Always Being Thankful

Being thankful isn't easy. Especially in a first world country where everything is about being easy, being convenient, and being our way. We don't want to slow down for others. We might not remember our manners. We expect to get what we are given. We think we are deserving of it. Until things go wrong. 

The only time we make a big deal of being thankful, seems to be on Thanksgiving Day. Why is this? Why do we hold our thanks until November of every year? Do we forget that we have so much to be thankful for the rest of the year? I think I do at times. I forget, especially when things start going downhill. And I need reminders. 

So what am I thankful for? All year around! Not just this month. Here is my list. 

1. My family. My husband and 4 children mean everything to me. They are the reason I get up every morning (even when I don't feel ready to). They put a smile on my face. They help me to see things differently. And my husband is the most amazing man ever. His love is unconditional and unexpected in so many ways. 
   
2. My other family. I have blood relatives, relatives by marriage and relatives that I have adopted as family because we just do. My parents, siblings, and Nana S are important to me. They are the people who know me best. My husbands family has also become as close as the family I was born into. They are kind and giving and always there. 
3. My friends. I don't have to be close and know every detail of every part of their life, but when we need each other, we are there for each other. My friends know, or should know, that if ever they had a need - I am here to help in whatever way I can. 
4. Having a home. I rent. Its small. I can't truly decorate it to be me. And since the developers cut so many corners, we have a lot of issues. But I can afford it. Its in a decent neighborhood. My kids go to a school that is nice and is only 5 minutes from home. I feel safe here. And I'm not sleeping with a knife on the bedside table anymore. 
5. We don't go hungry. I've lived in a hotel before. I've had peanut butter sandwiches or ramen every day. I hope that I never have to go back to that life. And I am thankful we are not in that life now. We might need government assistance, but my kids eat well. And its not the same meal daily. 
6. We have clothes. Decent ones too. Yes, my shoes are slowly growing ventilation shafts in them. No, we don't wear name brands unless someone gave them us. But they are not dirty, have no holes in them, not ripped. We don't look like bums. And that is all that matters to me. 
7. We are healthy. Okay, more so my kids and husband right now, but none of us are dying or needing trips to the hospital. A simple cold or allergies is always better than anything else that they could have. 
8. We have electricity. How often are you glad you have electricity? Do you take it for granted? During hurricane seasons, we never knew when or if the power would go out. A sort of panic comes over people when they find that the lights won't come on. How about having heat in the winter and cold air in the summer? Do you ever think about how fortunate we are to have these things? 
9. Clean drinking water. I can drink water straight from the sink or from a water bottle any time I feel like it. It is at my fingertips. Not everyone in the world has that luxury. Yes, it can be a luxury. 
10. My own vehicle. It can be a piece of crap sometimes. It has a cracked windshield at the moment. Could definitely use a washing... And I'm still making payments on it. But I can take it from point A to point B when I need to. I don't have to memorize bus schedules, walk all the time, or bum rides from others. I have a sense of independence. 
11. Freedom of religion. I might not be as devout as I once was, but I have the right and freedom to read my Bible whenever I choose. No one tells me when to pray. No one tells me what to believe. I can read and follow God myself. 
12. The internet. I will be the first to say how evil it can be. But there are good things about it too. And even more so when it is right at my fingertips. I can look up things I have questions about. I can find recipes when meals are stale in the house. Gift ideas are abundant when my creative juices are not flowing freely. I can keep up with family and friends whenever and quickly. 
13. Netflix. No matter how many movies I have physically, sometimes I need a break to find something new. Even when I can't afford to buy or rent something. Netflix is overflowing with things to watch. Especially when I can't sleep at 2, 3 or 4 AM... 
14. My ability to read. In this digital age, we often keep it simple. We go for memes and pictures. We watch videos. But do you know how privileged we are to be able to read? Be it an email, article, or even an online book. Heck, be old school and read a real book with a cover and paper pages for a change! And be thankful that you learned how to read. Reading takes me to other places. It lets me escape. Or gives me useful information on the past, current and future happenings. 
     
    What are you thankful for? Did I miss something else on my list? Tell me in the comments below!

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Being a Charity Case

Have you ever felt like you were just a charity case in the eyes of others? Like you haven't done enough for yourself, so others are having to pick up your slack? I know I have. More often than I care to think about. Every time, I feel grateful, but also ashamed. I was raised and surrounded by people who gave. I'm happiest when I'm doing for and giving to others. Sure, on my birthday or Christmas I can enjoy a gift without the guilt. But on other occasions... Not so much. 

This past week, I received more than one call from my kids' school. The first time, I was informed that all three of my children in school were nominated by their teachers for a charity program that gets the kids clothes, shoes, toys and/or games. Before I say anything else, know that my kids are not wanting when it comes to clothes. I don't let them keep clothes that are ripped, shredding, or otherwise defected. They get clothes from both of their grandmothers. I actually had to thin out my daughters drawers and closet. She had more than I do. 

Then I get a call asking if we need a turkey dinner donation. We were chosen to get a box of food. I appreciated the offer, but we are not starving. Yes, we get assistance to get food every month from our government. Again, I'm not proud of this. But it keeps us going until we can get back on our feet. I told them to give it to another family who needs it more. 

Finally, I get a call about shoes. My youngest son tore up his latest pair of shoes. This is not the first time I've heard about his shoes from the school. Sadly, I think this will be a constant thing. I don't know how he does it. His last pair, I had to hot glue back together. The Velcro fell apart. I patched it as best I could and told him I would get him a new pair soon. Right after this, maybe a week later, I get a box from my mother. She had sent a pair of shoes that were nearly new. They were my oldest sons size. So I gave him those and gave his old shoes to the younger son. It was perfect timing. My older son was beginning to complain that his shoes were tight. And I was thanking God for once again watching out for us. My mother didn't know we needed those shoes. But within a week or so, my younger son had torn up those shoes too. The soles were coming off. Almost completely. This time, hot glue wasn't working. So my husband pulled out duct tape.

When you have nothing else, you bite back the shame and do what you must. The counselor has my boys in a weekly lunch meeting program they are running to talk to kids on a more personal level. They noticed the shoes and asked if they could give him another pair. Inside, I was screaming, NO! But outwardly, I said yes and that I was very thankful for their assistance. Again, God is providing where I failed.

One son is getting a new backpack as a Christmas gift from a friend. His is threadbare with holes forming. I'm one of those parents who can't donate to every fundraiser, event, and party they have. You know how mad I get when my kids tell me that their teachers said if everyone doesn't participate, they don't get the special rewards every other class will get? I pay more to be in a better area, with a better school. But the trade off is, I can't have my kids participating in everything else. I also would not be surprised if my older son told his teacher that "Mommy is broke all the time." I don't lie to my kids. I don't have money to toss around. I'm careful with my spending more now than ever before. We are a single income family. I have money to pay the monthly bills, nothing more. We can't go out to eat. I can't afford those new toys. We can't go to theme parks. Movies are expensive. They ask, I say no. They ask why, I tell them the truth. I'm broke. I pay for necessities. I keep them taken care. Then I get the other question. How come daddy can do all those things? My oldest three came from a previous marriage. One that I am more than happy is over. My ex blows money to make them believe he is the cool parent. He gets them only 2 weekends a month. And every time, they get to do and have things that we can't do here at home. Talk about testing my patience... I can't bash their father to them. I won't. I have to be tactful with how I answer. I tell them that he has more money than I do, because he doesn't have children living with him. He doesn't have a family anymore. I do. I tell them that he also cheats his debts. He doesn't pay everything he is supposed to like we do. Being responsible hurts. It is a hard path to walk. 

Then comes the biggest charity point in my life right now. Because of my back issues, I'm very often in pain. So much so, that my children have begun to notice and ask questions. I can't hide it all the time. "Why can't you run anymore?" "What's wrong with you, Mom?" "Why do you hurt all the time?" So we talk about it. I tell them that Mommy is broken. My body doesn't work like it should. That I need a doctor to fix me. My oldest then asks when I'm going to the doctor. I'm not. Why not? I can't afford to. It is more important to me to pay the bills and keep them taken care of than to fix my physical brokenness. What does my oldest say? "Take my money, Mom. Use it to pay for surgery." 

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I can't do that. I won't do that. I love my children. They have inherited my curse. They love to give. Instead, my husband has been saying that we have to wait on the Lord and see where His will leads us. At first, I felt like I wasn't being led anywhere. Then I started getting a nagging thought. Ever heard of GoFundMe? You start up a fundraiser and strangers help your cause by donating. I had started one a while back when I wanted to fight for full custody of my three older children. Then the lawyers told me it was hopeless case unless something drastic happens to the kids at the hands of their father. Just the way the laws work here, protecting the wrong people. So I refunded everyone and decided to wipe my hands of the website. I told my husband that I couldn't get rid of the thought though. And he admitted that it sounded like we should think twice about it. Then, something happened that made him say we should do it. I've been having lightheadedness and dizziness daily. I turned my head to give him a kiss and got a charlie horse-like sensation in my neck that scared us both. It hurt so bad. I had a headache and tense feeling in my neck afterwards. I was begging for it to stop. These things are getting worse. The pain has always been there. But I can't always ignore it anymore. I pop Tylenol nearly daily. Might as well be candy at this point. I don't sleep. Not well, at least. When I try to do things like jog, I feel as though my legs are bruised. Not sore. Bruised. I can't live with it like this anymore. So we started a GoFundMe. And we agreed, if I get donations to it, I'm going to see a doctor. It will be out of pocket costs, since I have no insurance. But I'm going to get answers. I'm going to find out what it will take to get back to some state of normalcy. To where I don't have to rely on charity anymore.

Why? Why am I having all this to deal with? Why am I having to be treated like everyone's charity case? My husband reminds me that we all have to be humbled at times. That we can't always stand proud. He tells his Southern wife these things... HA! Boy, do I have a lot to learn then. It's going to be a long, hard road for me. For my family. And I don't want to walk it. But I won't let this body keep me back anymore. I'm going to push harder. Fight back. I know what kind of wife and mother I want to be. And somehow, I will be that woman again. I want to be an active part in this family's life. For a long time.

This First Year!

Time certainly flies by. Especially when you have children. You lose track of the hours every day. Then your days go by and you question what you have done all week. Suddenly, a month has passed by, followed by another. And here I am, facing a whole year. You see, my youngest daughter is turning a year on the 19th of this month. Almost a year ago, I was in labor. Thinking I could not do it. Thinking I would fail during childbirth. My husband was my stronghold. He kept telling me how great I was doing. How I was doing it. Just hold a little longer. Childbirth is excruciatingly painful. I went into labor naturally, the night before I was scheduled to be induced anyhow. But, my little bugger still didn't want to come out on her own. It was as though she was putting her arms and legs out to the sides to hold herself in. No matter how hard or long I pushed. No matter how much they upped the dosage of the medicine meant to evict her, she was not coming out. 

Part of me panicked. I had three older children. And I wondered if I could do this. Four kids is a lot these days. I mean, I'm the oldest of 10, but it was different growing up that way. I wasn't the one raising them. I have had a lot of love and support to help though. Family and friends both have been there for us. And here we are, celebrating all those times past. 

She doesn't walk, but she doesn't let that slow her down. She can crawl, pull up and climb stairs. She climbs into my cabinets (after removing their contents). She dances when she hears music that she likes. She loves to get into anything and everything, so we have to take away and hide it all. Thanks to her, I have cleared some of the clutter zones. I had no choice. She loves all things tech-related. Controllers, remotes, phones, computers, TVs, tablets... all of it! Which is great. Her dad is an engineering student. Computers and electronics are his area of expertise. My future nerd might become an engineer after daddy's own heart. 

I might be a stay at home mom, but I am by no means lazy. I do occasional work as an Editor and typist on the side. TV binge watching or being idle don't happen unless I'm too sick, tired or in pain to move. My days are rarely spent on the couch. I have too much else to do. And most of it involves her. 

This week, my Monday was drastically bringing me down. Mondays are a busy day for me. I barely keep up with my days, but Mondays I know what I have laid out for me. I start with laundry. I clean the kitchen (if its not already done). I vacuum if needed, upstairs and down. I catch up with comments on the blog. I decide on what new posts I need to get done during the week. All this, while balancing a very active little girl. She goes where she can, gets into whatever she can reach, and has moments of Mommy Envy. Those moments are when she wants to be held and see what I am doing. I normally keep up with these things without losing my mind. I'll be tired by 5, but its a job I'm equipped for. This past Monday, however, was a little more stressful. She was sick. Stuffy, runny nose, congestion - just plain miserable. Top that with me starting my period for the month... My head hurt. My back hurt. And I was tired before I rolled out of bed. I didn't feel like doing anything. And then, there was the response I was getting from posting a GoFundMe campaign. My husband and I had talked about it. And we figured we had nothing left to lose, so why not try? But then some questions came my way. Some thoughts were tossed into my mind. And, I doubted. As my husband pointed out, I feel wrong taking because I'm a Giver. Its my "gift" (spiritual, for those who know them). I feel worthless, pathetic, lost even, when I'm having to ask for assistance instead of give it. It just isn't me. So I bombarded him with my concerns. I told him the thoughts that were tearing me apart. As usual, he had the answers that I needed to hear. The words that reassured me that I was not anywhere near what I thought of myself at that moment. And he came home with something special to remind me that he still thought I deserved and was better. 

It has made this week go by so much better. I am focused. I am driven. I am ready to embrace the next days challenges. And I'm looking forward to celebrating my baby turning 1! We plan to spend this weekend with my in-laws. We will have an early Thanksgiving Day dinner, followed by birthday cake. My kids are all growing up. And seeing her be a year old, is a huge reminder that I need to slow down a little more. I need to remember this. We all do. Life flies by, when you stop paying attention. Don't ever forget that. Don't lose time, while speeding through it.

Kikkoman House Party!

*I was sent the party pack from House Party on the behalf of Kikkoman for the sole purpose of sharing the word on brining, breading and using Kikkoman products for the upcoming holidays. I was not paid for my comments. They are my honest opinions. The items sent were shared with family and friends.* 

Thanksgiving is around the corner. And that means it is time to consider your menu. House Party is working with Kikkoman to get the word out on some yummy options you might want to consider adding to your spread. 

Have you considered a turkey brine instead of roasting it? When done right (and not like I did last year in a hurry), it brings out the moist, juicy flavors you and your guests crave. Or how about adding some crunch? There are recipes around the world that include Panko to coat a dish and add the munchiness (making up words here) to your table. 

I absolutely love the Kikkoman brand. They have so much more than just Panko or Soy Sauce.

I've been using the soy sauce to make my favorite dish, Korean Beef. But I have been eying other recipes that use their products. Like the Teriyaki sauce to make Teriyaki Meatballs. Mmm I don't always stick with traditional Thanksgiving dishes. I like to branch out and make other things. This year, Thanksgiving will be a little different. We are having it the weekend before the actual Thanksgiving Day. For starters, my three oldest kids will be with their dad for this years celebration week. In addition to that, my mother and sister in laws are flying to have Thanksgiving Day with my brother-in-law in California since he is a Marine and won't make it home this year. So instead of having a huge party, we had a dinner night with my mom and sister in law.

I made Koren Beef. We made mini egg rolls, mini cream cheese rangoons, postickers and rice. It was fun to be cooking together and then to dive in. 
After coming back home, I made some of the meatballs I mentioned.

The recipe had come with my party pack.

It was a huge hit! 2/3 kids fell in love with them. They actually begged me to make them again the next night.

They had tried it with fried rice, now they wanted them with spaghetti. Unfortunately, I had steaks cooking in the crock pot for the next nights dinner so they would have to wait another night. Who knew that teriyaki would be such a hit?! 
Here is the recipe I used:
Teriyaki Meatballs 
I handed out the party favors to friends and family. We LOVED the cute bottles of soy sauce with Hello Kitty pink designs on them.

I think that was definitely a big attraction. They pour so easy too! I went to the store for the Panko breadcrumbs. Normally, our store brand is cheaper. However, I found that Kikkoman was cheaper by a good .20!

On top of that, they come in resealable bags. This is great when you want the freshness to last a while longer. 

Overall, I love the Kikkoman products. They are easy to use, taste great, are a great price and found locally, and they know how to throw a great party! What would be your favorite part? What product would you like to try? Or have you tried?