Building My Self Esteem With Help From Pinterest

“Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries. They just don’t let these feelings stop them.”
~ T. Harv Eker

Part of getting in shape and moving forward means feeling good with how I am looking, every step of the way. I have spent the past couple years in jeans and T-shirts. Most of which are in shades of black or grey. I'm pretty tired of this. I want to look and feel amazing again. Now, normally, I'm not much for style. In my early college years, I was more of a business goth. Hard for some people to see on me now, but that was my comfort zone. I wore corset tops, lots of black, and knee-high boots with skirts. I felt like I looked HOT. Whether that was in my head.... eh ~shoulder shrug~ who can tell? 

While I'm not wanting to go back to that style (at least not completely), I want that feeling I had back then. About how I looked, THAT is what I want to get back to. 

Self Esteem

Self esteem is fluid. At least for some of us. I believe that some people are born confident. They hold on to it throughout life, without wavering. But for a great deal of us, it comes and goes. Sometimes we are walking on cloud nine, thinking we can do anything. And other times, we are dragging around, hoping no one sees us the way we currently see ourselves. Maybe we just have fragile self esteem. Maybe it is easily knocked down a peg or two. Whatever the case, mine is like that. I felt amazing before I got pregnant with my last child. I was at a great weight. I was working out. I was working a paid job, not just being a Mom. I had clothes that fit and that I looked good in. 

Then pain and pregnancy happened...

And suddenly, I'm gaining weight. My back problems were flaring up. I was not working out anymore. I switched jobs and found out I was pregnant. Talk about life being thrown through a loop! I was riding the Crazy Train to Loopsy Town. While pregnant, I told myself it was all okay. After all, I had gained weight, sometimes lots of it, with all my pregnancies. Then after they were born, I dropped it within two years time, max. No way, did I think I wouldn't get back to those pre-pregnancy styles. I still have a box, that is slowly getting smaller, of the clothes I wore back then. And I still cling to the hope that one day I will fit them again. 

I jump back and forth in my feelings for how much I love or hate my body. Some days I just accept it for what it currently is. Other days I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and want to cry. I'm about 45 pounds over my ideal weight. I don't like looking in the closet. It reminds me that my style is bland. 

 

"Hmm, which T-shirt do I wear today?" 

Seriously?! I no longer have to pick between a corset or a blouse. A skirt or jeans. Boots or heels. Nope. My biggest decision is which shirt should I wear? Is it a cooler day? Kikkoman promo shirt will work. Looking for a softer and sleepable shirt, then pick the eBay 25th anniversary tee. I hear comedians talking about women taking forever to get ready and think, "Not me". Two minutes and I'm dressed to go. Make up is a rare treat. I dread putting it on. Unless it is date night or I know I'm taking special photos that will include my face, I don't wanna! After all, who do I have to impress? I only have 2 pairs of jeans and those are only for when I know I'm leaving the house or someone is coming over.

However, there are certain tops I don't mind having, even if they are T-shirts. I just need to get the feminine shaped ones. Like the one below... Then at least I can be reminded of the curves I still have.

Fighting to feel better

Truth is, I have decided that I am ready to branch out. I'm working out more steadily. Walking more, eating less, eating healthier. I'm giving it more effort. It will take me a while. I still have some serious pain days and my body still seems to be trying to kill me. But I have decided I can't live like this any more. I've asked my husband to keep me accountable. And through it all, I'm going to start trying to look better as well. 

Taking Steps Toward Looking My Best

• I make a point to brush my hair. I can't stand messy hair. I get on to my daughter often about her hair. But some mornings I'm in a rush to get the kids up and ready for school, so I just throw my hair in a bun. Voila! Hair is done. I forget about it for the rest of the day. Not anymore. I try to slow down just enough to brush through it before moving on.  
• I wear jewelry when we are leaving the house. Nothing too fancy. But by adding a bracelet or a necklace, at least, I feel like I have taken just a little more effort and I feel better about myself. 
• And now for the best part - I have created a Pinterest board just for My New Style. I go through photos and try to decide how I want to look now. Now, and later, as I want to have a progressive style. As I lose those pounds, I will transition. I know it will be slow. I also know I don't have the funds to get the types of clothes I'm looking at, but it is a start in the right direction. When I'm able to, I will at least know what kinds of clothing I am looking for. As the saying goes, "Knowing is half the battle."

I also save screenshots or cut out styles I like. Screenshots like this one are put into a folder on the laptop for future use.

I have a notebook that I paste pictures I've cut out into. Yeah, yeah. Totally old school on that front. But don't knock the technique that works for me! It helps to reinforce the goals I have. The clothes I want to fit into or get to feel better about how I look. Each step will bring me closer to regaining that self esteem.

What about you? How do you decide your style preferences? Do you read magazines? Watch TV shows? Window shop? What inspires you?? Leave me a comment below and give me some ideas! Love to hear back from you all.