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Friday, January 23, 2015

Ridiculous Ramblings in Retail: Executive Style

I know stupidity runs rampant.
No matter where you go, you will have at least one idiot who can ruin even the best of days. And that person is usually the one with the "boss" title. Mine is at Executive level. With boobs so big, she can't fit through a door with another person simultaneously and only enough knowledge to get her by, she runs the show haphazardly and makes us question how much she paid (or who she slept with) to get her position of authority. She's known throughout the lower levels of employees for running her mouth, being suggestive, and having plenty of bad ideas. Thanks to some of her ramblings, I've been nicknamed the Backroom Hooker.
The jokes that follow that line of thinking have been funny to downright my-face-feels-like-its-on-fire.
Conversations with her are avoided often. She is avoided as much as possible. Since she came on... the following things have made working at that store a near nightmare.

After being there maybe a week, she tried to question almost all of us in the back room about our relationship status. She wanted to know who was dating and who was married. She has been married at least twice and working on number three. Explains where she got the money for her manufactured breasts. Her conversation with me went along these lines....
Her: "Wow, you look so dressed up today. Got a hot date after work?"
Me: "I'm not all dressed up, its just a skirt. But no, Backroom is my date! I'm not divorced yet after all."
Her: "Are you kidding? Dating while going through a divorce is the best! I've had my best dates then."
Me: "Um... wow."

After being our Executive Team Leader (ETL) of Logistics for a couple months, she began to teach us new lingo on the tools and terminology for the back room.  
She showed us the upper shelving and the way things should look in a perfect back room. Then she says, "Don't forget to use your back room hooker."
Now, this is a new term for us. Sure we know about the metal hooks we use to pull things from the back of the steel shelves to the front. It helps us keep a healthy zone while eliminating our need to actually climb onto the shelves and possibly hurt ourselves. Did we know it's called a "hooker"? No! So she got incredulous looks as a reply.
"You know, those metal hooks? Those are hookers. Didn't you guys know that?"
She starts up her talk again and ends with, "Now don't forget guys (looks at the guys), utilize your back room hooker (looks at me and winks)."
What the...?! The guys all look at me and a couple smile. I could feel my face turning red. I immediately went from Backroom wife (because I'd cook and bake and clean up for my team) to being a hooker. Let's just say the jokes haven't ended and won't. I've learned to just roll with it.
She's told us to go "topless". We needed an explanation and were told it's where everything on the top shelves are brought down.
She told an older male ETL he could "use" one of our younger guys for "whatever purposes he wanted". Poor guy is now picked on for being that ETL's "boy toy".
When we spoke about our hopes for the back room and getting it as close to perfect as we could, she told us "Hope is for the weak and dying."
While receiving a food truck, the driver was hitting on me pretty strong. Trying to get my number, ask about my Facebook page, and ask me out when his divorce was settled. Did she step in for me? Nope. Just laughed. But when our receiving guy who is old enough to be my grandfather and has been nothing but a sweetheart to me, gives me a hug... She asks if I felt sexually harassed. 😐 Are you kidding me?! Her ideas of harassment are way out of line. 
We have designated areas for certain large-container products that work well for our safety and ease of back stocking. Like pillows being on the top shelves along a wall. "We need to make this look pretty. Move them to the bedding aisle." Now we have to haul boxes as tall as ourselves up a ladder to the top shelves down an aisle. The one assigned to that task did so, only to then be told to move them to the back of the aisle since it still wasn't pretty enough if we could see it.
Appearances mean everything to her. Obviously. What others think of her and the back room, also matter. Whatever happened to "Don't let others opinions of you, affect you. Be yourself and do good. It will all work out. Don't worry about what others think of you." Nope, it doesn't apply to you when you're an adult working in retail. Appearances are everything then.
All these months of dealing with her and listening to the things that come from her delusional mind have given two teams in our store something to hate as well as laugh at. Today, she really messed up. Will anyone notice? Probably not on the executive level.
We came in, and started our normal routine. We were already behind since the closer couldn't complete his part and back stock product was scattered everywhere. We had two trucks; general merchandise and a food truck. After pulling the morning stock, she had "projects" lined up to beautify the back room and present as close to perfection as possible to her special visitors today. Did she let us back stock? No. Did she let us start pulling down the pallets from the truck? No. "Make it pretty." We brought everything low and tight. This took a lot of time.

We get done with that and back stock starts rolling in with the pallets we have yet to finish from the truck. On top of this, food truck delivery was twice its normal size and coming up fast. So here's our team, struggling to keep up. What's her solution? "If you work faster, you'll finish faster."
We didn't stand much of a chance. They had their visitor and the higher ups didn't even bother to really give us a look over. They peeked in and moved on. Less than five minutes I'm guessing. All that work.... for nothing! Way to go! So much for prepping for the inspection. But what do you expect from an exec who has no idea how  to plan ahead? By the time I left (past my scheduled time again), the freezer looked like this:
And the best part? Look at us, being ever so safe!
You got it! The fire exit was blocked. To the left, our paper products which are edged by chemicals and lighter products. Now let's think about this a minute.... what happens if there is an accident? A single spark, turned blaze, and no exit. I see a future of deaths, lawsuits and plenty of finger pointing. Come on people! But what do I know? I'm just another loser working in retail.
Welcome to my crazy world!


  1. Sounds about right. Well it could be worse. How you ask? You could be working with team Obama and the Crazy Fun Team tearing down the nation. Sweet dreams on that one!

    1. Yeah, no thanks! I'm holding on to this job so that I can transfer to Florida later.