Learning Not to Worry

After losing my job, worry took over. I fretted over how we would pay the bills. Wondered what we would do to make ends meet. I questioned what God might have planned for us. Unemployment was fickle. Almost like a full time job. At first, I looked like crazy for a job. But soon came to realize that it might not be the right choice. You see, right before losing my job, my husband was in a car accident that totaled his vehicle. So we were down to one car - my van. In addition, he had work overnight and school two days a week. Between his schedule and making sure someone was able to be with the baby all day or get the kids as they exited the bus, none of the jobs I was looking for matched our needs. I had been laid off from being an administrative assistant making $14/hour. And that's the type of job I was looking for. I felt as though I had to get the full time, high paying job that would keep our family as it had been. We had gotten comfortable. But we didn't need that to be happy. My husband works part time while he's in school. He makes enough to cover the bills. We could get by with what we need. I had a couple thousand saved from work. It has been slowly dwindling with each month that passes by as my automatic bills pull from it. We have not needed to worry. We won't be going out to eat like we used to. Lunch dates will be sparse. I have to pinch pennies from time to time to get little non-food items, but the bills are paid. 

And when other unexpected bills have struck, like the multiple van issues, we  were blessed in ways we could not have imagined. At first, we were having starter problems. The van would not start. Our local, and trusted mechanic, told us that was something he could not help with. We feared the price tag the dealership would put to such a task. My husband called and began to inquire. Turned out, there was a recall on that part and we didn't have to pay a dime! The relief was like a wave over us, despite agreeing that whatever happened would be God's will. Then the alternator died. We broke down on our way home one day. We had to have the van towed to the mechanics shop, rent a car for the weekend, as well as pay for the parts and labor. But at the same time that happened, we had sold something donated to us by my husband's grandparents. The money from that sale more than covered all those expenses. 

Another item his grandparents had donated us, also sold. And with the money we got from that, we were able to get the last of the Christmas presents on our list for family and friends. This was one part of me that hurt the most. I'm a giver. It is my gift, or curse - depending on your point of view. I love to give, even when I have so little. 

Then there were other things. Like my son needed a new backpack. I'm praying his lasts until Christmas. (Tonight, we had to duct tape it back together. Duct tape - the key element for everything.) That is when he gets a new one from money sent by a friend to purchase gifts for the kids. My daughter needed new panties. Those also came from that money. Shortly after shopping for those things, we came to find that both boys' jackets broke and they needed new ones. They also needed pants. Another friend writes that he wanted to be their Santa this year. He sent money that more than covered those needs. They were even able to get some toys that I would not have otherwise been able to get. My baby got a walker that will hopefully help her learn to walk. At 13 months, she is being a little slow. My middle son needed shoes. Without even telling my mother, I received a packaged from her that had a new pair in it just for him. And not a day too soon. We had duct taped his old pair back together and the school was planning to get him a new pair when they saw it. They didn't, however, so we were very glad to have gotten those when we did! Today, the school surprised us by sending 3 pairs of shoes for the boys and one for my daughter. They will be set for a little while yet. 

These are just a few things that I have come to realize. All the times I have worried, God has provided in ways that I never would have thought to be. We have been able to keep our heads up. To have our needs, and even some wants, provided for. Through family and friends. I had applied for a job last week. Sadly, even after 2 interviews, it just wasn't meant to be. But I have faith. We will be fine. Better than fine. We will get by with life going smoothly. No matter what hiccups may come, we don't have to worry. I don't have to worry. God has got this.