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Monday, May 1, 2017

You know you've found your match when...

So my fiance and I are still going through our premarital counseling sessions. We have learned a great deal that brings us closer together. And the last session was probably the best one so far! The first time we went in, the counselor had asked us both to fill out this double-sided page. The first side was attributes we think fit us closest. There were 4 rows. A, B, C, D going from left to right and then words under each row going down. Our task was to pick the word going left to right in each row that fit us best. Then at the bottom of that, we were to tally up how many per row. That would tell us what personality we had the most. Then you flip the paper over and there are 4 boxes. Each box has a list of about 6 things. You have to read each list and number them 1-4 with 1 being the set of characteristics you find most needed and 4 being the least. This is all from the CORE MAP evaluation.
My fiance did his, I did mine. And on our latest visit, we finally reached the point of discussing our personality styles. Our results as to our own individual character traits, were nearly identical. Our needs were identical. The counselor was so surprised by these results. In his 10 years of being a marriage counselor, he has only had 2 couples (one being us) to have such results. And due to the  nature of our relationship, he was able to verify that my second chance brought me to better choices with my partner. You see, my first husband was the exact opposite of me in character. And as they say, opposites attract. But as the counselor pointed out, they are attractive in the beginning because  they are everything we may wish to be.

I can say from experience, this is true. It doesn't mean that opposites can't work out. He and his wife are total opposites. They key lies in understanding those differences and how to mesh them together. The same goes for your needs. You have to understand each others needs. And follow up that line of thinking with their values. Seeing that my needs in a relationship matched his to a T made me happy. We both follow in the same lines. As for our personalities, there are 4 types; Commander, Organizer, Relater, Entertainer = CORE.
I am an Organizer/Commander. Though my Commander personality is probably tied to the way I've lived all my life. I've always had a reason to be the one to step up and take charge. I've always had to look out for someone. But I'm crazy about being organized. These personality traits are also divided by the sides of the brain they reside in. Organizers are introverted. Commanders are extroverted. When I need to take charge or be included in a team effort, I can portray my extroverted self. But I'm more comfortable being shy and hidden as an introvert. My fiance is more of the Relater. He seeks peace and harmony with all involved. Being the man of the house, however, he knows he has to take charge and lead with authority. But even in doing so, he also accepts that there are things I'm more qualified to take over on. I'll just be sure to run it by him and accept that his decision is the final word.
Through these lessons, we are learning where boundaries lie. Where our strengths as a couple reside, as well as where we need to work to be better. For as the Bible says, when two get married, they leave father and mother and become one together. This is what we are striving towards.


  1. Comunication is key. Without it, nothing will work.

    1. That is very true. And something I have to work on.