You got your license where?!

As I look at the calendar, I see that a week has passed that I have been married!

How does time pass so quickly without our knowing? It has been a crazy, but very happy week. I have officially sold my motorcycle. It was a sad event, but necessary. God gave me the ability to ride and enjoy it for a time, but He has now decided that I need to give it up. As I’m often reminded, I have 4 kids. I have to stick around to raise them right. And with everyone else being so stupid or reckless on the roads… So yeah.

That brings me to today’s blog post topic. I’m beginning to think that the sad joke about people around here getting their driver’s license from a Cracker Jacks box is actually true! Why, you ask? Because I can’t think of another way that so many idiots could possibly pass the DMV test! I’m starting to think that on their 16^th birthday, Mom and Dad gave them a Cracker Jacks box and the prize inside was a license to operate a motor vehicle in Texas.

The number of people I come across, doing ridiculous things on a daily basis is staggering. Do they not teach you that a turn signal is to let people know that you are turning? That it is also a way to signal that you are attempting to change lanes? And that once you have completed such an action, you are to turn it off?! How about parking? There are lines. And those lines signify a space for one vehicle. Unless you are driving a tank of a truck, a vehicle towing a trailer, or otherwise significantly sized vehicle, you should always be within the lines provided. And if you are afraid you won’t be able to finagle your wide load out the door with someone parked next to you, park in the back half of the lot! I should not come out to find your tire in my spot. I should not have to squeeze myself into 3 inches of a door opening because you needed to leave a foot of space for your driver side. And did you know why people call one lane the “fast” lane while the other is the “slow” lane? Because those of you wanting to do 5-20 MPH UNDER the speed limit are to stay to the right. While those of us doing the actual posted limit or higher, stick to the left. Otherwise, you back up traffic behind you. And don’t you DARE jump into the fast lane when you were previously only doing 20 going up the entrance ramp to the highway in your 10-15 year old clunker. You know, and I know, that your car cannot get up to speed fast enough to handle being in front of me when I was doing 70 for the past how many miles?! So instead, I am forced to hit the brakes and get down to 40 in a hurry. Along with 4 cars behind me. Then you look behind you with half-closed eyes and smile. Don’t drive when you are high, you idiot! You can’t focus and everything slows down, in your reality. Not for the rest of us.

This is why I think people here get their license from somewhere other than a Department of Motor Vehicles. Or as the Texans say, Department of Public Safety. Doesn’t seem to promote much in the ways of safety. I mean, lets face it. They gave my deaf and partially blind ex-husband a license. He has Ushers Syndrome. A degenerative disease that causes full blindness. They told him to get glasses and he would pass. Didn’t check for peripheral or verify that he has night vision (which he has neither). But he has a license. And has wrecked so many cars it scares me.

It would seem this is another failed system. Another way the world is dangerous. Be safe out there! Definitely look twice for my fellow bikers. They are there.

Mr. and Mrs. We now are!

Our wedding went off splendidly. There were occasional hiccups, but they are the kind we can laugh at during and after the fact. Granted, I learned a thing or two. Like test the playlist BEFORE you are preparing to make your walk down the aisle…. But hey! We have something funny to reminisce about later.

The people who came, helped add to the memories that will last a lifetime. And as I go over some of the wedding pictures, I can’t help but smile as I realize that we did it.

I married the love of my life. And we are now moving forward to the next step in our lives. We are now able to make solid plans. To embark on the adventure that will last until the day we die. Nothing is better than that!

So a few things I want to share as advice for other brides. Always check the music before the day of your wedding. I made the mistake of updating the playlist the night before. I had added a second playlist that included the “special” songs. Entry, bridal march, first dance, father/daughter dance, etc. These were separate from the dance floor shuffle list. I wanted to make it easier for those who had to control those moments in the reception. Also, the venue didn’t have a firm handle of their audio equipment. So when it came to turning off the song or switching the song, there was a pause or the volume was way too high. There were also sounds of pulling the AUX cord out or plugging in. Not a pleasant way to flow. We had a good laugh though.

 

Keep it simple. If you are setting up the day of your wedding, do yourself a favor and make sure it is as simple as possible. You want more time to get ready than it takes to put everything out. I made chocolates to set out for the guests. Guess who forgot them in the fridge of our room? Talk about a waste of time, energy, and money.

Don't forget the little things. We forgot pens for the centerpieces and the guest book. We also had to send the guys out for bobby pins and the plastic dishes for left over food.

No matter how well you plan everything out, be prepared to miss something. There were a couple pictures I might have missed. I didn't get to dance much besides the First Dance and Father/Daughter Dance. I did dance with my younger brother who asked me to show him how to slow dance. That was a great moment that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Otherwise, I was too busy talking, taking pictures or dealing with baby. I didn't set aside a moment to dance again with my husband. Although in retrospect, that might have been a blessing to our guests. We are both "White and Nerdy" after all. Dancing is something we enjoy doing behind closed doors, but might look awkward in front of others.  

And lastly, remember that it is your day. No matter what another person says or does. This is the day to focus on the love you have for someone else. I almost lost sight of that the night before the wedding. My best friend, my Mother, and my fiancé all brought that back into perspective for me. Our day was what we wanted it to be.  

I'm ready to go for a drive!

I could totally go on a long road trip with no particular destination in mind. Wedding plans are driving me up the wall about now....
But let's check into reality now! I was sent something from Chatterbox (a division of House Party) to try out and talk about. I love being a part of Chatterbox! I get some pretty cool stuff every once in a while. This time it was a Kleenex go-anywhere pack.

As a mom, having tissues on hand everywhere I go is a must. Between random colds, allergies or when the waterworks start because someone isn't happy, I often have to reach for a tissue fast. Sadly, I  was always having to carry a box of them around. I have a mini van.

That box tended to roll from front to under seats, and sometimes went to the back. It was always a hassle trying to find it.
Enter the go-anywhere pack. It has 30 3-play tissues in it. They are also ultra soft. There are a couple things I love about these. They have a snap strap that can clip anywhere. Around the headrest rod is where I have mine.

They dispense easily from the pack. Just one hand gets what I needed. And finally, it protects my tissues. Keeps them from getting wet or dirty. Not like something dripping or falling into the box. They are slim, so they stay out of the way. 
Now I'm ready for anything the kiddos bring my way. What about you? Summer time is here. Time for those long trips and drives.Walmart has them here. Amazon has them in stock here.

How many days are left?!

Not enough! I'm cracking down to make sure I have each detail just right and complete. I think we did really well with the pillars and flowers.

We had the inspiration from my fiancés grandmother and mothers favorite flowers. So we knew we wanted to try for white roses and, if possible, blue carnations. I saw these at Wal-Mart once and wished I could've found them in fake flowers.

But we went with others to try to match it as best as possible. In the end, it came to be something beautiful and just as well.

I've also been working on the chocolates needed and trying my best to get them just right. 

In the midst of everything, I took Memorial Day to enjoy my family. It is so easy to get caught up in the craziness of planning and details. Especially when you are feeling like it is more of a chore than a joy. I took a step back to connect with my kiddos.

We talked about what Memorial Day is for. Why we celebrate it. My darling husband-to-be even grilled dinner.

We topped off the night with s'mores!

We made our funny faces, told goofy jokes, and added to the happy memories that will go on for the rest of our lives. I needed to remind myself that there is more than just working towards this Saturday. We have a life going on in between.

My final week of being engaged!

Less than 7 days left until the wedding. My dashing fiancé is decked out to be Captain Terrell. He will not be shaving his head as he fears it will not grow back. So a slight modification to Picard. But isn't that what great cosplayers do?

I'm excited to announce that mine is also complete!

And I feel ready to walk that aisle in it. Denise did a beautiful job. She put in so much hard work to create my dream dress. I know she had her hesitations about her ability to get it just right. But as the saying goes, we are our own worst critic. She hand sewed some of it, and got it perfected to fit me just right despite my flat-chested problems. You see, patterns don't account for lack of boobs.

A woman who wears a large should have ample chest. Wrong! So she had quite the time adjusting the dress repeatedly to lay right up top. I'm feeling so loved and fortunate to have had her making such a stunning dress for me.

My daughter has her dress embellished as well thanks to her Granna's design assistance. My boys are going to be storm troopers and my baby will be in her Trekkie dress.

I also completed the flower arrangements that will rest on the pillars my fiancé made.

Today, we worked on getting them painted. Tomorrow I have to do the final coat.

They look like the Twin Towers right now...

The vases were interesting. Who knew that painting glass bowl vases was such a difficult task?!

My dad texted me too. I can’t tell you how much I look forward to seeing him and the family. I do miss them, being so far away.

And thanks to my best friend, Gwen, I have amazing and unique gifts for the mothers and bridesmaids! She went out of her way to make it special.

Next week, I’ll begin the process of making the chocolates for the cake decorations and favors. We picked up some cute bags that will placed at some of the seats.

And lastly, I have to create my bouquet. Its going to be attached to a light saber hilt... if all goes well!

Time is picking up momentum. Soon, we will be standing at the alter leading to a great, adventurous future. I’m excited!

A Decision Not Made Lightly

I have been happily divorced for quite some time now. For about 7 ½ years, I battled depression during the physical, mental and verbal abuse that was directed towards myself and my children. I hated waking up. I hated being home. I hated myself. I wanted to spend every moment I could away from him. Even if it meant working long shifts. Even if I wasn’t with my children. I told myself it was better if I wasn’t with them, because while he was there, the volcano was inching closer to exploding. He had a way with getting under my skin. Still does. He makes snide remarks. He comments on things that he has no right to. All the while, trying to offer “advice” or be “helpful”. I have flashbacks of the time he called my mother fat while saying if she wasn’t she could do more and look better. Or the time he said that my parents had too many kids and because of that, they couldn’t have a “fun” life. Its offensive, but we shrugged it off and told him it was wrong to make such statements. After all, he is deaf. He didn’t have someone teaching him manners, tact or social etiquette because no one in his family truly knew Sign Language. How can you hold someone accountable for their actions when they were never taught?

Well, now we are in a new arena. This time, it involves proper care and protection of children. My children. This Friday, his weekend of visitation starts. I dread each time I have to send them to him. I worry the whole time they are gone. Will they come back? Will they be safe? Will he feed them? Will someone kidnap them when he’s not watching? Will he be inappropriate towards my 4 year old daughter? Why do these questions plague my mind? Simple. These are things that I have heard from my kids after being with him. I have video recordings of them telling me about their weekend upon returning to me.

My ex-husband is deaf with no peripheral vision and no night vision. Yet, the state of Texas has given him a license with no more restrictions than he wear normal glasses. Since getting his license, he has wrecked every vehicle he has driven, starting with my van. He even rolled his big truck after falling asleep at the wheel and within about 4-5 hours, they gave him a new one. Tell me where that makes sense. So the worry that he will crash with my kids on board makes me very nervous. He has recently downsized from the big Tundra to a Rav4 SUV. And last time we picked up the kids, we noticed that he had wrecked it. Still has the paper tags! Front and back fenders are both damaged.  

He doesn’t wake up to feed them until he’s good and ready. They complain about starving all morning because he ignores them when they try to wake him up. And when he does feed them, it’s usually an array of junk foods. Last time we picked them up, he told me he can’t afford groceries. He uses a credit card to pay for food. How is that possible when he’s not being forced to make his child support payments? He defrauded the IRS starting in 2014. He defrauded Disability starting in August of 2016. So he owes thousands of dollars to each of them. He got a fancy apartment with a nice garage because, as he told a mutual friend, “my truck is important and needs to be protected”. Great priorities when picking a place to live and have your kids over. When the kids are with him, they sleep in his living room. Boys on the floor, Ana with him on the couch. His only bedroom is used for his great Lego hobby. And then there was the time my daughter came home and told me, “Daddy got in the shower with me. I told him not to, but he didn’t listen.” As a mother, you can imagine where my thoughts went. Especially since I knew what he was capable of. After all, she came from the night he didn’t take no for an answer. She says nothing happened, he says she wanted him there. I try to think of it as a misunderstanding on his part.

He had bought season passes to 6 Flags before finding out he owed so much to so many. And since he feels it would be a waste not to use them, he takes the kids when he has them. Great, except for not having money for food and drinks. Much fun to be had even if he leaves the kids unattended while he rides the coasters they are scared of, right? Or he takes the oldest, at 8, and leaves the 4 year old with her 7 year old brother. What could possibly go wrong? Or how about letting them ride alone together and not meeting them where the ride ended? My daughter got hit in the head and was crying while her oldest brother was freaking out and running to find their dad. But all good, as “nothing bad happen”. That is the response I keep getting from him when I confront him about these things. Even after I point out the dangers. Even after I tell him what this means legally. Nope. Doesn’t matter. I’m just an overprotective, paranoid, crazy ex-wife who ruined his life. He tells the kids that it is my fault we are not a family anymore. And sends me a text of a picture that my daughter drew of the family where daddy and I are together again. My children know that will never happen.

So I stepped up. I won’t put him down. I won’t call him names. I won’t point out his flaws to the kids. I will not be that negative influence that paints a horrible picture of the sperm donor they know as their dad. He is doing that well enough on his own. My oldest son has made it clear that he only goes over there because he wants to play video games and because its his only chance to see his dads side of the family. My middle son has asked if he can stop going over there. I try to avoid that question. My daughter says she goes because he treats her like his favorite and she gets whatever she wants. What am I to do?

I tried talking to him. I tried getting his family to talk to him. I tried reporting him to Child Protective Services. None of those worked. CPS actually mailed me a letter saying that they didn’t think it was worth investigating. So I have now decided that I will fight for full custody. I won’t take any more of this. No more waiting for a phone call that something bad happened. Dreading the day they won’t return. I’m going to fight for them. It was a huge decision. One I kept shoving aside. My emotions were all over the place. My fiancé has told me that God is in control no matter what happens. And I believe him to be right. As a Christian, I know that I have to trust that God is protecting them and that anything that happens is a part of His will. As a mother, I struggle. I am gasping for air. I am swimming against the tide. I’m drowning in the fear of what could happen. All because my attempts to educate him have failed. As my Mother pointed out, how can he know right from wrong when he was never taught to be a parent? In response, who will teach him when he doesn’t want to listen to me?

We are down to the wire now!

We are now less than 2 weeks away from the wedding day! Only 10 days to be exact. This past weekend, we went to visit my in laws. While there, I tried on my dress for the last time.

My fiancés grandmother has done a marvelous job with it! I also bought shoes to wear.

We picked up my fiancés suit. He is truly ready to deck out like Captain Picard now.

My mother-in-law made this sign for the minister to hold up after our ceremony.

This is what happens when two nerds are joined.

We discussed hair strategy.

I know what I wish my hair looked like, but I also know how stubborn my hair can be. So we are prepared. I’m going to be practicing this week to get the curls in the right order.

I am also doing this to save time on the big day. I still have favors to lay out, changing time, and last minute details to see to. This is what happens when you are on a budget. But I prefer it this way. I’m not like other brides. I don’t have the bridezilla mode. I don’t freak out over every little detail. I go with the flow and make adjustments as needed. I don’t want those assisting me to get overwhelmed or feel ready to walk away. I don’t want my guests to feel like everything is timed and choreographed throughout the day. My day, is your day. Our day to have fun and celebrate. I think too often, couples forget what is really important. Pictures are there to remind us of the details. But the moments themselves will be in our memories through the ages. A lavish ceremony followed by a grand reception? You can spend all the money in the world on those things, but what comes later? Or be smart about it. Have something simpler and follow it with the fun times you spend with the ones you love, making memories. This is our goal. We have all our lives to live after this one day. Even if we had more to spend, we wouldn’t. We are putting towards what happens next.