Ridiculous Ramblings in Retail

I’m back to working in a large, nationwide retail store. While retail can have its boring days, you set up a good sale or have boring weekends in town - people come out of the woodwork to shop. Or in some cases... Tornado weather strikes and people decide, "I've just got to have that bicycle!"
Just about every shift I have, I can clock out from with another story of the ridiculous, stupid, or maybe just BIZARRE variety that our small town has within its borders. This is where my stories come from. I am NOT making this stuff up! People really are like this. I’ve decided to share some of these and hopefully bring some smiles to the rest of humanity. So sit back, have a laugh, and try not to wet yourself.

Show and Ride

One day, I’m standing at the front lanes (where you check out), and this large tour bus group comes bursting in our doors. The types of people on this particular bus were foreigners on vacation.

One elderly gentleman walks over to me shaking. He asks, “Do I show you my ID?”

“Show me your ID? Why?” I’ve lost the plastered on smile I wear while working and have completely opened up to show my confusion. “Yes, this. My ID, here.” He hands me this piece of paper that is in Spanish. From it I can tell only that he had Parkinson’s disease, his name, and the country he came from. I again asked why he was giving me his identification paper. “I want to drive cart with motor.” He starts pointing his shaking finger at the motorized carts parked nearby.
I had to fight from busting out in laughter. “No, sir. You do not need an ID to drive that.” We walk over to them. I make sure it’s unplugged and tell him he can ride it now. “Is hard to drive?” Now I’m doing a mental head slap imagining this guy crashing into everything around the store or mowing people down. I would much rather someone push him around in the cart with the kiddie seats attached but suggesting such a thing might cost me my job…

So now begins the process of explaining how to use it... “First you have to sit down. Then you switch this to the ‘On’ position. These levers are for forwards and backwards. Just turn the handlebars to turn.”

“So like this?” The cart lurches forwards then jerks backwards. He gets this frightened look, but tries again. A huge smile spreads across his face and I begin to wonder if I just signed someone else’s death warrant. Maybe he should drive with the guy who rides his lawn mower to the store to do his shopping.