The Struggles Are Real

It is hard to feel sympathetic towards others in pain when you, yourself are suffering. Especially on a daily basis. I do feel bad for those with pain. For those with deformed spines particularly. I can have a real sympathy for them.

I know only too well the hardships they face doing the simple things in life. Everyday is a process. Pushing myself to keep going. Striving to get things done. Pregnancy made things so much harder, both during and then after. I've sought help from several doctors over the past several years. More than once, I've heard words that essentially meant, "I can't help you." One doctor even told me, "You are a strong woman. Learn to live with it." I still have a double curve. My arthritis has spread throughout my body. In some ways, my research has made me more of an expert than most of the real 'experts'. A disc slipped. Crushed the nerve under it. Then I found out I had Degenerative Disc Disease. 

 Degenerative discs are when the discs in the spine are under pressure and begin to "dissolve". I know it runs in the family as my aunt had to have a rod put in to support her lower spine. I had one doctor suggesting we should do laser surgery to remove whatever was causing the pinching of the nerves. If that hadn't worked, he wanted to just insert rods again.  

We never got there there. I had my baby, life moved on. And so did we. Went to a new town. My neck lost its natural curve, causing migraines and headaches. New doctors said I was beyond help by them and the scientific knowledge and equipment they had access to.

Back when searching for answers was important to me, I was really feeling like a walking disaster. I had depleted my PTO at work. Between child care, vehicle issues, pain and inability to walk... I felt like a lost cause most days. 
I got so tired of the life that meant telling my kids, "Mommy can't right now." I'm still not wanting to socialize because I don't like those pitying looks or "poor you" comments. I'm tired of seeking answers and coming to dead ends. Of wanting relief and finding only more pain.

I have learned of all kinds of pain relief methods. Some that work for me. Some that don't. But it gives me options to suggest to others who are in a similar situation as I am. 

Epsom salt baths

Heating pad and ice pack revolutions

Over the counter medicine is round the clock on my hardest days, but I've been warned about liver and kidney damage. 

Stretch and walk as often as I can. 

Through everything, pain persists. Sleeping, sitting, walking, reclining - sometimes it just doesn't matter what I do. However, I can proudly say, I'm surviving through it. I'm living life as best I can. Day by day. 

For all of you out there who have back problems - I feel your pain. I understand every ache. I know what you go through daily. It may never get easier unless you take drugs or have surgery. No, it will most likely get worse. Every day it gets harder to roll off the bed. To stand and wash those dishes. To lift that bag of groceries. To sit at a computer for 8 hours. To smile at those you pass while pretending you are okay. But we can't stop. As much as I want to give up or as often as I question, "Why me?" I have to remember that I'm needed no matter what. I have to keep trying and be patient. As my husband often reminds me, we have to wait on God and His timing. It's hard. Very, very hard. I'm usually very patient. More so than most. But I do struggle daily.
Keep on trying. Don't give up. Answers will come. Whether they are what what you want to hear.... that remains to be seen. But don't give up.