I try to be patient with all things. After all, good things come to those who wait, right? Lately though, my patience is stretched to its limits. I admit my plate is full to the edges, but that's just how my life rolls in general.
At work, and in my professional life, I'm loaded with new tasks. Some are for personal growth. Then there are all my daily tasks of keeping 3 kids in line, keeping our home clean, homework assignments... And planning a wedding to boot. Oh yeah... and let's not forget the being pregnant part.
I'm 39 weeks along. Its been a long 9 3/4 months. With many adversities I have had to overcome. I've dealt with comments and dirty looks ranging from, "Wow, you do realize four kids are a lot, right?" My answer? "I'm the oldest of ten. Take your concerns and condemnation elsewhere." Or when the older kids make comments about having a new dad and people realize I'm divorced... Nothing like having people assume you are the white trash type making babies with any guy that comes my way. I've also had pain like never before. From my head to my feet. Swelling, bruising, stretching, pulled muscles, aches, tingling, immobilizing pain...
This little one doesn't seem to be in any rush to come out. I have tried everything I can think of to get the contractions started. According to my midwives, that's all we are waiting for. The Braxton Hicks I have started getting stronger and lasting longer, but they die off as abruptly as they started after an hour or two. It baffles the mind. I know everyone says she will come when she is good and ready. Or they say she is just being a brat and torturing me... which I'm beginning to believe. Yet, she also seems to be running out of room in there. My stomach has stretched to its max. When skin stretches tight, it itches. My abdomen is no different. On a daily basis, my feet swell up to my ankles. Its not a very comfortable feeling. Tight and sore all rolled up in one. I can't lift my legs without upper body strength being involved. I can't even roll over without a great deal of effort and sometimes help. I'm "all baby" as they say, but that's a whopping total of 53 pounds that I've gained in the stomach and thighs. More so than any of the others. Sadly that is partly due to my limited mobility from the pain. I am so anxious for this to be over. To hold her, look in her eyes, and tell her how much I love her. I know that in the end I will laugh at this. That it is all worth the end result. That doesn't mean, however, that I won't sit here wondering when she will finally arrive. Why she hasn't come yet. And pace myself crazy in my delirium of waiting.
I keep telling myself, she will be here when its time. Patience is a virtue - that I am running low on. But the wait will be worth it all. And that clearly, I'm not as ready as I say if she hasn't come yet. I pray that God allows her to come soon. But then I wonder... what could His reason be for keeping her from coming out? After all, everything is done in His perfect timing. So what am I missing here? What have I not done in preparation for her being here? Or even more so... what is coming that makes it better for her to stay inside? So many questions plague my mind. Only time will tell at this point.