Getting back in the groove...
My laziness in home life responsibilities has been showing lately. Home schooling while also working a full time job had become overwhelming to the point I wanted to just call it all quits and put them in school. My husband, who wasn't being supportive, was all for it. After all, he didn't want to take time out from what he does to help with what he deemed my responsibility. It made for quite a frustrating month.
It came to a breaking point this past week. The conversation of divorce even entered the arena. Stress levels and migraines went through the roof as I tried to make sense of it all. I desperately grasped for moments of calm in the sea of chaos. Where did I go wrong? How do I get my feet back on solid ground? It didn't help to have someone accusing me of being all the things I strive to NOT be. Insult upon injury.
I can't say my husband and I are getting better. But I do know I'm determined to fix my mothering issues. I've buckled down on being on a daily schedule. It's helped me catch up on what I've fallen behind in. They are enjoying the school work a little more so it's not a chore.
I've noticed that the stress and lack of enthusiasm (depression if you will) has caused the pounds to once again pile on. Normally I'd consider it a blessing. I've gone down two pants sizes in the past three months. But considering my only workouts are those at work or cleaning at home, the excess is gathering in the middle. At work it's all weight lifting and walking. Carrying those 50 pound bags of dog food or hauling 20 pound boxes up ten foot ladders. The upper body strength is great. It's one of the things I said I'd work on this year anyhow. But it's not trimming the stomach which is building a gut. I've also gotten to where I eat simply because I'm depressed and not because I'm hungry. The things I eat aren't part of the healthy spectrum. So I'm getting back to disciplining my health. I need to set a better example for those looking up to me.
I can't guarantee roses and sun shine every day. The daily grind and constant battles that I feel I must fight alone, often threaten to drag me down. I get my happiest moments from my children.
Remember this saying: "This too shall pass." No matter what it is, good or bad, it has it's limits and won't stick around forever.
"The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly."
F. Scott Fitzgerald