Don't we all love being Mother's?!

Mother's Day is almost upon us. It is that one day every year that is dedicated to showing our love and affection for our moms. Typical ways we do so? Take them to dinner, buy them gifts, send them a card. 

Once a year isn't nearly enough to pour out our love and show them how much we appreciate them. How we are thankful for all they have done. I mean think about it...
We spend 9-10 months growing them and losing our shape. We take anywhere from 6 hours to several days in labor. Then the next 18 years are to grow them into adults. Or just keep them alive. That is a full time job in itself. Because kids are dangerous, little bio-hazard, stunt devils. They collect illnesses like we adults collect comic books or silver grams. They think they can climb walls because Spider-Man does or fly like Super Man. We are constantly chasing them, constantly wiping noses, or admonishing them.  
We wash clothes nearly daily. Dishes multiply almost as soon as you clean the "last" one. Diapers have to be changed. The list goes on. And that's just so they can stay clean and healthy. Then you have things like teaching them to speak. Teaching them manners. Leading them by example to live like upstanding citizens. 

So this Mother's Day, I want you all to take a deep breath and have a moment of peace. Sleep in if you can. Have someone else take care of cooking for a day (if you are able). And remember that someone will one day see everything you are doing and be thankful for it! Hopefully.... 

Happy Mother's Day!

You know you've found your match when...

So my fiance and I are still going through our premarital counseling sessions. We have learned a great deal that brings us closer together. And the last session was probably the best one so far! The first time we went in, the counselor had asked us both to fill out this double-sided page. The first side was attributes we think fit us closest. There were 4 rows. A, B, C, D going from left to right and then words under each row going down. Our task was to pick the word going left to right in each row that fit us best. Then at the bottom of that, we were to tally up how many per row. That would tell us what personality we had the most. Then you flip the paper over and there are 4 boxes. Each box has a list of about 6 things. You have to read each list and number them 1-4 with 1 being the set of characteristics you find most needed and 4 being the least. This is all from the CORE MAP evaluation.
My fiance did his, I did mine. And on our latest visit, we finally reached the point of discussing our personality styles. Our results as to our own individual character traits, were nearly identical. Our needs were identical. The counselor was so surprised by these results. In his 10 years of being a marriage counselor, he has only had 2 couples (one being us) to have such results. And due to the  nature of our relationship, he was able to verify that my second chance brought me to better choices with my partner. You see, my first husband was the exact opposite of me in character. And as they say, opposites attract. But as the counselor pointed out, they are attractive in the beginning because  they are everything we may wish to be.

I can say from experience, this is true. It doesn't mean that opposites can't work out. He and his wife are total opposites. They key lies in understanding those differences and how to mesh them together. The same goes for your needs. You have to understand each others needs. And follow up that line of thinking with their values. Seeing that my needs in a relationship matched his to a T made me happy. We both follow in the same lines. As for our personalities, there are 4 types; Commander, Organizer, Relater, Entertainer = CORE.

I am an Organizer/Commander. Though my Commander personality is probably tied to the way I've lived all my life. I've always had a reason to be the one to step up and take charge. I've always had to look out for someone. But I'm crazy about being organized. These personality traits are also divided by the sides of the brain they reside in. Organizers are introverted. Commanders are extroverted. When I need to take charge or be included in a team effort, I can portray my extroverted self. But I'm more comfortable being shy and hidden as an introvert. My fiance is more of the Relater. He seeks peace and harmony with all involved. Being the man of the house, however, he knows he has to take charge and lead with authority. But even in doing so, he also accepts that there are things I'm more qualified to take over on. I'll just be sure to run it by him and accept that his decision is the final word.
Through these lessons, we are learning where boundaries lie. Where our strengths as a couple reside, as well as where we need to work to be better. For as the Bible says, when two get married, they leave father and mother and become one together. This is what we are striving towards.

Mother's Day is on its way!

I don't have much money these days, so I am trying my hand at making gifts for the Nana's and Nona in our lives. Gotta admit, I'm no good at crafting. If it weren't for the fact that these are done mostly by the kids, I'd have thrown them away instead of trying to wrap them up for the recipients... Well, that and I don't know what else to do.

I got out the left over modge podge from creating the galaxy jars. Then I got some glitter. These packs are actually meant for nail art, but hey, glitter is glitter right? And then boom! We have craft and messy time.



What are you doing for Mother's Day? What special plans do you have? What gift ideas did you plan on for this year?

Prosper and live long, you must!

See what I did there? If you didn't, that's okay. Not everyone speaks geek. 

Star Wars Day is on May 4th. Its May the Fourth (be with you), actually. My family had a little help from my dear friend Mary in preparing for this day! She brought over some Lego Star Wars Yoda ear hats. During a moment of bonding with my future nerdlings, we decided to take pictures and be our silly selves together. I also determined it was time for a new couple selfie with my fiance.

While doing so, I noticed that he was wearing his Star Trek shirt (one of them). While I'm wearing my Star Wars shirt (my only one). So when he went to take my picture with the kids, I went ahead and did the Vulcan hand sign we know so well from our beloved Spock. All the while, telling my Trekkie husband-to-be, "Prosper and live long, you must!"

His smile, combined with the laughter of my children, made my afternoon perfect.

Moments like these erase all the worry and fears of life. They are the mountain tops in the path of my life's walk. Tomorrow, I might find myself in a valley once again. And I will look back at this brief glimpse of beauty that will drive me to push harder towards the next wonderful memory. 

Chin up, Moms! This is what true happiness looks like. 

Happy Star Wars Day!

Living better, inside and out

We are still attending our pre-marital counseling. I'm really glad that we were required to do this. I can't tell you how much it has helped while going through the problems of life. You can love someone and respect them. You can be willing to share your life with that person. Then something happens and you are tested. And that's been me. So much has happened this year. I think January might be the only month that has gone well for us so far, with the exception of illness that seemed like it would not end. Every month after that has had some kind of heartache. Some kind of problem. And boy, do I not respond so well to some kinds of stress. I shut down. I clam up. And I wish to be left utterly alone in the darkness. All because I feel as though sharing would be a burden.
Through our sessions with the counselor, we have learned what each others' love languages are. We know how to respond to each other and to make listening our priority. Have you ever been told that you can listen and not hear what is truly being said? How many times do you find yourself doing just that? My fiancé is amazing. But he came to realize that though he knew what he was talking about in response to the stress in my life, he wasn't truly hearing what I was saying. He wasn't understanding the emotions behind the words. And now I'm also learning to understand his emotions.

This is how it works. I say something to him. Something about the things going on in my life. He watches my body language, hears the tone, and then the words. Then he asks if I'm feeling this or that emotion because of blah blah blah that I said.
Me: "I need to lose 30 pounds. I'm getting too fat."
Him: "You feel like you are overweight because you can't fit into your clothes still?"
Me: "Yes!"

He pieces together the other things I have said with what I just said. So now I know he is listening AND understanding. And now I'm learning to return such a behavior. He isn't giving me anymore of that, "You are beautiful no matter what," crap that I hate hearing. Its true for him. He will love me no matter what happens and what I look like. I, however, will not. I will dread looking into the mirror. And looking in my closet will be depressing.

In addition to this, we have made a pledge to each other, and have our counselor backing us up by keeping us accountable, in working out. He recommended the book, Body for Life. We each wrote down why we are working towards this goal. My reasons aren't superficial. I don't want to look like a supermodel. I have a Mom's bod. And that is okay. But I also carry genes for hereditary heart disease, obesity, high blood pressure. I could go on. Women in my family have shown difficulty keeping their weight at a managed point. They struggle with weight loss. And death by heart failure is pretty common on my Mom's side of the family. So yes, getting fit and eating healthy has always been a goal. But lately, more so. Now I have the added stress of not being able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothing. Do you know how frustrating it is to have 1 pair of jeans, 2 skirts and a handful of black tee shirts that fit? I'm wearing them over and over again. I'm washing those same handful of things every few days. Because I can't fit anything else! And because I can't afford to buy new clothes. I want to be able to wear my skinny clothes again. I want to stay healthy. And I want to see my kids grow up. I'm nearly 30 years old. My body is slowing down. I don't burn that weight off like I did in my childhood or teens. I don't work off those extra calories as fast as I ingest them. So we made an agreement together. We are working out. 3 days a week, we do cardio. 3 days a week, we do weight training. And Sundays we rest. I'm also starting to look for healthier meal ideas.

But above all, we are also working out in the word of God. We want to be fit in our physical forms, but also in our spiritual walk. Our relationship is steadily growing in so many facets. I love it! Despite what life has been tossing at us, we are standing together, stronger than ever. Even with the most recent news that hit us like a brick wall, we are ready to stand together in the face of life and steel ourselves for the force it throws at us. We will endure. No matter what. And not just as a couple. We are also pouring in the effort of teaching our children God's word and Christian values. It is not easy, but it shows others when they are away from home that they are loved and respectful. That they have values. Little by little, our family is becoming stronger. Inside and out.

A failing system leads to devastation

We all know that the government and most of the current systems they have in place are no longer functional. There are guidelines meant to blanket everyone that do not have provisions for those in special circumstances. Take for instance, unemployment.

Unemployment is meant to help you get back on your feet after being let go from a job, usually through no fault of your own. A company will pay you a percentage of what they did before until you get another job. This is done through a government-run agency, however, so there are rules to get these benefits. These rules are created in the hopes that people won’t stay lazy and soak up those benefits indefinitely. Good in theory, bad in action. How so? Here is the break down.

You lose your job, you apply for unemployment. If granted, or awarded, those benefits – you will have to do several things to get money and keep getting money. You are required to be 100% available any time of day for any job you are offered. You are required to do a minimum of 5 job search activities per week. You are required to request your payments every two weeks. You are required to register for a Work in Texas (or your state) account and use it to supplement your normal job searches. You are required to attend an unemployment orientation class. You are required to meet with an unemployment agent at Work Force. They will make suggestions on changes to your resume, how to cheat the system on applying for jobs you might not have the skills for, and jobs they think you should look into.

If you don’t maintain your Work in Texas account by checking it at least twice a week, don’t do 5 work activities per week, and turn down a job based on availability… You lose your unemployment benefits. You have to have child care set up already. You have to have reliable transportation at all times. You have to accept any job offered. Don’t aim high. You’re a beggar. Beggars can’t be choosers.

This is the system! So I turned down a job. The job had 3 schedule options. All options would only work if I wasn’t sharing a vehicle with my fiancé. His car was totaled right before I lost my job in March. So my job searches are for the following:

1.       An administrative job. Due to my back issues, I can’t do manual labor jobs.

2.       A schedule ranging through – Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday 8AM-8PM and Tuesdays, Thursdays 8AM-2PM. My fiancé works overnight, so I have to consider his work schedule while we share my van. He’s also in school on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. I would have to be home by 3PM on those afternoons.

3.       I also don’t want to take a job that pays less than $11 an hour. That is how much I get on unemployment. $14 an hour is what I made while working. And that amount covered my bills. The job I was offered was for $8.60 an hour.

So why haven’t they changed things? I mean, look at how many people are unemployed. Can you not see there is something wrong with how it works? More so, how do you expect people to get out of debt and back on their feet?

Simple. The government is run by out of touch, rich people. Their only talents are to point their fingers and pass the blame. Then scratch their heads at why things aren’t getting better. Why the rate is rising and the economy is steadily dropping? How long ago has this department been created? And besides making the length of time longer than one qualifies for it, what other adjustments have been made?

So here is my current dilemma. I can file an appeal and have them go over my information again. But according to them, not having adequate childcare or access to a vehicle is a personal issue. Or I can tell them that my situation has changed and now I am able to have someone watch my kids, making me available at any given time. They will take my next payment that they determined I "owe" and pay me another couple hundred two weeks later. In the meantime, what am I to do? How do I get gas? How do I pay the electric bill? The water? I'm UNEMPLOYED! I have no income. No job. And 4 kids. Where is this working system we so desperately need??

Its like a crack in the windshield. Starts off small and centralized, but slowly spreads to the entire windshield. So starts a faulty system within the whole.
What are your thoughts?

Working as a freelancer

These days, everyone wishes they could have the freedom to work from home. And there are several companies that are hiring remote employees. You go through training, set up your computer and phone, and for the most part, deal with clients in the comfort of your home office. There are some requirements to meet in order for this to work. After all, you are working. You are being paid for your services. You can’t slack off. You can’t have background noises distracting you and those you are on the phone with. You have to be professional. But it comes with a level of flexibility. And freedoms. You save money on gas since you don’t have to drive to work. You save money on meals since you have your own kitchen to use. These are great reasons to want to work from home.  

Since I lost my job, I have been trying to get into working freelance. Editing, proofreading, offering suggestions and even writing. I've done this as a side job here and there for friends as well as for free for even closer friends and family. I take great pride in what I do. The author I have done the most work for lately, turned my eye to fiverr.com. You create a profile, list a gig, and make bids to work for others. This sounds great. In theory. In reality, it can be difficult. For starters, their website works with Firefox best. So don't try to use other platforms (learned the hard way). Secondly, most job requests I have seen are sellers asking for work rather than buyers asking for editors. So the system is clogged with that. Out of 90+ requests, only 3 are actual buyers. And the list of available editors is huge! Far more supply than demand. The next problem you face is the fees. Say I sell something for $5, I get $4. A job I do for $25, I get $20. So discouraging for the ones just starting out. Upwork, bought out from Elance, charges a 20% fee for everything you make.

Not worth it when your starting price is $5. Plus, in order to transfer your earnings to your bank account, PayPal, or a card they provide you have to pay another $1 fee. My wallet feels raped. Then for Upwork, you can go with the free version and have to use a credit system to "buy" jobs. Or you can purchase the upgraded account that allows you more credits so you can "buy" more bids.

There are benefits to websites like these. Even if you consider sacrificing the money you made on a couple transactions. You can build rapport with buyers. Then take your clients outside the website. I had my author friend "purchase" and complete an order for some things I edited for him through the website. This way, he could leave me reviews. Then I can use those reviews as references for other clients. Especially since this friend is International Best Seller, Mark Villareal. It gives me a boost towards what I want to do long term.  

Working from home is noble. And something to strive for. But it isn't as easy as people think. A lot more effort is required to make a living and truly make a name for yourself. You have to truly want it. Which is why I have decided to put more effort into creating a website that is user friendly. That other prospective clients will want to check out. And hopefully, I can start doing more of what I enjoy. At home.