We are down to the wire now!

We are now less than 2 weeks away from the wedding day! Only 10 days to be exact. This past weekend, we went to visit my in laws. While there, I tried on my dress for the last time.

My fiancés grandmother has done a marvelous job with it! I also bought shoes to wear.

We picked up my fiancés suit. He is truly ready to deck out like Captain Picard now.

My mother-in-law made this sign for the minister to hold up after our ceremony.

This is what happens when two nerds are joined.

We discussed hair strategy.

I know what I wish my hair looked like, but I also know how stubborn my hair can be. So we are prepared. I’m going to be practicing this week to get the curls in the right order.

I am also doing this to save time on the big day. I still have favors to lay out, changing time, and last minute details to see to. This is what happens when you are on a budget. But I prefer it this way. I’m not like other brides. I don’t have the bridezilla mode. I don’t freak out over every little detail. I go with the flow and make adjustments as needed. I don’t want those assisting me to get overwhelmed or feel ready to walk away. I don’t want my guests to feel like everything is timed and choreographed throughout the day. My day, is your day. Our day to have fun and celebrate. I think too often, couples forget what is really important. Pictures are there to remind us of the details. But the moments themselves will be in our memories through the ages. A lavish ceremony followed by a grand reception? You can spend all the money in the world on those things, but what comes later? Or be smart about it. Have something simpler and follow it with the fun times you spend with the ones you love, making memories. This is our goal. We have all our lives to live after this one day. Even if we had more to spend, we wouldn’t. We are putting towards what happens next.

Reliving the memories

I was cleaning out the Hotmail account that I had used when I was married. I had so many saved emails in there. One by one, I sorted through them. My folder now holds about 49 emails for me to trash or transfer. Among them, are gems that my mother sent me. I've been re-reading them and feeling so loved. She has been the most amazing woman. She is strong, wise, compassionate and always forgiving. I saved these emails to reference when I was feeling lost, worthless, hopeless, or just needed a reminder that she was still there - remembering me. She is a busy woman who has 8 of her kids at home. Only her two oldest are moved out and living on their own. But even though we are way out in Texas, she makes time to check in. She wants to know what we are doing. And she is constantly offering assistance in some way.

I would not be the woman I am today without her. She could have given up. She could have walked away. She could've said it was too much. But she never did. And I don't think she ever will. Instead she shares her experiences and reminds me that we all make mistakes. That no matter what choices we make, we have the chance to change and grow through them. As long as we keep learning, we can continue to move forward. I can't tell you how many times she helped me, possibly without knowing, through the darkest moments of my life. And she wasn't alone. We adopted our Nana S. I have emails from her that paint a story of what she went through in her life. Her experiences also reminded me to stand tall. The two of them encouraged my growth to independence. They reminded me what I am capable of when I stop letting someone else control me. My dad also emailed me. Encouragement, scriptures and words of his regrets and how they shaped his future decisions.

I want to share some of them with you. And while reading, I want you other parents to think of something. I want you to consider leaving letters and notes to your kids. Talk about what you are going through. What they are doing. What about them makes you proud to be their parent. Keep them together. And when you think they need it most, or when they old enough - pass them on. You might be surprised when your words become their light in a darkness they feel engulfed in. I saved cards, letters and emails from the people I loved and respected most during my life. I treasure each one more than silver and gold. And they have helped me get back on the path of happiness when I needed it most. 

From my mother nearly 7 years ago: 

"Here is a reminder of who you are. As I was running this morning, I wanted to give up. I put on my Cd and when this song came on, I remembered when it was just you and me. You always kept me going when I just wanted to quit. Again, you are in my heart and never letting me give up. I love you so much. You are the blessing from God that keeps me going. I know the other children are important gifts to me but I can always think of you and a time when it was ONLY you that never let me just quit. I am who I am today in part from having you (only the good part). Don't forget who you are as your life goes on. I have for many years forgot who I am and some days, I can't figure it out. You are someone's mom and wife but you will forever be my "Suzzane". And that is a LOT!!"

I will always be your mom.

Sadly, the song she sent was removed from YouTube. 

After having a rough night with my firstborn, I had emailed her.  She responded with this:

"It is so hard being a parent. It is hard getting the child into the world. It is hard raising them to be good citizens. Then it is hard to watch them walk out of your life to start their own. We will always love you all and wish for a better life then what we have. Can you understand? Now that you have your own, I know you see things differently now. I am so here for you day or night. If you need me, just call. I love you more than you can EVER know."

5.9.2010 For Mother's Day
"I know I was a good mom because I look at the job you're doing and see that work paid off. You are a great mom and I love you very much. Happy Mom's Day."

I could go on with words from those who love me most. When I told my fiance about them, I mentioned the idea of writing to each of our children in a notebook. Then when they are older, we will give them the notebooks. I want to leave memories, encouragement, and words of love they can lean on later in life. 

Creating the music list for the best day of our lives

Every wedding deserves a playlist that speaks volumes about the couple. My fiance and I, however, took our list a step further. We asked family and friends what songs they love. What would they want to play? After all, they have a dance floor opening up to them. But if the music is all us, they won't want to get up and move. We are nerds. There is Linkin Park, techno, maybe some anime tunes... Yeah, I can see a lot of motionless people now. So we have a huge mix. Techno, country, pop, foreign, set dance (what do you call a song that calls out the moves?), old and classic songs, as well as classic rock. We even have Lindsey Stirling! I respect that this day is ours. That it is all about us, but how do we expect to have a great time if everyone around us is miserable, silent and itching to escape? 
So I compiled a list on my YouTube account to show you how we Nerds roll. Just know, there are songs that I had on the list from my computer that don't show on the YouTube one. But I am curious. What songs did you have? What song would you want?  

Don't we all love being Mother's?!

Mother's Day is almost upon us. It is that one day every year that is dedicated to showing our love and affection for our moms. Typical ways we do so? Take them to dinner, buy them gifts, send them a card. 

Once a year isn't nearly enough to pour out our love and show them how much we appreciate them. How we are thankful for all they have done. I mean think about it...
We spend 9-10 months growing them and losing our shape. We take anywhere from 6 hours to several days in labor. Then the next 18 years are to grow them into adults. Or just keep them alive. That is a full time job in itself. Because kids are dangerous, little bio-hazard, stunt devils. They collect illnesses like we adults collect comic books or silver grams. They think they can climb walls because Spider-Man does or fly like Super Man. We are constantly chasing them, constantly wiping noses, or admonishing them.  
We wash clothes nearly daily. Dishes multiply almost as soon as you clean the "last" one. Diapers have to be changed. The list goes on. And that's just so they can stay clean and healthy. Then you have things like teaching them to speak. Teaching them manners. Leading them by example to live like upstanding citizens. 

So this Mother's Day, I want you all to take a deep breath and have a moment of peace. Sleep in if you can. Have someone else take care of cooking for a day (if you are able). And remember that someone will one day see everything you are doing and be thankful for it! Hopefully.... 

Happy Mother's Day!

You know you've found your match when...

So my fiance and I are still going through our premarital counseling sessions. We have learned a great deal that brings us closer together. And the last session was probably the best one so far! The first time we went in, the counselor had asked us both to fill out this double-sided page. The first side was attributes we think fit us closest. There were 4 rows. A, B, C, D going from left to right and then words under each row going down. Our task was to pick the word going left to right in each row that fit us best. Then at the bottom of that, we were to tally up how many per row. That would tell us what personality we had the most. Then you flip the paper over and there are 4 boxes. Each box has a list of about 6 things. You have to read each list and number them 1-4 with 1 being the set of characteristics you find most needed and 4 being the least. This is all from the CORE MAP evaluation.
My fiance did his, I did mine. And on our latest visit, we finally reached the point of discussing our personality styles. Our results as to our own individual character traits, were nearly identical. Our needs were identical. The counselor was so surprised by these results. In his 10 years of being a marriage counselor, he has only had 2 couples (one being us) to have such results. And due to the  nature of our relationship, he was able to verify that my second chance brought me to better choices with my partner. You see, my first husband was the exact opposite of me in character. And as they say, opposites attract. But as the counselor pointed out, they are attractive in the beginning because  they are everything we may wish to be.

I can say from experience, this is true. It doesn't mean that opposites can't work out. He and his wife are total opposites. They key lies in understanding those differences and how to mesh them together. The same goes for your needs. You have to understand each others needs. And follow up that line of thinking with their values. Seeing that my needs in a relationship matched his to a T made me happy. We both follow in the same lines. As for our personalities, there are 4 types; Commander, Organizer, Relater, Entertainer = CORE.

I am an Organizer/Commander. Though my Commander personality is probably tied to the way I've lived all my life. I've always had a reason to be the one to step up and take charge. I've always had to look out for someone. But I'm crazy about being organized. These personality traits are also divided by the sides of the brain they reside in. Organizers are introverted. Commanders are extroverted. When I need to take charge or be included in a team effort, I can portray my extroverted self. But I'm more comfortable being shy and hidden as an introvert. My fiance is more of the Relater. He seeks peace and harmony with all involved. Being the man of the house, however, he knows he has to take charge and lead with authority. But even in doing so, he also accepts that there are things I'm more qualified to take over on. I'll just be sure to run it by him and accept that his decision is the final word.
Through these lessons, we are learning where boundaries lie. Where our strengths as a couple reside, as well as where we need to work to be better. For as the Bible says, when two get married, they leave father and mother and become one together. This is what we are striving towards.

Mother's Day is on its way!

I don't have much money these days, so I am trying my hand at making gifts for the Nana's and Nona in our lives. Gotta admit, I'm no good at crafting. If it weren't for the fact that these are done mostly by the kids, I'd have thrown them away instead of trying to wrap them up for the recipients... Well, that and I don't know what else to do.

I got out the left over modge podge from creating the galaxy jars. Then I got some glitter. These packs are actually meant for nail art, but hey, glitter is glitter right? And then boom! We have craft and messy time.



What are you doing for Mother's Day? What special plans do you have? What gift ideas did you plan on for this year?

Prosper and live long, you must!

See what I did there? If you didn't, that's okay. Not everyone speaks geek. 

Star Wars Day is on May 4th. Its May the Fourth (be with you), actually. My family had a little help from my dear friend Mary in preparing for this day! She brought over some Lego Star Wars Yoda ear hats. During a moment of bonding with my future nerdlings, we decided to take pictures and be our silly selves together. I also determined it was time for a new couple selfie with my fiance.

While doing so, I noticed that he was wearing his Star Trek shirt (one of them). While I'm wearing my Star Wars shirt (my only one). So when he went to take my picture with the kids, I went ahead and did the Vulcan hand sign we know so well from our beloved Spock. All the while, telling my Trekkie husband-to-be, "Prosper and live long, you must!"

His smile, combined with the laughter of my children, made my afternoon perfect.

Moments like these erase all the worry and fears of life. They are the mountain tops in the path of my life's walk. Tomorrow, I might find myself in a valley once again. And I will look back at this brief glimpse of beauty that will drive me to push harder towards the next wonderful memory. 

Chin up, Moms! This is what true happiness looks like. 

Happy Star Wars Day!

Strengthening Relationship Foundations

Why does time speed up when your to-do list feels so long?! We are currently taking premarital counseling as a requirement before getting married. I went into it begrudgingly. No offense to anyone who believes in it, but I hadn't seen success in others that utilized such services. That, and it was draining our reserve money as well. Plus, it takes time away from other things we have going on. We are required to have 5 sessions of 1.5 hours long and it costs $90 a session. You do the math. But I considered it something I would approach open-mindedly. After all, I want this marriage to be strong in its foundations. To truly last. One failed marriage and rocky divorce is more than enough for me. I don't want any more. And I know we both come together with our personal issues.

The first two sessions have been great. I was steeled against the bombardment of questions and provocation that I believed counselors were all about. Turns out... I was wrong. As a matter of fact, even with just these 2 sessions, my fiancé and I have begun to talk more and be a little more open about things. Okay, more so me. I don't like to "complain" about things. Or tell him when I'm bothered by something. Don't know why, but I prefer to keep everything bottled up. Especially when I know there is nothing he or I can do about it. That's what my journal is for, right? Yeah... no. I clam up. I shut down. Emotions go out the window. I become... robotic? Bugs the daylights out of him. No matter how hard I try, that's my defense. Its the wall I put up. I am getting better about it.

Counseling has helped. It was a requirement that I now feel should be given to all. It should be embraced. Especially when you are planning to unlock the Lifetime Partner achievement. (We totally plan to have the minister hold one of these up at the end of the ceremony!)

We still have a long way to go. Both of us, however, have faith that no matter what the future holds, we will go through the remainder of our lives together. We will weather the storms and make the best of everything. Together.

Finding that perfect guy



Falling for the Casanovas of today is a dangerous game. So many guys are only out there looking to add another notch on their belt. So if you are tired of having your heart broken or leaving a relationship feeling broken and used… maybe it’s time you tried a new approach.

Find a guy, and I know they are rare (but they do exist!), who holds fast to chivalry. What is chivalry?

What is Chivalry? The definition is as follows:

chiv·al·ry

o    The combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.

o    Courteous behavior, especially that of a man toward women.

 

synonyms:	gallantry, gentlemanliness, courtesy, politeness, graciousness, good manners
antonyms:	rudeness

Why? He will treat you like his queen. He’s the type of guy that will be there for you when you need him most. Sometimes without you even telling him that something is wrong. He takes the time to get to know you enough that he can tell when something is wrong with you. He’s that guy who speaks with words that seem old fashioned. And no, I don’t mean that he will use some fake but fancy accent when he talks. He is sincere. His compliments are rich. They are well thought out. And every bit of them is tailored to you. He does things that he knows you need done without asking, telling or making a big deal of. Know what I love? Having him make my bed, tighten that loose door handle, or wash the left over dishes when I’m not around. I don’t say anything. I don’t have to. He knows what I need done and he does these and more for me. And he doesn’t say anything about it. No, “Hey, by the way, I did such and such for you.” He doesn’t seek praise for these little things. He leaves them like sweet surprises for me to find later. That’s what a truly good guy who understands chivalry will be like. That’s what you should be looking for.

Don’t go for that guy who looks amazing but talks like an airhead. Give him 10-20 years depending on his lifestyle and you will have a sagging loser that you can’t believe you had a crush on way back when. And watch out for the sweet talkers who can’t back up their words. Words are only words until they are backed by actions that demonstrate them. Love is an action. The word itself is a verb, not just a noun. It’s what you do to show how you feel that makes it true.

Not the words that give you goosebumps. Or those that make you all giggly. Look for the one with words that warm your heart. That makes you feel proud of yourself. Building you up without being empty, fluffy statements. So the guy who says, “You’re hot!” versus that guy who says, “You’re beautiful.” is how you can tell who is more sincere. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I want to be told I’m hot, but only in the right moment. Tell me I’m beautiful and I’m more likely to listen to you. When you are told you are beautiful, chances are stronger that he sees the beauty shining from within. Hot is what he calls you when he wants to get laid.

I asked a modern “knight” what chivalry meant to him. His response was as follows:

“It opens the door for a much deeper relationship. It also allows one’s mind to be open to new possibilities. To act chivalrous, one has to think in a different manner. Meaning that it takes the mind to new areas of itself that aren’t usually stimulated during adolescence. This effect is amplified when this individual is also learning so much more about the woman he’s interacting with. It allows him to learn and grow in new ways.”

This, ladies. This is what men of today are missing. This is what women should be looking for. This is where you will find the lasting, lifetime of true love with your best friend.
This Valentine's Day, I spent with my gentleman. He and my mother bought me Star Wars themed gifts for my new kitchen.

(They know me so well!) He made me dinner, helped with the laundry, and had flowers (Don't buy ProFlowers) delivered.

He also had Shari's Berries deliver chocolate covered strawberries.

Talk about delicious....

Also, for those who love historical tidbits... Click here to get the scoop on how Valentine's Day got started! Kinda a dark event...

Celebrating 3 years of joy

My daughter turned 3 years old this past week.

She has brought so much happiness to all of us. Even to her brothers who, I admit, used to "love" on her so much more when she was a baby. Now that she's big enough to walk, talk, and hit them when they don't listen, I do hear "I don't like babies or sisters. Can we give her away?" Yet, they look out for her and help her when she needs them. 

She likes to play "Ninja Fruit" (Fruit Ninja game). She doesn't mind the idea of beating someone up. And cleaning up her barbies is never something she wants to be doing. 

She is growing so fast! And Saturday we had friends over to enjoy those 3 years we have had thus far. 

I made favor bags using all these things that came purely from the clearance shelves, mostly if not all from Target.

I also made some for the boys as I don't think they want a bunch of Princess items. 

Despite being exhausted from a long work week, I stayed up late before going to work the graveyard shift to set up her decorations and set out her gifts. 
The look on her face was worth everything. 

Here's to many more years with my baby girl. 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Whether you have a special someone in your life or not, don't be afraid to enjoy today. You shouldn't need someone to make you feel amazing about yourself. Take it from someone who has been married 7 years and has had more heartache than love. Being with someone is never better than being alone, if you are unhappy. 

So if you have the love of your life, enjoy every moment and treasure today. 

If you're single, get dressed up and spoil yourself today. I know I am! 

These are my Valentine's! And I got dressed up to go to Target 😆. AFTER cleaning the garage and doing laundry... And cleaning up the toys... You get the point. Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

Tomorrow is Mother's Day! I hope everyone remembered to get their mother something, at least a card. And/or will at least remember to call them and tell them how much you love them. I sent two cards to the most important women in my family: my mother and my great grandmother. I could not be the woman I am today without them. I plan to also plan to tell my Godmother (even though I forgot her card) that she has and always be an amazing influence on my life. 

Mother's Day isn't just a day to get gifts and cards for the women who were there for us all our lives. Nor should it be the only day of the year that we treat them special. It's just the one time designated to honor them for their hard work and dedication. 

This Mother's Day, I want to give a shout out of love to some of the women I'm blessed to have in my life and have known for so long: 

Robin Carter - my mother

Bonnie Mouhart - my great grandmother

Ava McDaniel - my Godmother

Sandie W. - my "Grandmother" who adopted me in like family and always listens

Sue Lounsberry - my mentor

Jean Wombough and Dawn Walton - encouraging Christian voices reminding me to walk in God's ways

These women aren't all related by blood, but if I picked my family, they would be among them. 

Be thankful and voice the love you feel for the women in your life. Not just tomorrow, but everyday.