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Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Slipping Through the Cracks

At the beginning of a new year, you are supposed to be full of hope. You are supposed to be full of ambition. Your goals are set high because you believe in your ability to accomplish them. On day 10... I was losing that. 2017 had a lot of letdowns. I was trying to have a better 2018. 

I have lost the drive to seek medical treatment for the spinal issues that plague this body of mine. They say you get one yes after nine "no" answers in the business world. I'm beginning to feel that is a better chance than when seeking medical answers. I started receiving treatment when the pain hit a high note while working for Amazon in January of 2016. I went home in tears, daily. Since then...
I have tried chiropractic care.
I have tried steroid injections.
I tried getting a massage.
I have been taking pills in increased dosages for the past year or more.
I drink chamomile tea, take warm showers, sleep with a heating pad, and avoid too much activity when the pain level is starting to rise.
Since losing my job in March of 2017, I have been trying to get assistance for medical care. Believe it or not, on our single income and with 4 children, I don't qualify for Medicaid. I also can't get disability because I have not been specifically treated in the past year for this condition of mine. Haven't been able to without insurance and spare cash. And because I don't have insurance and will be paying for my visits in cash, I am not able to get anything past injections from a pain management physician that came highly recommended in San Antonio. 

A suggestion had been made that I should seek care from a medical school. I had this when my Mom got me braces. Schools have students that need practice. But they can't get real patients just yet. So you pay discounted amounts and the students use you under supervision of medical experts. I sought out one in San Antonio that is under a hospital. They told me that I didn't qualify because I am not a resident of their county. They gave me the number of a place that is 45 minutes away in another town. So I got everything together that I would need and sought out the Indigent Medical Assistance. My husband, baby and I sat for just over an hour waiting to be heard. Then I was told that I may not qualify. Why? The city I live in is split into 3 counties. One of which already told me I do not belong to them. So I have to find out and prove what county I am a resident of. My vehicle is registered in the county that told me I'm not in their jurisdiction, despite living within minutes of the city limits. The other hospital, so far away, says I have to prove where I belong. This program is for Indigent patients. You know you have fallen far when you are called an indigent person. Impoverished, needy. Yes, that's me. And yet, I am falling through the cracks of the programs designed to help those like me. This answer came right before the other doctors office told me they would only allow me steroid injections for cash payments. A simple consultation would cost me $200. The injections start at $300 and go up with additional fees for supplies and anesthesia. 
I have asked for referrals by medical professionals and friends. Advice on what they think I should do next. What I should try next. My list of dead ends is growing longer.
Hope is hard to hold onto when you reach this length or trials. I keep praying. I hear songs of encouragement to hold on to hope for even the impossible. Chronologically, I'm going on 30 years old this month. Physically, I'm pushing past 80. So it's time for plan B. Or whatever letter I'd be at now. Just to pray. They say there is great power in prayer. And when you have nothing else, it is what you cling to. 

My advice to others who are in this situation - pray. And then know what county you are in. Know what is out there. There is nothing that I have found for me, but every city is different. Some of these programs do serve people from other counties. They have a program extension. Sadly, that won't work in my case. And depending on where you are, I have heard from one worker that there are clinics that you can push for sliding scale prices based on your income. She said it is very difficult, but it is possible. You just have to live in their county and be prepared to sit and wait and refuse to be to told no. These are usually some type of community clinic. Not privately owned. 
Hope thins out when you are suffering with no relief in sight. But you have to look for the bright side of where you are. My mother reminded me of this. I have to believe that this situation is strengthening me for what is yet to come. I might not like the method, but the results will be worth it.
Psalm 56:4
In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.

32 comments:

  1. Wow! I didn't realize getting married was so bad on you. You did say 2017 was the worst year so far. I do feel though (since you are reading your Bible) that it is kinda his fault for not providing for your medical needs. I mean it is good that you are able to stay home and raise your kids and take care of your husbands needs. To me that is a blessing. I am having a hard time reading your posts lately because in 1 hand, your life is the worst thing ever. In another you bring up God. God is always God. Never changing or waivering. See He never promises you an easy or good life. Sure He says if you walk in his ways and obey Him (even when it isn't what you want to do), life will be a bit easier than if you sin. Like when you were younger and you were first diagnosed with scoliosis, you had no pain. The doctor's were baffled by that because of how crooked you were. 1 doctor said you where on the verge of a wheelchair and couldn't believe you could walk with no pain at all. I know God had his hand in that. This is a time to step back and trust in God. Know sin has a punishment. Look into yourself and admit your sin. We all do it but some don't ever admit to it. If you bring God into your suffering I want you to remember the Christians who died in the lions den for their belief. Remember, the lions prayed on the weak first. Mothers watched as their young children were torn apart. But the mothers stood strong in their faith in God. Singing songs to the Lord, praising Him for his goodness. Can you step back and do the same? I haven't heard that yet. I hear from you, I want to but. There is no but with God. I understand that talking about your pain is theripudic. It helps others struggling as well but you don't have to say how it makes your life like not worth anything. You are worth something. God doesn't make junk. He created you! He blessed you with a big loving family. I know you as well so I want you to take a break after reading this and calm down. Then go back and re-read it. I love you and want the best for you but I love God and just want you to see what you say about Him sounds not like you really believe.

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  2. Here is a thought. Write Mark Cuban a heart felt letter (Texan to Texan). Tell him of your painful struggle and how the system has let you fall through the cracks. Ask him to open his charitable heart and pay for you to get the surgery you need. He does charity donations and he has the money. Doesn't hurt he wants to run for president.

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  3. Suffering. It causes normally stable individuals to become unstable. Same thing happens when watching someone you care about suffering. Suffering is a mystery. We often do not know the cause of our own suffering. How arrogant to assume to know the cause of someone else's. It must be the fault of someone near, or the consequence of bad choices or God's punishment for unrepentant sin. I have suffered. I have heard the pious Christian tell me it is God's will, God's discipline, my fault. If I had more faith, if I hadn't decided to go a direction "they" thought was wrong, if I would just look at my life and repent. What sad Christians, whose encouragement is wrapped up in a know-it-all spirituality. Suffering drives even some non-Christians to God. How much more a child who has already embraced the Mercy and Grace. At the onset, we ask for relief, rail against the unfairness, beg for mercy, submit to the process. I am so, so sorry for the pain, the heartache and unfairness of your situation. And I am sorry for the "fixers" that do more harm than good.

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    1. Thank you! Your words are a great encouragement to me. I have a wonderful husband who has been doing his best to help me get through this. And we both know that God will provide and do His work in us. We just have to be waiting and willing to go where He leads.

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  4. I'm so sorry to read about your problems! Spinal pains are hard to bear even for a short while, I can't even imagine what it's like to live with that feeling. All those things happening to you... I truly admire your perseverence. I admire you for going on day by day. I know what it's like, falling through the cracks, and constant letdowns can easily rob one of their power to fight. Don't give up! If the Lord tries you, it is because he wants to make you even stronger. I hope you'll be rewarded for your stuggles, I'll keep you in my thoughts.

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    1. Flora - I appreciate the encouraging words. I do believe that God has a plan and that I have to be stronger.

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  5. As a Licensed Massage Therapist who has worked in healthcare settings including a Chiropractor, I must ask did you go regularly for massage, or just "one and done?" In order for our body tissues to heal and get used to their new patterns and stay that way longer massage must be practiced very often, especially on those with severe injuries or misalignment. something else I would recommend would be Yoga. FREE if you lookup the videos and diagrams on youtube or pinterest, and on many free apps. I hope you find the help you need soon.

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    1. I had several visits with my chiropractor. She was the one who suggested that it was not enough to make a difference. I will look into yoga and see what happens there. Thank you!

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  6. So sorry you’re dealing with this. I don’t even know what to say i just hope what comes is greater than what’s been

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  7. I am so sorry to hear you have this struggle... I live with chronic pain due to Fibromyalgia so my heart goes out to you so much... One thing that helps me manage my pain ( not take it away, but manage it)is something called dry needling.... my PT does it once a week... Shell

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    1. I'll check around and see if anyone around here does that! Thank you for the advice.

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  8. I am so sorry to hear you're in pain. My fiancee has chronic pain issues as well, so I know first hand how defeating it can be. Try to stay encouraged and we will keep you in our prayers.

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  9. I am so sorry that you have been going through all this. I hope things get better, will pray for you!

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  10. Wow thats a tough hand you were dealt but I have a feeling that you will get through it, keep being proactive about finding answers and help from both doctors and God!

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  11. What a raw, honest post. It was quite painful reading, though I imagine even more painful to write and not nearly as painful as the condition you're suffering from :( my thoughts go out to you, I hope you're able to find treatment soon x

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  12. So sorry to hear that you had to go through so much pain and challenges in your life. I've always been appalled by the cost of healthcare in the US. This should be accessible to everyone!

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  13. Its not fun to suffer from pain, but I have faith in grace. Seeing you present with what is, and receiving the good from it all.

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  14. I am sorry that you feel like this bad. Maybe a new beginning would be a change for example to change the country you and your family live in. In Germany and Austria for example there is a very good medical system also when you have no job you don't need to pay anything to the doctors because you are automatically insured. No matter if you have no job. It's normal here. I hope you and your situation gets better. Positivity is the key.

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    1. Positivism is hard to maintain, but necessary for success in handling pain. I know that moving somewhere else might be the answer one day. I'm not sure I could be so far from family though. But it gives food for thought!

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  15. I am so sorry to read of your struggles, I do hope 2018 finds you in a better place, I will pray for your health x

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  16. I am sorry to hear about your Spinal problem, I know that is really painful. I hope that things get better this 2018. Just stay positive and don't forget to pray to the mighty god.

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  17. Sorry to have read about your pains. I can relate on this since my grandpa have the same problem. Hope you get well. In Jesus Name you will be healed.

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