Tuesday, April 3, 2018

I Just Can't Odd

I saw a friends meme post that said, "I can't even". At this moment, that is me too. I just can't even. Well, actually, I can't odd, but that is something else altogether. (Any one else out there have trouble with odd numbers?!)

Every day that goes by, I feel as though I am losing the fight to hold on against this body. I am losing the little strength I had stored up. Even simple 10 minute workouts drain me entirely. I find myself slipping - physically and mentally. I have a goal though. I have a plan. I have kids. Like my 5 year old who wrote this during one of my "episodes".
I was in the middle of helping the kids with homework when my head and neck decided to shut me out. I ended up on the couch and couldn't seem to focus well enough. She brought me this note and gave me a hug. I can't tell you how much it pulled at me. 

Later, she gave me another one. This one, she said, was to bring a smile back to my face.
I am to look at it every time I feel sad or hurt. Any time I need a smile, this should make me happy. Oh to have the sweet innocence and intuitive mind that they have at that age, again.

Today I came too close to losing. To shutting down and out. To letting this body win against my will and drop. Inside, I am a boiling rage. Outside... I'm a limp noodle. Just 10 minutes of not even doing the full workout and my head was throbbing. My neck had shooting pains near the base of my skull. And I felt like I was burning up. And here is the real kicker - we were doing leg workouts today. Sometimes these feelings make me want to give up this battle. But I have to remind myself that someone else is counting on me. And that I have a God to lean on. I might have to take a break. Maybe I won't be able to keep up with my kids every time. But isn't that just how it is? We do the best we can and leave the rest up to God. 

So if you are in the same boat as I, just remember, you don't have to always win. But don't give up. Take it easy and let things be. But don't back down when they are depending on you. We have a job to do, as parents. And we can't let our bodies hold us back all the time. Be strong and good luck!

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Texas Roadhouse Restaurant in Live Oak, Texas Review

I was incredibly pleased that my family made the journey to visit us all the way from Florida. I knew ahead of time that I would have a short visit with them as they had other places to go in Texas and only a week for their vacation. We decided to keep plans simple. After all, they had just driven roughly 18-20 hours through 5 states to get here. They were not wanting to spend too much time in the van. In addition to this, we wanted to make memories. It is not often that we have this chance, so lets not waste it, right? A couple conversations with my Mom let me know that they wanted to go out to dinner once while here. So we started talking restaurants. 

The criteria were simple:
  • It had to have seating for all 15 of us. My parents brought 7 of my siblings with them. Plus with my husband and I, we had 4 kids. That alone limits our choices. 
  • No fast food. We wanted a decent meal. To not have to make or clean up ourselves. 
  • Family-friendly. This was very important to us. We are a big family. And a close one to boot. That is why Hooter's was off the menu. We didn't need a place filled with serving girls scantily clad and big breasted. 
  • Somewhere in the area that we live and have been to. We did not want to drive far and wanted to pick somewhere we had a good knowledge of. My husband and I had gone at the end of January, with the baby, for my birthday. Looking back, we had a great experience because it was so few people and that is what this place can handle. 
 I laid out some options. I told them to check online if they were not sure about a place on the list and let me know what they wanted. When they were finally here, I verbalized the list and asked what they were feeling. My brother and dad wanted Texas Roadhouse. I thought, "Cool! I can call ahead and reserve a table." It would be perfect as we had 15 people to seat. And they had good food the last time we went. At this time, it was 4:15 in the afternoon. They were still on Florida time, so it was close to when they would normally be having dinner. I called and listened to option 2 on their phone menu. It spoke about Call Ahead Seating, which is what I saw a sign for the last time we went. Now in my mind, I was thinking we could hold a table for our arrival. This is not what they mean. You call in, give them your name and the number of people in your group and they add you to the list of those waiting for a table. Alright, I can handle that. So I had to call them back to choose option 3 and talk to someone there. I told them I wanted the Call Ahead Seating for 15 people. "Oh no, we don't do that many. You can be put on the waiting list for no more than 7-10 people. And that wait is already 30-45 minutes." So what do we do with 15 people? "You have to be here in person to add your name to the list. Everyone in your group has to be present. And the wait for a table that size is an hour to hour and half. But that is only my guess. The manager has to tell you what the wait is for that many people really is when you are here." 

Okay... So I presented what I was told to my parents and asked what they wanted to do. My Dad said he wanted to still give it a chance. We all loaded into their 15 passenger rental van and drove to the Texas Roadhouse. My Dad managed to squeeze it into a spot like a pro. We tumbled out and headed in. At the door, there were waiting groups of people. The wait for the average group of 3-5 people was 30-45 minutes by this time (4:53). We put in my name, number of people, got a buzzer and a slip of paper. They told me it was 1 hour wait time. On the paper, she wrote 1 hour to 1 hour and 10 minutes. And we started the wait process. The kids were patient, but very verbal about being hungry. People came and went. At 6:03, we still had not been buzzed. My Mom and I went to the counter and asked the status, while showing that we had been waiting the quoted time already. The girls at the counter and the hostess's spent more time talking amongst themselves, than they did with us. They told us that they were cashing out the table that was to be ours and it would be soon. In an effort to speed things along, I asked for a menu so we could decide what everyone wanted. This way, when we got a table, we would be ready to rock and roll and get our food faster. Cooking for 15 people just might take them another hour after all! Another 10-15 minutes and we have our choices ready. Still no call for us to get our table. We go back to the front desk. This time, it is evident that the girl behind the desk doesn't want to deal with us. We asked for an update and asked if we can put in our order so that the food would arrive at the table shortly after we did or about the same time. Remember, we have been waiting a long time. We have a lot of hungry kids with us. Obviously, we are invested in eating at this place. "No, you can't order until you are seated at the table." Okay, well how long will that take? "I will call for an update." We stand at the counter, waiting. "Sure, you can stand there and wait while I get an update for you." Excuse me? Since when do you think I need your permission to stand and wait for you to tell me when I will get to sit at a table? Since when do you think that your responses are going to make this experience better for your customers? Just remember that we pay so that you have a job to come back to every day. 

*just breathe* 

My Mom and I start talking about the poor service, the wait time and the idea that we should probably ask for a manager. We don't care if they hear us. They are talking to each other still and addressing others around us anyhow. Finally, they come back and say that the people have paid, but have not gotten up to leave yet. And obviously, they can't kick out the people at our table. We just have to wait for them to leave. My husband had taken the boys to the bathroom. As she is telling us this, he says, "They are cleaning off the table now." We look at her. "Oh? Um, let me check." 

*mental head slap here*

"We are preparing your table now. Is everyone ready?" Well, duh! Would I have been bugging you about the table for the past 20 minutes otherwise? 

She picks out the hostess for us and tells us to follow the other girl. We do. About 5 minutes later, the waitress assigned to our table shows up. Mom has the menu with all our choices ready to go. We order drinks and she fires off the food choices. The waitress leaves and we dig into the bread rolls as though we haven't eaten in days. My baby girl ate about 3-4 by herself. My Mom doesn't want the kids having more than 1 each or they won't eat their dinner. About 10 minutes later, she comes back with drinks. My husband had ordered the peach sweet tea, she brought him a raspberry tea. In our frustration with everything so far, he decided to just drink it. Even though he doesn't like raspberry. Another 10 minutes or so, she comes back to say that they don't have bacon (which was part of what I had ordered). I look at the menu and struggle to decide on what other meal to pick. I settled for the first thing I thought would be good. A good waitress does what she did. A great one would have made suggestions on something else I might want to try. She takes my replacement order and goes away again. A few minutes later she stops by to offer refills. Another 10-15 minutes goes by and she comes back to say they did not have enough of the kids macaroni and cheese dishes available. So we have to decide which child is giving up their dinner choice and what are they willing to eat instead? Seriously people... This is where communication from kitchen to wait staff is critical. I had to step away to change the baby, twice, while the waitress stopped by the table. The second time was while she was delivering our plates. My son had ordered the kids' cheeseburgers by mistake. As I was not sitting near him, he complained about the cheese. Had I known what he had ordered, I would have reminded him that he liked hamburgers, not cheeseburgers. So his plate got sent back before I could respond and while I was gone. 

This whole time, we had not heard from the manager about any of the complaints we voiced in the ears of our waitress or the front staff. Which, to me, is another sign of how this place ranks ghetto in my book. Managers should know when they have unhappy people in their building when its in the food industry. Word of mouth and real people reviews can do a lot of damage to a restaurant business. It was only when my sons plate was sent back, that the manager came out to apologize for the wrong order and offer a discount on our total check. I was changing the baby while this happened. Otherwise, the manager would have heard a lot more. 

My husband looked over the silverware (as we always do). There were more sets than we needed on our table. Which turned out to be good for us as 3 out of the 5 we opened had food residue on them. See the below picture to know what I mean. 

The napkin on my set was ripping up all along the edges. Again, I took pictures. 
Texas Roadhouse is not cheap. Most of our plates ranged from $11-20 each. You do the math when you are buying for 15 people and only 5-6 are children's plates. It is a hefty bill. And after the long wait, after the rude front desk service and a waitress who didn't know what they had and what they didn't.... I was very disappointed. We got $25 off. So roughly 2 free dinners. And an experience that will keep me from ever wanting to go back. If you are going for date night and it is just you with 1-2 other people, you might have a good time. But I do not suggest this place for a family or large group.  

Texas Roadhouse
13830 Interstate 35 Frontage Rd
Live Oak, TX 78233

Friday, March 23, 2018

Making Conscious Decisions

No matter how well I think I have things planned out, I still get my dates mixed up from time to time. I did just that this week. I thought for sure it was the Monday that I was supposed to find out if I qualified for Care Link. It is the program for poor folks in Bexar county to get financial health assistance. We got up, got ready and were there early. In the back of my mind, I felt a nagging. More like a worry that I wouldn't get approval. We finally go in about 10 minutes earlier than I thought my scheduled appointment was. Told the receptionist my name. After a couple minutes, I was worrying that I hadn't truly been scheduled in. Then he finally told me that I had an appointment, but that it was next week. Not today. Talk about a mental head slap....

So I have another week to wait. I'm telling myself that it is building my strength and patience. My pains and the dizzy feelings are a daily annoyance. Especially as they strike randomly and very often when I'm sitting. It has made things difficult. My husband now does the all the driving. I have come to the decision that unless absolutely necessary, I will not risk being behind the wheel any more. I won't put myself, my family or anyone else in danger.
This type of decision does not usually get presented until a person has aged considerably and is approached by those who love them most. So it is not easily confronted by me. Just like an 80 year old woman who desperately clings to her independence, I do not like being restricted to my husbands schedule as to when I can go out. I want to be free. But at the same time, I'm very conscientious to what my actions might do to others. After all, how can I risk driving when I never know when I will get dizzy and possibly pass out. Our continual prayer is that I will soon start treatment and be back to my normal self. That I will be able to return to normal activities. 

Another decision I have made is that I will work out every day. Pain or no pain. I am currently 40 pounds over my proper weight (I've gained 10 pounds since January). I have devised a schedule that enables me to have morning devotions while feeding the baby. This is followed by cleaning up the baby and kitchen area. Once she is settled, I do my workout. I don't have the strength to do my husbands P90X or 10 minute intense workout sessions. So I'm keeping to my own pace. Don't get me wrong, I still break a sweat. I still get my heart rate up. And that is what matters in the end. Also, don't think I am giving place to vanity. Sure, I have a flabby stomach. But I have been pregnant 4 times. I have a Mom bod. Anyone who can't handle it can take a hike. On the other hand, I also have a weakened spine that is crumbling. Which means that I can't be carrying all these extra pounds. And I'm secretly hoping that this will build strength as I go. On top of my daily workout in the morning, I have decided to add in other things. I do squats while brushing my teeth. Maybe 25 jumping jacks before bed. Little workouts like these spread out, can have a huge impact. And make me feel a little better about myself. 

If you are struggling with something this far into the new year, might I suggest that you take it one day at a time? We don't change as quickly as we want. Things don't always happen the way we want them to. And sometimes a hard choice has to be made. But if you take one step after another, one day after the other and get through it like clockwork - it gets so much easier to see a big picture. Here is to the hope that one day I will be able to return to my normal way of being. Until then, I will do what I can to protect those I care about as well as those I have never met.

Friday, March 16, 2018

Spring Break Shenanagins

Last weekend, I had thought up some great things we could do to fill up the spring break week. My kids and husband were all out of school. But that doesn't mean that there would be a lot of relaxing going on. While we can't afford to go to any parks or take a mini vacation, we had talked about doing other outdoor things. We have a rocket we could shoot off. We have drones to fly. There are free parks with trails we wanted to walk. We had a family picture that was in the works too. Granted, we also had things we needed to do. Like grocery shopping. And changing the van oil. Mowing the lawn... Not the most fun, but in need of doing. 

Monday came around. We made it to the store. Couldn't get the lawn mower to start and the weed eater was out of string. But that is where doing things ended. I spent most of the day curled up in bed. I had shooting pains through my head, sporadic pains throughout the rest of me and then so much dizziness that I was sick to my stomach. I felt like my pain sensors were on the fritz. And as though I had just gotten off a roller coaster. 

Tuesday we managed to get the family picture done. As soon as we got back home with a tired and teething baby, it all hit me again. This time with my neck so tense that it hurt to move. Once again I ended up in bed. 

Wednesday started off better. We took the kids to a different park. Stage Stop Park is actually really nice and had plenty of choices for the different ages. If you are around the Selma area, I highly suggest it. We stopped by the store to grab ingredients for peanut butter and banana milkshakes. Mmmm we love them so! After getting home, we played some games. I thought I had escaped the torments for a change. I was wrong. As it came time to make dinner, sharp pains plagued my head. My husband once again urged me to sit down and take it easy. His worry has been quite evident. Here's the thing... I don't want to sit on the sidelines of life. Granted, there isn't much I can do until I find out if I am approved for a local assistance program. My oldest son started complaining of pain in his ear after dinner. My baby has been battling fevers. She sleeps randomly and eats on and off. I thought it was due to teething, but as of Wednesday night, I had second thoughts. Her temp was sitting around 100-101 on average.  

Thursday was again unkind, starting around lunch time. But I pulled my wits about me and determined that I would not let it slow me down. We took the kids to shoot off a rocket in a field near our home. They learned how baking soda and vinegar reacts when mixed. Then they wanted us to play tag... My back and neck hurt while my husbands foot threw a fit. We are getting too old for this. After that, I was done. The lightheadedness came in waves for the rest of the evening. 

In an effort to "take it easy", I started painting too. Super relaxing.
We will soon be leaving for my Mother-in-laws and I'm sincerely hoping to keep steady until we return on Sunday. After all, I am not the kind who enjoys it when loved ones watch me in my weak times. I prefer to put on a strong face.

Besides giving my husband stomach ulcers from the stress of seeing me like this (or at least I worry he will end up with them), I think my kids were likely to suffer from cabin fever if we hadn't gotten  out and had fun.We have a few more days for those things we can't do during school days. I want to fill them up as best I can. But I think I will have to take the action down a knot. Really hoping that Monday brings us some good news towards getting healthcare assistance.