Vengeance is Mine

I've been reading through Romans in my personal daily devotions. I came across some verses that lay heavy on my heart. In a couple weeks it will mark the year anniversary of the death of my great grandmother. 

Romans 12:14 Bless them which persecute you: bless and curse not. 

Looking back at that time, I am reminded of the anger, the pain, and the sheer rage that filled me. The events surrounding her death were less than pleasant. So much so for me, that I was ready to kill the one involved. I plotted his destruction in my mind. I seethed over the knowledge of what he had done and the fact that someone protected him from justice. He had someone high in the police department destroying the case against him. But who protected my Nana from him? Who gave her justice? To this day, no one has. I admit, I'm still angry. I still want him brought to justice. But no longer by my hand. I gave vengeance to God. He will serve a hearty helping on judgment day. 

Romans 12: 19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. 

The anger I held for this person was even stronger than the bitterness I harbored against my ex husband. A man who served up almost 8 years of abuse. A man that I can now see as nothing more than a fly buzzing around my ears - annoying, but so stupid that he's harmless for the most part. I haven't even wished death upon him. But the other fellow had a hand in my Nana' s end. He hurt her life. And that has never sat well with me. My Nana was more than just the matriarch of our family. She was, at times, closer to me than my own Mother. She knew and understood parts of my life that my Mom didn't. 

The passage I read yesterday showed me how I've been such a hypocrite. I teach my children that they need to forgive those who wrong them. To always treat a person how they themselves want to be treated and not as the other person is treating them. Yet, here I have been harboring hatred in my heart for another. Some might say I'm justified. But I am not. If all the world was an eye for an eye, we would all be blind. This is where the saying, "Kill 'em with kindness" truly comes from. 

I still feel the loss. Her picture hangs in my stairwell and I see it multiple times throughout the day, every day. A reminder of what is no longer here. A relationship that is gone forever. But I have finally accepted the way things are. I might feel anger at times. He's still out there, probably abusing another elderly persons kindness. But I know. Whether you believe in karma or in God, the truth is there. What goes around does come back around. Evil doers will reap their evil deeds rewards one day. I might not see it with my own eyes. Maybe it won't come in the way I wanted, but they will be punished.

Instead of holding on to the anger and hatred. I think it is time to take the high road. While I won't let someone continually repeat offenses against me and my family, I will be more loving towards someone who does me wrong.

Romans 12:20-21 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in doing so thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.