky eater? If a kid doesn't like something, they won't eat. Not until they are starving and they have absolutely no choice. I approve of someone taking action in making things healthier and trying to help in the fight against child obesity. What I don't approve of is going to such lengths that the above lunches are considered "enough" to satisfy a child old enough to tweet it. 

As parents, its our responsibility to make sure that our children are taken care of. We might drop them into the hands of others for 7+ hours while we make a living or otherwise handle life, but at the end of the day its our job to care for them. We are to provide them the best in life. So make sure your child is eating the appropriate amount. The government may set standards, but those standards don't fit the needs of every individual. We know our kids. We know their needs. Let's keep them on the healthy living track that we know they need. 

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Some posts from the Twigtale experts that I enjoyed

I was browsing the blog posts on Twigtale. They have some really useful things concerning raising children and the problems parents often face. I got permission to repost a couple that struck me as being especially helpful. I suggest you check them out as well.
As a parent, I have to learn to step back and let my children grow. They have to learn some things by experience. Part of that is getting bumps or scrapes. Its those awkward moments of meeting another child and finding out how to interact with them. This is what Twigtale expert, Dr. Wendy Denham, PhD had to say on this issue:
 

Tuesday Toddler Tip – Let It Be, Knowing When Not To Step In

Like the Beatles said… one of the most important things parents have to learn is when not to step in to the rescue. Tempting as it may be!
Try not to rush in and save your child from uncomfortable experiences, whether it be an awkward social interaction at the park, difficulty holding a crayon or figuring out how to use a toy. These experiences provide invaluable learning experiences for your child in seeing that they (and you!) can survive these feelings, and that feelings (even hard ones) come and go. This builds frustration tolerance and an ability to persevere through difficulty. If you’re not sure what to do, try narrating their experience. This can be just the facts, eg. ‘You’re really trying to hold that crayon and it keeps falling down’. Or maybe you notice how they’re feeling eg. ‘you’re really frustrated because you’re trying to hold that crayon and it keeps falling down.’ Your child will feel like you are paying attention, and that you understand. You are helping to give them the tools and introduce them to the all important language of feelings and emotions.
Toddler Tip brought to you by our new Twigtale child development expert Dr. Wendy Denham, PhD.

The other post I thought was a good one, was posted by the Twigtale Team:

Guest Post: How To Raise Clear, Confident & Kind Girls

Raising a Girl:  A Blog Entry from our Twigtale Co-founder.
Raising two daughters, in LA, in the 21st century?  Terrifying.  I jumped at the chance to attend, Tandy Parks‘  class on “Raising a Girl.”  She had awesome suggestions on how to raise “clear, confident and kind” girls, and below are 3 of my favorite take-aways.
1) Focus on the Internal, Not External
One suggestion Tandy had to help our daughters cope with modern society’s obsession with aesthetics is to avoid focusing on their looks.  Instead, focus on something from within.  Instead of saying “you look pretty in that dress,” try saying “oh, you look happy in that dress.” It will help your daughter learn to find pride in who she is, not what she looks like.
2) Celebrate Your Daughter’s Emotions – ALL OF THEM!  
Help them learn it is ok to be angry and assertive!  Tandy suggests that the “mean girls” phenomena is likely a result of parents telling their daughters to “be nice” and “good little girls.”  These statements teach girls to internalize their anger.  We need to teach our daughters how to openly, and appropriately express their emotions – which will lead to more confident girls with better conflict negotiation skills.
3) Activity and movement is key!
We need to encourage our daughters to move their bodies, so they ultimately have confidence in their physical skills, develop assertiveness and learn to take appropriate physical risks.  Helping your daughter find confidence in her physicality is a great way to combat society’s unhealthy image of beauty and sexuality.
Tandy Parks, MPH is a parent educator in Santa Monica.  She hosts multiple discussion groups for parents every month.  She also is available for individaul consultation: http://tandyparks.com/index.htm
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Thursday, May 23, 2013

Puj Nub review

I was recently accepted to be a product tester for Puj. They have some innovative tools for parents to simplify daily life with children. Their latest addition is the Puj Nub.
Its a cute little twist to a boring hook. Just peel and stick anywhere. Parents need hooks to keep organized, keep stuff out of the way in an orderly way that doesn't look cluttered, and also to keep things in easy reach for little hands. The Nub is perfect for all of those! Its made from a softer rubber-like material that is smooth all over. The back has a strong sticky pad to keep it hanging and holding its load. My kids actually stuck it to the window before I had a chance to stick it in their bathroom as I had planned. It took a lot of effort to get it off. These are meant to take the pulling that little kiddos put into it! I managed to get it off the window and rehang it in the bathroom to hold their towels (which had been ending up on the floor a lot). The bright blue matches their decor and I really like the shape of it compared to regular hooks! They now hang their towel up proudly.
The Nub is best used on smooth surfaces like tile, glass, metal, shower walls, etc. Just wipe the surface clean then peel and stick. To ensure a stronger hold, leave it for 24 hours before using. It works well in water so you can hang it in the shower to hang the bath toys or wash cloths with.
***IMPORTANT: Not to be used on sheetrock, wallpaper or textured surfaces.***
Check out Puj on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or their website.