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Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Looking through broken glass

Life has its ups and downs. Mostly downs. Valleys. It makes us appreciate the view at the mountaintops more. But they can certainly be difficult to navigate. Especially when they interfere with the life you are setting up for your family.

In the past 3 weeks alone, so much has happened in my life. My great grandmother passed away. I moved into a new apartment. My dad visited from Florida. My fiancĂ© was in a car accident - thankfully he was able to walk away, but the car was totaled. Two days later, I was laid off due to a reduction in workforce in the company.
I feel like I'm barely taking time to breathe. I tackle one task, one problem at a time. Tomorrow, I leave for Louisiana to say my final goodbye to my Nana. I look forward to it and dread it all at once. I have missed my parents and siblings and will be glad to see them. My mother will be meeting my baby girl for the first time. On the other hand, I dread having to face the reality that my Nana is truly gone. That its time to say goodbye. To move on. No matter how long I knew it was coming, I still wasn't quite ready for this. For the moment when her laughter, her fun-loving spirit, her heirloom stories would suddenly stop. But I have to accept that she is now no longer in pain as well. She has been suffering for so long. Physically and mentally. Her only child passed away, her sister has been suffering memory loss, her only nephew passed away, and all her other family members lived in other states. Those she had "helping" her, stole from her. Took advantage of her. A woman who worked hard all her life. Who gave so much to everyone else, but asked for so little. A woman who lived an amazing story and gave me the drive to excel as she did... She's now gone. My heart will always hurt. A hole will always remain where she was. And my memories of her will always be bittersweet. Its like looking through a broken glass. The view is distorted. Mixed emotions. Unclear depictions of the past. I have to piece some of it back together, while being mindful that it won't be 100%. I'm in a valley, but looking forward to that mountain top.

Her obituary as written by the woman who loved her best, my Mother:

To often life escapes us. We are born with no say in the matter and then 1 day, the end reaches us. It truly is what is in between that matters in history. Here we look at the life of Bonita Mouhart. She was born in 1934 during a depression. She lived through WW2. She learned the value of a dollar through sacrifice. She saw different automobiles, televisions come to everyone's homes, and men go to the moon. She saw phones come and then turn into what we have today. Not to mention all the progress in the medical field. She has seen countless friends and family pass through this life to go to the next. She had a great faith in God the Creator. She loved her fellow man (even when they mistreated her). Her last years she had the joy of sharing her one and only son's final years with him. After he passed, she looked forward to going to live with him for eternity. She didn't complain much and lived a very simple life. But the most remarkable accomplishment in her life was from this one woman came forth 26 people to date. She was very interested in her large family. Each new addition made her happy. She will be missed but never forgotten! The love and life lessons will be passed down from generation to generation.


  1. You didn't tell us about Andrew's car accident. It was nice what you wrote about Nana. She lives in us if we remember the things she taught us all.

    1. I didn't want you to worry. It was great hearing the stories at the memorial service.