This is what I really look like at work. Remember this for later:
One nice
day, I’m trapped inside watching everyone coming and going. This guy had just
finished buying his stuff and walks towards me as he heads out the door.
A puzzled
look crosses his face. “Are you security?” (Remember the picture above??)
In my head I’m
saying, “No, I just randomly dress like security and waste nice days inside.”
“Yes, sir, I
am,” I reply with my plastered on smile.
“Well, you
are the cutest security guard I have ever seen,” he says with a wink.
What?!
Cute?? I’m going for intimidating!!! Security guards aren’t meant to be cute.
Okay maybe the really hot guys with guns are classifiable as cute, but not the
skinny chick wearing hand me downs from the previous guy guards.
“Why, thank
you, sir.” I have to be nice after all. Its retail, dont'cha know!
About five
minutes later, another guy walks in. This
one is older, wearing a black shirt that says CATS (yes, as in the play) across the
front and has eyes in the back. He stumbles my way and gets just a little
closer than I’d like. “Are you security?” Alcohol breath flows hot and heavy
into my face.
I’m strongly
tempted to reply with a sarcastic, “Nope. I’m just playing dress up as a
security guard today. Tomorrow I’ll be a princess with a purple pony.”
“Yes, sir. I’m
security. Can I help you with something?”
“Well, if I
ever get arrested, I hope you’re the one arresting me!”
*Insert
metal head slap here* This is probably what he thinks he sees:
“Where’s the
pharmacy at?”
I point and
give directions. He leans too close and looks at where my finger is pointing.
A few minutes
go by and he comes back by. I get a call warning me about a drunk who just
bought cough syrup wearing a CATS shirt. Good times people. Now if they will just let me come to work looking like this....
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