About this time, 17 years ago, I went under the knife for my first spinal fusion. I felt like a huge weight had been put on shoulders. I could move, but it was all stiff. There were nights when my pain was excruciating but I could barely move myself off the couch that had become my bed. Crying myself to sleep, I learned what true pain was. I also learned to manage it. To be stronger. It takes a lot to make me cry these days. Even more to make me turn to pain killers for relief.
My next major life change was the day I become a mother. Since my spine is fused, I can't have an epidural. And considering how small a woman I am... I felt EVERYTHING. But my screams of pain were soon replaced with tears of sheer joy. I couldn't hold my little boy at first since I lost so much blood that I could only lay there shaking. But he was truly the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen. I'd take that pain again any time to relive that moment.