Most people who have read through the book of Proverbs in the Bible are acquainted with this verse: Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. (Proverbs 31:10)
It's the passage that details the Proverbs 31 woman. The Christian version of the perfect woman. The woman that cannot physically exist. Or maybe you are that woman and are so amazing, the rest of us feel like dirt in comparison. Anyhow... She gets up before everyone else, runs the perfect household, and goes to bed after everyone else. And so on and so forth...
What does that have to do with me? Easy. I aspire to be her. Don't get me wrong. I will never be that woman to a T. I can barely manage the getting up before everyone else and going to bed after everyone else. But this morning, I will! No wait, I have! (Forgive me, I'm not sleeping well.)
I woke up this morning at 4:46 AM. Not by choice, mind you. I woke up from an almost scary, crazy dream. One of many these days. I found myself stiff and in pain. After checking the time on my phone, I realized I had a few text messages. Go figure, the night I fall asleep shortly after 9 PM, everyone wants to talk. I start replying before my brain reminds me that everyone sleeps, but me. And yes, I texted someone who woke a second before my message came through. Though that person and I share a special connection and they are far more gracious than others would have been. My husband was also up as he was at work. He's used to my occasional late night to early morning texts. He gently chides me to get more sleep, while understanding that that is sometimes not possible for me. I'm happy to get 4 hours of sleep a day. Not ideal, but I manage.
So then came the choice of what I should do. Obviously, I have a bathroom break and drink some water. But then what? I could toss and turn and try to find a comfortable position to sleep in. Who knows, maybe a couple more hours of sleep before the kids wake up! Pfffttt. As if! I'd be lucky to get 30 minutes in there somewhere. So why force myself to try to sleep? Instead, I decide to be productive. I get on the computer to answer emails and work on the blog.
I've been slipping with this. I love blogging. I love working on reviews. This month, I have 4 I am already in the planning stages for. But I'm limited on my screen time. My laptop went kaput and I can't afford to replace it. So I am sharing my husbands computer. Which means there are stipulations to its use. First of all, I cannot use it if he shuts it down. Sure, I know how to boot a computer. I just don't know his two passwords. Yes, he has two now that we switched to Linux. (Sayonara Windows, knowing you has been such a pain!) And I don't know either of them. This doesn't stem from a trust issue. Don't even think such a thing. This comes from him not having a habit of telling me and I don't ask. He also has a password for his phone and my Xbox Live account (the latter being because I keep getting hacked or they keep screwing me up).
The second reason that I might not be able to use the computer is that he's sleeping. The computer is in our room. And since he works nights, he sleeps during the day. When he's sleeping, I can't be clacking away at the keyboard. So I have to stay up late or wake up early. Or wait until the late afternoon and hope I can steal a little time upstairs without the kids needing something, or he's on the machine, or debating whether I need to do chores more than I need to blog...
This is where I managed to work on the blog and even took a shower! When he comes home from work, I'll look less like a zombie and more like a human being for a change.
These thoughts also come after reading a blog post by a woman that just might be the Proverbs 31 Woman. She is an Engineer, Wife, Mother of 2, Entrepreneur, and Blogger. She wrote about how she gets every task done and how to manager her time. She even cooks for an entire week every Sunday. That includes home made baby food and lunches! Talk about a punch in the gut... I only dream of being that awesome.
As far as being the worlds greatest Mom or being the most amazing wife ever... yeah, I'm so far from it. I think I'm good at cleaning, but I'm also good at falling asleep while trying to feed the baby. Or while trying to fold laundry.
It is so hard to see your own value when you are surrounded online by women who do so much more in life than you ever thought possible. Heck, my own Mother is still raising 8 of my siblings, was volunteering for the US Naval Sea Cadet Corps, keeps an organized home and does home-cooked meals daily. She's a deal finder on a regular basis. She's more stylish than I could hope to. I aspire to be the Wonder Woman she is, but have no reason to think I ever will be.
I'll probably be dead on my feet by 2 this afternoon. But at least I gave myself that pick up of being a "virtuous woman", even if only for a couple hours.
Time to get busy and feed the brood. What woman do you aspire to be? Why?