Friday, August 31, 2018

Learning to Handle My Children's Bed Wetting

This past week has been... stressful to say the least. It is a wonder that my blood pressure stayed normal at my doctors appointments. There have been so many appointments. And then my older daughter caught strep. Again. We had an impromptu visit to the clinic on Sunday, with her missing school the next day.
Thus it began...

On Tuesday, we had an appointment with a psychologist as referred by my children's pediatrician. I confess, I was confounded by my boys' inability to master the bed-wetting issue. We had tried everything. Pullups, no juice or sweet drinks, nothing to drink after dinner (usually around 5PM) and even waking them up (if you can call it that) to go potty in the middle of the night. Nothing worked. They continued to sleep like the dead. And still wet themselves nightly. After seeking advice from the pediatrician, he told us it was high time we went to see the psychologist. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but at the same time I did not want to give up all hope.

A doctor I can respect!

She was nothing like I expected. A seasoned woman with 40 years of experience, working with kids. And very traditional. She had no qualms with telling my boys that they were old enough to change their sheets, make their beds, put away their clothes, etc. She also told them that by law, I need only provide food and a roof over their heads and that they needed to be responsible for keeping themselves cleaned and be thankful. Talk about earning my respect immediately! As a matter of fact, she told them that we are changing their diets and they will eat what they are given without complaint or they may as well accept that they will be wetting the bed for many more years to come.
I was a little concerned by her declaration of the diet changes. Drinking water - check! One sweet per week - check! Wait... that means no cereal and no poptarts unless that is the one sweet they choose for a week? Okay... I suppose that isn't so bad. And then the big one. No more than 1200 mg of sodium a day. What does that mean? More fruits and veggies? We can handle that. No chips? Hmm... okay... "Read labels." Do you know what I have learned since starting this practice? Too much. The amount of sodium in EVERYTHING is appalling. No wonder the blood tests showed normal for me, but high for my oldest boy.On average, we consume about 4,000-5,000 mg PER DAY of sodium. The night we had dinner after our appointment, I measured out the "Suggested Serving" sizes and counted up how much it equaled. A single serving was about 2,000 mg. We are talking a single cordon bleu breast, half a cup of au gratin potatoes and 2/3 a cup of mashed potatoes (kids and husband wanted two kinds of potatoes, normally I have a different side). I was floored! Starting looking in the pantry. I had just bought snacks for school. Huge multi-pack of crackers and a couple bags of single serve chips. Those little bags alone are about 300 mg each. 
(Snack items we had bought for the kids = all very high in sodium)

I don't know how well this will work out. We have decided to do this as a family. All for one and one for all! But oh man.... I'm struggling. I keep wishing we could just not do this anymore. At all. We even talked about only trying to get it lessened. Like maybe cut our salt intake by half? Just gotta get the kids trained to not pee in the bed anymore. I can't wait until we can have sweets back too. But I am loving the more vegetarian-like approach. Loading up on fruits and vegetables. I just need more meal ideas.... Got any??

Thursday, August 23, 2018

Here We Go AGAIN....

What the heck is wrong with this world?! 

The first week of school is not even completed and already we parents are in uproar. Judson ISD Transportation - you are in for a rude awakening. Tomorrow morning, the local Kens5 News crew is coming to investigate the injustices our kids are enduring on the bus system. And they will be met by a bunch of angry parents in the process. 

Always changing something that worked to something ridiculous. 

I have been trying to get in touch with someone about the bus route. This year, they have the stop in a dangerous spot. Kids have to cross the street in front of the bus to enter its doors. With cars that don't often want to stop or have a tendency to try to turn around to avoid waiting for the loading and unloading. Moving cars and kids in the same street = danger, in my opinion. 

They are riding a different bus nearly everyday, but all of them have little to no AC and they are not letting the windows down due to "liability" and "dust" issues (depending on who you talk to). Don't know about you, but my kids, in 100+ degree weather, in what could be described as a giant metal can on wheels makes my blood boil within me. 

Thus the bullying returns.

Then, today, my son tells me that he is being bullied by a "big kid". Guess which Mama is going onto the bus tomorrow? I did it last year and I will do it again this year. Touch my kids - you answer to me! 
This is a healthy reminder to all parents. Watch, listen and be ready to act. Our kids depend on us. We have to stand up for them at times. And for those other times... well, let's just say that I'm going to be teaching my kids how to handle unwanted touching. And if someone else's kid gets hurt - they gonna learn to keep their hands to themselves. I've had a lot on my plate this week, physically and mentally speaking, and this is the straw breaking this camels back. Tomorrow is gonna start with changes.

Friday, August 3, 2018

No One Can Judge Me... As I Do

"You are your worse critic." If I had a dollar for every time my husband has told me this, I think I'd be sitting on quite the wad of bills by now. It can be a hard truth. All we have to do is look in the mirror - physical or proverbial - to see all the things we don't like about ourselves. Whether we judge our appearances, hate some trait in our personality, can't stand a physical impediment or just continually remind ourselves of wrong decisions to put us down, we will always bring out the worse in ourselves. 

Take my personal put downs for instance. 
I'm fat. My husband absolutely can't stand when I refer to my weight in a negative way. He doesn't even like it when the kids say "Mom is not fat, just fluffy." (Any "Fluffy" fans out there??) I finally lost 3 of the 40 pounds that I have been holding on to for the past year. Slow process... But I love to eat. And I am a great cook. Not boasting, just stating the fact. So telling myself no to a second or third helping has been difficult. I've finally started eating smaller portions. I'm talking really small. And that has helped. I keep baking to a bare minimum and usually only when I'm feeling upset about something. But when I look in the mirror, I don't see beauty in myself anymore. I see a plain, old, Mom. A woman who has lost a lot of fights and just doesn't care much these days. 

I'm broken. Physically speaking, I'm worn down. Most of this is just because my back is falling apart. Literally. And it has affected me in ways that I can't stand myself for. There is nothing I could have done to change this. No precautions I could have foreseen to take. It happens. After 3 surgeries while growing up, the true side effects kicked in and reared their ugly heads. So a word from the wise on a child that grew up with scoliosis - do everything you can to avoid surgery. And if you must allow a child to have surgery, keep watch on the slow progression of damage that comes after. Took 15 years to reach the breaking point for me. And once it did, my life felt ripped apart. Sacrifices are normal. A normal part of achieving ultimate goals. Doesn't make it easy though. This week, I was cooking and had the radio playing. One of my favorite songs came on so I started dancing to it. My body said no. Pain struck and the dance came to an abrupt end. Talk about being a downer. 
I can't provide financially for my family. My family means everything to me. And I would do everything possible to provide them the best I can in life. These days, my biggest wish is that the bills are paid in full and on time. So far, we have done this. This months bills are looking shaky. At least in my short line of sight. But there are times when I wish we could afford the extras. This month is my older daughters birthday. She is turning 6. I asked my husband what we will get her for her birthday. You can only imagine how my heart dropped when he reminded me that we just can't afford anything. And he had no ideas as far as something I could just make with what supplies I have on hand. Which made two of us. This reminded me that we have fallen so far from where we were when I had a job. That after being laid off, I have been unable to get another job due to my deteriorating health. I feel as though I should be able to do more. That I should not have to watch us accepting help and feel as though I'm just burden to others. How often have we talked about someone we knew as being a "burden to society". Well, I feel like that phrase may as well apply to me. What can I possibly give back to anyone to make my existence worth something? My family deserves better. I let my mind wander down a dark path where the thought of whether my husband still had a life insurance policy on me or not gave me bad ideas. Let me get something straight - I have never been able to take my life, no matter how bad things have gotten. And I have made a promise that I won't ever try. Doesn't mean that the thought doesn't cross my mind as a solution. 

Are my dreams worthless? This is a constant battle these days. I've given up on the dream of buying a house, setting down roots and trying to build connections nearby. As much as I would love to, it just isn't feasible. My husband has about two more years in college. Which means we have to stay close to his university in the meantime. And that he will be stuck in the job he has until he gets his degree. And that sucks. But we both know we don't want to buy a house around where we are or in the areas around his school and work. We want to go further north towards his family. And if things don't go the way we are hoping with my assistance requests, we might end up somewhere much smaller. Something I brought to my husbands attention with this, is that maybe we should get rid of the collections we have. Sell everything we hold dear but could live without and go true minimalist out of necessity. He doesn't feel we are at that point just yet, which is good. I don't want to get there if we can avoid it. But the dreams I had seem so far away that I fear we may never be able to reach them. And there are moments when I get a little cynical at his comments of needing me around to be "traveling companion" later in life. Or when we say "one day" and "eventually". These phrases, when paired with a dream leave a bitter taste in my mind. 

2 Timothy 3:12 Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution. 
How do others see me? This one is probably the worst. This is when I imagine what others are thinking about our family, even if they are probably not anywhere near as cruel in their thoughts. If you are truly honest and give thought to it, how many times have you looked at someone and decided what their life must be? Let me give you an example. A woman goes through the checkout line. She has a cart full of grocery items. She's carrying one baby on her hip, has 1-3 others in tow around her. Her nails are newly done. She's wearing name brand clothing. Her kids don't look as tidy though. Her kids are not her priority. And she swipes a Food Stamps card to pay for the food. But pulls out a wad of cash for anything else. What does your mind tell you about her? Shall I tell you? She's a welfare recipient. She puts everything into herself and pops out kids from multiple dads. Probably divorced, if she was ever married at all. If you looked in those bags, most of the foods are probably microwavable or quick fix foods. Why? She doesn't like to or know how to cook. My mind screams - useless, drain on society. I've known women like her. Complain about how life has done them wrong, but wouldn't lift their expensively-manicured fingers to change it. If you follow them to the parking lot, most are driving new cars. Big SUV's. Shiny and new. Or if they fall in the "trash" spectrum, a piece of crap car that looks as neglected as her kids. Again, her money is more for her looks than anything else. She probably lives in a ghetto trailer on the wrong side of town. Why? Because it's cheap and keeps more money in her pockets. Now be honest, how many of you imagined the same kind of person at one time or other? Well, guess what? I feel as though people look at me the same way. I don't have fancy manicures. Never had my nails professionally done at all. I don't wear name brands unless someone gave them to me or I found them at a yard sale or a thrift store. I don't care about looks besides wanting to be thinner in the belly department. I don't wear make up unless it is for pictures or a special event/holiday. But when I pull out our Food Stamps card, I feel like I'm being judged. I have my 4 kids around me. Probably can't tell that there have been more than one dad in the picture, but my mind throws that in my face. You don't have to. If you catch me unloading them from my van... well, it must be quite the sight. My front bumper is half torn off. I don't wash the van often so it usually has a thick layer of dust on it. I put my hair in Pippy Longstocking braids. Okay, no they don't stick out like that... they lay on either side of my neck. My older daughter picks her own clothes and doesn't listen to my advice on what really matches. My boys throw on whatever suits their fancy, which has sometimes been... adventurous. And I haven't been putting shorts on the baby to help her stay cool in this heat. So a t-shirt and diaper is the extent for that one. Oh, yeah. I probably look like "trailer trash". I've seen the eye rolls. The impatient drumming of the fingers. Loud sighs. Narrowing eyes. And even if they don't act like this when I use the WIC card and then the SNAP card, I will be imagining they are. Why? Because I'm already so embarrassed that I can't look anyone in the eye. 

We are a new level of BROKE. I don't need anyone to laugh at my misfortunes. I do that already. And it is not a cheerful laugh. I can't afford to shop at the dollar store. Don't even have a dollar to my name. So my mind lines up the judgement when someone makes a suggestion on things that should help us. And it pretty much starts with, "You are so pathetic...", but is always directed towards myself. I feel as though I obviously have not done enough in others' eyes. I have not tried hard enough to make something of myself. I must have given up along the way. Or when I tell them that I am broke, they probably laugh. I mean after all, being "broke" usually means you can't eat out more than twice a month and even then - only from the Dollar Menu. Well, I'm more broke that than. We are so broke that we don't eat out at all. All food comes from food stamps. Every penny gets saved and cashed in for bills. No cable, no Netflix and now not even Xbox Live. We keep the thermostat at 78. Always. I sweat without stepping outside. We don't run the dishwasher unless I've cooked a big meal and have a full machine worth of dirty dishes. Oh, yes. I'm BROKE. It is what it is. And everything that isn't food goes to the credit card. We have had help from family, of which I'm truly thankful for, but I also feel that I am going farther and farther into debt.

Finding peace in all this is hard. There is no sugar coating this. I get absolutely miserable. As I mentioned before, I have dark thoughts. Especially when I have pain to remind me why we are in this boat. I loathe myself. I hate my body with a vengeance. I feel trapped. And as they say, there is the fight or flight moments. When I work on my blogging and writing - I'm fighting the darkness. When I don't - I'm looking for "flight" options. I write letters from time to time to help ease through my emotions and get my mind off the negative things. I keep a journal when I'm in the deepest hurt. But it is not always enough. So I've picked up a couple of the projects I laid aside. 
Keeping busy banishes the heaviness. I'm not the best crafter, but there are some things I've taken up to keep my mind preoccupied. My Mom sent me some amazing, old goggles and glasses. They are perfect for my steampunk goggle designs. So I'm going to work at making two pairs; one for my husband and one for me. Since we can't afford a gift for my little girl, I had to dig deep to find something I can make her. My Mom had sent her two sets of letters that spell out her name and hang on the wall. She wanted the glittery ones at first, so I put aside the plain white ones. Now, I pulled them out and have added some hand painted touches. They will go nicely with her changing decor in her room. You see, she's growing up. As much as she's a diva, she wants her room to reflect more of the lady and princesses that are more elegant. We have moved past the Disney look of old. So the pearl-trimmed mirror and now these letters are the start of something beautiful. Something that she and I can agree on. And something that will keep me busy when I need to be more than ever before. 
In addition to keeping busy, I will spend more time seeking God and the plan He has for me. 

Ecclesiastes 5:18 Behold that which I have seen: it is good and comely for one to eat and to drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labour that he taketh under the sun all the days of his life, which God giveth him; for it is his portion.

Friday, July 27, 2018

Lead a Child in the Way They Should Go

Today I came to a strong realization of the reality I face. 

My boys are hitting puberty! 

Oh, yes. I know we are there. Not physically. That's something I told them to tell Daddy. I can't help with any of those things. Not really. But mentally. Yes, I can go there with them on the changes that are affecting how they think and act. Today was just further proof. 

I got up and got to work as is my usual. As I'm cleaning the kitchen mess, my oldest son comes up and starts talking about his hair. Then my other son chimes in. It was time to cut their hair again, but now they are wanting to get fancy... Now they are talking about how they want to cut it in various sizes and they want to make it spiky. Sadly, I don't have gel, so I'm off the hook with talking spikes. Normally, I just give them a buzz cut or maybe a little more military style with it shaved close on the sides and back and slightly longer on top. So today's hair cutting took a lot longer than it normally does. We experimented with the lengths until they had what they wanted. It is still shorter on the sides and back while longer on top, but it is the lengths they wanted. Now we just have to get better with the showers that come after as both boys had bits of hair all over their necks, ears and foreheads after they said they were all "clean". 

Then there is the talking about girls. My boys are heart breakers. Oldest has brown hair and green eyes. Younger one is blonde with blue eyes. Both are tall and lean for their ages. But their personality speaks volumes. My older son is outgoing. He loves talking. Loves people. You mention girls, though... let's just say he gives a tomato a run for the money in how red he can get. And, oh boy, does he giggle nervously! But even so, he asks a lot of questions. A lot of, well, deep questions. He wants to know everything. My younger son is the opposite. Shy, but very intelligent. He doesn't speak out often, but when he does, it is often a dropped mic moment with stunned faces around him. For my husband and I, it has been challenging. We let them tell us what they think and then correct where needed. We elaborate as much as they ask us to. But on their level. Which is why the sex talk has already happened. For all three of our older children. (Yes, the 5 year old was right there asking too.) Besides, they all talk on an equal level among themselves. So even if we had only talked to the boys, it would not have been long before they told their sister all about it. 
Now we are having other serious conversations. Not just about how sex affects life, but about how choices have consequences. How treating others makes or breaks relationships. For my sons, I have decided to raise them with chivalry being a characteristic to hold on to. I am a traditional woman. I want my husband to open doors for me. I will stand outside the van and wait for him to open the door for me to get in. I let him get the heavier bags when we go to the store. I walk on the inside of the sidewalk and he takes the side closer to the street. If he offers me the last seat available, most likely I will accept with a smile and a thank you. I often take his arm as we walk side by side. Not always from need, but because I just like to. He holds the umbrella and does his best to make sure it covers me most of all. I couldn't care less about the feminists out there who protest such treatments. Do you, honey - but ain't no way I want my husband to stop treating me like his queen. And in respect for how he treats me, I treat him as my king. He has earned that respect. Only four men I have met in my lifetime who have done such for me. And that is what I'm teaching my sons. I have already told them that a girl who gets mad at them for doing something nice for her, isn't the kind of girl they should want to be around. Say what you want, but what it boils down to is not about female power and equality. There is a time and a place for that. Like getting paid equally to any man in the same job. Being able to vote. Having equal opportunities. I'm all for it. But that does not mean that we should give up the joy of having a door held open for us. Let's say I was not into a chivalrous man. What about this - you don't know where other hands have been that have touched door handles before you. Ever think about that? So why not allow a gentleman to do it for you? Do you really want to stand on the bus when all seats are taken, just for the sake of your pride? Heck no! A man offers his seat, I'll accept it gladly. Why? I appreciate the kind gesture. 
And yes, we do need to know the difference between flirting and a kind act...

As parents, we have a responsibility in raising our children to be better. Manners are the base. Respect is going a step further. Kindness and generosity should be given freely. But for our sons, they need to know how to treat a woman. And our daughters need to be shown how they should expect to be treated. I don't want my daughters to end up in the clutches of an abusive jerk. I want her to have respect. I want her to feel as though she is loved above any other, and always will be. Call me overly optimistic, if you please, but I think it is a noble goal. My first marriage crashed and burned much like my first, second and third dating trials. I've learned what I can handle and what I absolutely won't stand for. I am teaching my kids to figure these out too. Know what you want from a relationship, but be prepared to give in return and in equal. In a way, it all goes back to the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. When did we part ways from this? And when did we forget to raise our standards and expect better?