I hear the seatbelt click as its being taken off.
Me: Put that seatbelt back on!
Stephen: But mom, I need to fart.
Me: .... So?! Put it back on. Then fart.
Stephen: I can't fart if I'm sitting down.
Me: *facepalm* What...? You have to wear a seatbelt so long as we are driving, son. So find another way to fart or wait until we stop again.
We drive on and I fall asleep in the front. When we stop for gas, I change into shorts and brush my teeth. My oldest starts waking up and hands me a bottle with yellow liquid inside.
Stephen: *smiles* Guess what's in the bottle, mom!
Me: I don't have to guess. I already know. Why did you pee in the bottle instead of asking us to stop?
Stephen: Because you were taking too long to stop and I couldn't hold it. So I just had to pee in the bottle.
I'm just going to be proud of him for not wetting himself.
Later we get out of the car to grab a bite to eat. Immediately after jumping out the side, my middle child whips it out and starts peeing in the lot. I turn around and ask why?! "I had to pee. Oh and I peed while I was sleeping so my clothes are wet."
In my head I'm thinking, there's a place with lovely restrooms just a few steps away. Nope, just couldn't wait. Had to show off those family jewels to the traffic-filled road and restaurant full of people. Way to go, son.