A Whirlwind of a Week

You ever feel like time just slips by and suddenly you are asking yourself where did it go? This week has flown by so quickly, that I'm looking over each day and wondering, what did I do?! 

We have spent so much time celebrating my sons birthday. He had 3... no, 4 celebrations. He had cupcakes in his class, he had a mini party at our home, dinner with his dad, and a party at his Nona's house. 

My daughter wanted to be a mermaid for the costume parade at school. So I made her this little "bra". She wasn't thrilled with it after it kept falling down though...

We had to take our van in to get a recall part swapped out. And thank God for the blessings, it was exactly the part that was causing the van not to start some times! So now, the van works great and we didn't have to pay for the exchange. 

My daughter has been having trouble sleeping at night, so guess who needs a nap when she sleeps in the morning?

Our yard had to be torn up by the developers. Then, when they were digging their ditch, they cut my internet cord. That was a fun mess....

The week wasn't over yet. We still had the kids getting out of school early, going up to the in-laws place dressed as Mr. and Mrs. Vader,

a party for the oldest boy, and a stop at the comic book store. Halloween Comic Fest was here! I hope you looked up your local comic shop and saw what they had to offer. There were some photo ops to go with those free comic books at our local shops.

 

For my sons birthday weekend at his Nona's house, we also played with Nerf guns and carved pumpkins.

It has been a blast. While I enjoyed it, I'm still looking forward to it being calmer this week. I have some projects to knock out at around the house. How crazy are your weeks? Are you getting in the full holiday swing yet??

Celebrating Nine Years!

What have I done? I have raised a nine year old geek! And I'm so proud of myself!!! Okay, but seriously... My oldest turned NINE YEARS OLD today!!! Where has the time gone? I feel like just yesterday I was screaming into the doctors face that if he would step a little closer, I'd kick his face in. 

 At 2 years old, always a happy boy.

Giving birth to my oldest rewrote my understanding of pain. I'd take spinal fusions any day in comparison. And the fact that I was also worried about my babies life (that night before he came was very concerning to say the least), only amplified my will to bring him in to this world quickly and safely. I was in labor for 25 hours. I forced them to induce me after having blood clots an inch thick and the size of a half dollar drop out from between my legs the evening before. I freaked out. I thought I was losing my baby even though I was technically full term. They had kept me under observation for 12 hours, though I never saw the doctor during that time. Then they told me to go home. No explanation. Just said I was fine. When I mentioned the blood, they acted like they didn't know what I was talking about and said I was probably losing the blood that pools "down there" since we don't have periods when pregnant. Now, I'm not a doctor. I have no medical training. Maybe they were on the up an up. But in my gut, I felt differently. I told them they had two options. They could send me home and I would stay there the next time I went into labor. I'd have my baby alone in my bath tub and be all the happier for it. OR they could induce me. They chose to induce. Hmm... 
There is a reason women prefer to go naturally and not be induced. It really is the worse pain in the world. You start off good. Then you are slammed by wave after wave of excruciating, ab-tensing painful contractions. I had told myself I was going natural. Its safer. Its healthier. I lived through three spinal fusions. How bad could giving birth be? 
I was dying. GIVE ME THE EPIDURAL! 
You know what the anesthesiologist said? No. I'm not touching you. WHAT?! No epidural for this momma. Ever. My spine is cause for pause with them. One wrong move with that needle and they will paralyze me. So I went ahead. Full steam. Screaming and writhing in agony. With a deaf husband standing at my side, frozen in panic and a face that said, "I did this?" That was the only time I saw repentance in that mans face in all the 7 1/2 years we were married. 
When the time came, the doctor finally came in. I'd been there 24 hours and then some! HE FINALLY WALKED IN! He was a prick. It was time and he strolls in asking how I was. I started screaming with the next contraction to answer his question. He tells me to shut up. "You need to stop screaming and save your breath to push." No, what I need is for you to step a little closer so that my foot can be planted squarely in your face. The nurses wouldn't allow my mother in the room with me either. They said it would be too many people. My mother warned me to let it go. She didn't want the nurses to be ugly to me if I was stubborn about something. I still regret not having her there. Might have made the time go easier. Might not have. But she should have been given that option. 
Then I started bleeding out. I went into shock. No one seemed to notice. I told my husband to cover me with a blanket. Then the doctor says, "You bled out and went into shock a little." No, duh, Sherlock! I couldn't hold my baby. Turns out, I tore. My doctor didn't help ease the baby out as he crowned by massage the passageway. Then, he said that after I tore it wasn't open enough so he needed to cut me open a little more. Talk about wanting to murder my doctor! (He wasn't even MY doctor. He was my doctors husband!) 
I lay there. Crying. Watching them with my newborn across the room. His father was cutting the cord, holding his hand, helping to wipe him off. And I lay there shaking, just watching. It was torture. Then he brings this little bundle to me. And suddenly, the world could've disappeared and it wouldn't have mattered. I felt nothing of the pain anymore. I saw my son. So little. He was the most beautiful sight in all the world. I know every mother says that, but its true for each of us. Everything fades away when you see what you accomplished and hold your baby for the first time. I wasn't able to hold him for a while, but he at least laid next to me. And I was happy. I lay there, happy. The doctor sewed me up, congratulated me, and I never had to see him again. 

At 4 years old, this boy was and still is full of energy!

Fast forward to now. He's in second grade. He can do triple digit math. He LOVES Star Wars. He probably knows it a little better than I do. Great at spelling (chip off the old block!). He's embracing a love for Star Trek as his step father is teaching him how it is better than Star Wars... 
And I could not be more proud. This is my little man. Growing up. Too fast. A lover of people. 

He stole my heart then and he holds it even now.

Learning to Let Go

As your children grow older, you might have a harder time accepting that they have likes and interests that vary from what you thought they liked or were into. They are changing. It can be so subtle at times, that we don't realize it until it slaps us in the face. 

I've been purging the house of things that we don't need, never use, or I really don't think we will have a use for anymore. We also cleaned out the storage closet under the stairs recently. I needed the Christmas decorations brought to the front, as soon we will find it is time to set up the tree and decorations. I also wanted to pull out the pre-pregnancy clothes that I have decided not to "hope" I will ever fit into again. This rear of mine has grown with the last pregnancy and I think its all hips. It's not going anywhere. (Which makes my husband a happy man.) While doing this, I noticed that we had accumulated 3 totes of books. I'm talking the 18 gallon-sized bins. Of books. So I got to thinking... I had been packing away books and swapping out kids books every so often with the hope that eventually we would own our own home and the kids could have a bookshelf with a lot of books they can read whenever they want. Its a great dream. But right now... its just a dream. We are probably not going to have a house for another year. Maybe two. So I pulled out all the books and sorted them. I even pulled out my books. I had tote filled with my personal collection and decided that if I'm going to truly make space, I need to start reading and/or pass along the ones I no longer plan to read. 

This was the first moment that I came to realize my kids were growing up and changing without me noticing. I had asked them to go through the stacks and put any books they loved and wanted to keep on the shelf. Anything they no longer wanted, would go in a separate stack on the floor. I was seeing books going into that stack of "get rid of" that shocked me. "But I thought you liked that one?" was my response a couple times. "Yes, but I think I want something else now." was the answer they gave. Wow! Who were these kids? When did they change and get bored with these favorites? But I accepted it. After all, they are growing up now. They read on their own. Okay the two oldest children do. My kindergartner is just now learning. It is time to adapt to their new interests. 

Then came another revelation. I went in my daughters' room. My oldest daughter is 5 years old now. She dresses herself and knows her style. We differ on what looks good, but I often respect her choices when she puts together an outfit. I go in there to grab something for the baby. That's when I saw it. Her overflowing drawer. That girl had too many clothes. More than any of the rest of us had. Her drawer was so full, she couldn't close it! It sat half open with clothes hanging out of it. I sat on the floor, pulled everything out, and began to stack them in piles. Pants here. Shorts there. Shirts in this stack. Skirts in a group. It was everywhere on her floor. I called her in. Mind you, this was as she was getting ready for bed on a school night. My husband gave me the "Really?" look. Yes, really. This was getting out of hand and I kept putting it off. "Let's go through your wardrobe, lady!" She loved doing this with me. She loves talking style with me. Me. The one who throws on whatever and has no fashion sense to save my life. She tells me what this shirt is good for. And this sparkly skirt is so "pretty". So I told her we were going to make sure each shirt she kept had to have matching bottoms. We kept all her pants. Winter is coming and I won't have her shivering because she got rid of the pants to keep the skirts. Which she would do. She wears dresses and skirts every chance she gets. Then I told her to pick 4 skirts and 4 shorts to keep. That should be enough. We matched a shirt to each one she picked and she made a pile of the clothes she no longer wanted. I'm sitting here thinking, "Surely that shirt is her favorite" - Nope! She tossed it out. "Okay, this shirt is a goner" - Nope! She "LOVES" that shirt mommy. Where have I been?! How did I not see this?? 

Then I was hanging the boys' shirts another day. They are both roughly the same size now though they are a year apart. They had over 25 shirts between the two of them! Time to pare down. I told each of them to pick their top favorite 10. No more than 10?! My younger son was freaking out... The shirts they didn't want were the ones I would have kept, while the ones they kept were the ones I thought were worn out. Instead of getting rid of the shirts they tossed out, however, I decided to set them aside in the top of their closet. They come home with holes in their clothes or rips from playing rough and falling down. So when that happens, I'll just swap out a shirt from the reserves. 

It was these most recent things that had me thinking. My kids are changing. And I didn't even notice. Same goes with games and pop culture things. They now love Plants vs Zombies. They talk about it all the time. We don't have those games at my house. So where is this coming from? Oh yeah, ex husband. They play it at his place and are addicted. I asked them why they never play the Lego Dimensions game. Know what they said? "We don't like it as much. Its boring." What?! Since when?? So I'm now packing that game and all its characters up to get rid of. 

When was the last time you noticed what your son or daughter was asking you for Christmas? My daughter likes My Little Pony now. She has moved away from the Minnie Mouse and Disney Princesses. She still likes princess stuff, but if given the choice between that and My Little Pony, she will choose the latter. 

Everyone keeps reminding me that I need to treasure these moments while I have them. One day they will be grown and gone and I will wonder what happened. In the meantime, I also need to pay more attention to what they like and dislike. To what they treasure and are willing to easily give up. Time really does pass us by so quickly. My oldest is turning 9 years old this Wednesday. NINE! Makes me feel so old... He is a gamer, Star Wars fanatic, excellent at spelling tests, and a story teller like no other. I couldn't be more proud of these things. He has his flaws, but he is growing. I can't wait to see what he grows into.

Can We Finally Close This Chapter?

I've been writing multiple posts about the bully situation my kids are facing at school and on the bus. I have to say, part of me is hopeful... part of me is still simmering. 

So what happened today?

I waited until 9AM this morning for a phone call from the school. The night before, I had decided that by 9, I'd be heading to the school to have an in-person chat with the vice principal. I was done. DONE! I wanted results. I wanted answers. While heading over there, the vice principal actually called me. I told her I was headed her way and would talk to her soon. Must have been a shocker. I can imagine the "Oh no" moment she must have had. But this needed to be settled. So I went in. And the talk we had, while friendly and professional, was most definitely laced with your classic customer service rhetoric. I should know. I worked retail for too many years. 

Basically, I learned that the lead bully, the little girl I mentioned before, was still pouncing on my children on the school grounds. She was being "sneaky" about it according the vice principal. And even this morning, she had been called to the office for her misconduct. Suffice it to say, she is a known deviant that they have had to deal with quite a bit. So it was no surprise that the information I laid out led the vice principal to admit that she too thought the little girl was a ring leader for the bully team. She was instigating the problem. 

In addition, while the buses have cameras on them, they are not all strategically placed. Some are on the front, some are in the backs above the doors, and some are in the middle and often obscured. What good does it do anyone if the cameras are not in a prime position?! Likewise, the vice principal does not have immediate access to the footage they record. Why it is her job, but she can't get the footage without going through a process, leaves me baffled. She has to contact the technology department of the transportation department to review and pull necessary footage and they have to then send her a copy of it. This is antiquated technology! It defeats the purpose of a speedy matter. While waiting for that, she has to make decisions that are required immediately. It's a sad thought. These kids are not all from the same class, same grade, same neighborhood. My son didn't even know his attackers name until I got on the bus after school yesterday and threatened every one of those kids to leave my kids alone! Yes, I told the vice principal that I did that. You know what response I got? A "Good for you!" *insert shocked look here* Wait, you are glad I got on that bus, confronted all those kids, and scared the pants off the boy who hurt my son?! Yes, yes she was. Why? According to her, those kids turn into animals when they get on the bus going home.And there is no one to stop them. 

So what came to be the conclusions of our discussions? Well, for starters, the little girl will now be restricted to the seat directly behind the bus driver. She will be forbidden to threaten, touch or otherwise have ill-conceived dealings with any other student, but especially my own. Her parents were to receive a phone call and a warning. If anything else happens involving her, she will be expelled for a time from using the bus at all. The boy who attacked my son, would be given a stern talking to and a warning since this was his first offense. His parents would also receive a phone call of his actions and the disciplinary actions taken. 

Hopefully that will clear up the bullying problems and all the kids can now rest a little easier when they board that bus to come home. I, however, still have a job to do. According the vice principal, she has been pushing the superintendents office to have an adult stationed on the buses to monitor and control the kids. The morning ride, they are docile creatures as they have not fully awakened or for most, even eaten yet. So that is typically not when an extra adult would be needed. But that ride home... that is when they are excited. They are awake. They go crazy. After all, they have been given freedom! They are going home. Time to play and be loose, right? Wrong. They are still under school supervision. There are no restraints. No seat belts. So what are they doing, besides picking on each other? How about jumping across the seats? How about throwing things? How about running up and down the aisle? And you cannot expect the bus driver to control them. They need to be focused on the street they are traversing. I'd rather they don't take their eyes from in front of them. Especially when we have drivers like this one in our own city! 

So why don't we have that extra adult supervising their trip home? The funding was cut. And until parents band together and demand it be reinstated, they see no need for it. Not until someone is seriously injured and sues the school... Which will happen eventually if those kids aren't controlled. 

So my task this weekend is to put together a petition. I plan to pass it around. To rally parents to this cause. We need safety that can only be afforded by someone keeping a watchful eye. Someone to keep dangerous acts from taking place. I understand that schools are strapped. But I can think of some things they don't need that could go to make money for what is truly needed. Especially for a school that has a serious bully issue running rampant. 

My plea to all of you parents out there is this, don't sit idly by. Know what is happening. I'm not saying you have to attend all the events or be a part of the PTA. I won't even go that far. But truly take the time to talk to and listen to your child. Know what they are facing. And make sure they are not afraid to speak out against the one who might be harming them. I will never forget the fear that the little boy had in his eyes when he tried to tell me he was fine after being in a choke-hold. Fear of the bully or fear of speaking up and not knowing what would happen. We tell our kids not to be tattle-tales, but do they know the difference between speaking up and tattling? We need to make sure they know.