Winds of Change

To pirates, that meant something good or bad was about to happen, depending on the feeling in your gut. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it means:

“Forces that have the power to change things – used generally to mean change is going to happen.”

For me, the winds are bringing good change. It is time to admit that my current job has run its course. I gained what I needed from it to build up my knowledge and skills. I've also made connections. And now I’m ready to take them with me and make the next company I work for all the better for it. In addition, I’m going to use what I know in building my own business ideas. I have two in the works that I would love far more than anything I could do otherwise.

When you go home so depressed that you can’t even find the desire to have a normal conversation with the ones you love, when you find that you feel completely drained once you reach the weekend instead of feeling relaxed, and most importantly, when you feel that you have no drive to try for anything anymore… its time to realize that you need a change. The past few weeks have been just that. I felt hopeless. I was ready to quit. Ready to cry. Ready to scream. In my head, “I’m done” was all I could think about. Done with everything. That’s how bad my work weeks were.

They did great things, and yes, I might feel like they were amazing once, but that “once upon time” has ended. What I once loved doing, I now dread arriving for. I feel so burnt out. So lost in the tasks that are thrown my way by all corners of the office. I have read so many articles lately on how the younger generation in sales and growing businesses are losing energy. They are dropping off the grid of competitive goals. Why? They just can't keep up with demands. Demands that are unrealistic. France actually had to pass a law that employees CAN ignore work emails when they are off the clock. Seriously? My lead, not a manager, has clients calling, texting, emailing her, calling her through Skype - at all hours of the day/night. She works all day, goes home and works some more and then some on the weekends. But all she gets compensated for is the 8-5 work day. I can't live like that. I want a life outside the office. I have a family with multiple small children. I want to have that perfect life with lots of money saved up for future goals, but not at the expense of missing what I consider important now. My kids. My soon-to-be husband. They mean the world to me. I'd rather be poor with them, than alone at work and swimming in money.

So I'm now preparing for the changes to come. I'm looking to better the world around me. And if that means moving forward, then so be it.

7 wonderful years so far

This past weekend was my little man, Allen's, 7th birthday.

Time flies! He has grown taller than his older brother. He is also sharp-witted and mathematically inclined. So, I'm one proud mama. We took him to Main Event. For the past couple weeks (weekends), we have been trapped at home. Everyone had some kind of ailment. My oldest son had severe allergies, Allen had pneumonia, my older girl had a perforated ear drum and allergies, and the baby was showing signs of congestion for unknown reasons. I had something that ended up in allergies. And my fiancé also had his allergies flare up. We were miserable. I missed work. All the kids missed some school. It was quite the time. So this past weekend, my fiancé and I decided that we had had enough of being trapped indoors. It was time to venture outside while we were feeling a bit more on the mend. We had some friends join in and got a small cake to share. Everyone ate and played and had a great time. He had all kinds of Lego and Minecraft gifts to love. It was wonderful. And it made me so happy. They are growing up so quickly. I want to treasure the moments while I can. Before I know it, they will be grown and gone.

When we got home, we had these little gemstone kits I got on clearance at Target a while back.

 

You chip away until you find your "gem".

Some of them are supposed to be real and valuable. Like one that I opened had what is supposed to be an actual diamond.

It was so much fun for all of us. And the smiles we all shared will be memories I keep in my heart. Happy Birthday, little man. Mommy loves you!

Only 4 more months to go...

My wedding day approaches quickly. I have just about four more months left to finish the preparations. I do have the cake toppers and he put on a custom engagement ring to show this lady is his.
He knows me so well. A diamond would've disappointed this nerdy girl. He created a ring with the Star Wars rebel symbols holding the ruby.

The cake toppers will look great on the cake we plan to have. He has Captain Picard and I have Queen Amidala.  

The invitations went out too. My future mother-in-law and her brother created the perfect blend for us.

And for my birthday, my Mom sent us our cake cutting set. A little polish and it will be beautiful!

Measuring Success

According to Dictionary.com, success is defined as follows:
1. The favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one's goals.   

2. The attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.   

 

Lately, I would have to say that I don't feel very successful. I've had many goals, but very little have been carried into completion. I seem to create goals that end up discarded along the way. Dreams get placed on the shelf. I know I've talked about this before. It seems to be a life-long thing at this point.

I'm by no means wealthy. Not even in the 'comfortable life' sense. I live paycheck to paycheck with a little thrown into savings for those inevitable vehicle repairs that I seem to have more often than I would like. My position in life is the same now that it has been all my life - middle class to poor. Though I suppose I have finally moved into a white collar job. I have no distinguishing honors. I know a little about a lot of things, but nothing to specialize in.

 

My life goals:

Finish college (Quit when I got married and pregnant)

Become an ASL Interpreter (Have to finish college to get this)

Buy a house (Would have this year, if my ex-husband didn't pull me down with his tax evasion)

Become a writer on the side (Finally accepted that I'm not as good a writer as I thought)

Create my own business (Takes money to make money and I don't have it)

 

So how do I know if I am successful? If I compare myself by the definitions, I'm not. I haven't obtained any of my goals, wealth, honors, position, etc.. I barely keep my family afloat, and that's just surviving - not living. If I compare myself to other women, I'm nowhere near as successful as I should be. I'm not on the same level as some of the "white trash" types I've met over the past few years, but I'm also not doing well in keeping my kids on the right track in some areas. My kids aren't honor students. Okay maybe my 4 year old daughter will be, but her brothers aren't. I no longer own my vehicles, but make payments. I live in the crappiest apartment I have ever been stuck in. Even the first one I was in, next door to drug dealers and hookers, was better health-wise than this one. I spend more time at work every day, than I do at home. My kids see me maybe 3 hours during the week, everyday. During the weekend, I'm busy running errands, cleaning the house, or trying to catch up on projects (sometimes this includes side work). All for what? The mediocre life of getting by?

No where do I see the shining story of rising above and making a difference. More recently, I have felt like a failure at the job. I've worked hard to assist my supervisor and it seems our efforts are for nothing. And it has shown me how little I know. I now get annoyed by being called a unicorn when before I felt honored. For those of you who don't know the meaning, see the video below. Maybe its because I've been out of school for so long and that's where my success seemed better. Maybe its because I just had a baby and I still feel like a fat cow. But throw everything together and I don't see where "successful" is in the description of me.

So I pose a question to Mom's out there. How is success measured for us?