Let's get Steampunked!

I’ve mentioned so many times that I love cosplay. I love dressing up. Being a hardcore nerd is the best way for me! I go to comic conventions, comic store events, even some movies are made to dress up for if you go to opening night! I know I wanted to dress up more for Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

And with me, I don’t do store bought costumes unless I modify them. I think the best costumes are the ones you make yourself. The ones you add personalization and characteristics that are specific to you! Make it your own design by adding your own flair and style. Whether you change the characters hair color or add jewelry, there is always something that you can tweak to make it original. I mean, let’s face it, no one likes going to a con when everyone around is in cookie cutter versions of the characters.  

Now if I can start from scratch and build up from just a couple items of regular clothing, I’m definitely going that option. One of the first things I ever had made was a long, hooded cape. I bought the materials and had them shipped to a seamstress I met in eBay who sold me a piece she replicated from the Star Wars movie of that time. To this day, it is one of my all-time favorites. I could build so many costumes around just that one piece.  But enough about that…

Lately, my passion has geared towards steampunk (pun intended). Where the future meets the past, where creativity and functionality clash in a gloriously beautiful mix. Gears, skeleton keys, bronze-stained colors, and your ideas of where the future could take us combine to make some really amazing mixtures. I got a steampunk costume for a review. It is cute. But it is lacking. So I have decided to expand its amazing horizons by creating weapons that would match its genre.

I picked up some Nerf-like weapons and some Rustoleum paints with my boyfriend, who is working on turning his Nerf ax into a zombie-hunting accessory to his Umbrella Corps cosplay.

I also have a couple guns I’m doing for the Lara Croft look I’ve been planning for ages!

And I gotta say, I’m super excited about them so far. Especially after running into a friend of mine who’s dad has a bunch of skeleton keys he might part with…  

My boyfriend and I spent one night starting the modifications.

We aren't done yet, but I'm liking where they are so far.

Gotta love free pancakes!

Took the kids out to IHOP last night.

You can't pass up 3 hot, free pancakes... Although we had to wait 35 minutes to get to a table... But the kids ate and I didn't have to cook or clean up. 

It was completely satisfying. And they will be having another cool special for St. Patrick's day. 

So wear green and get your pancake face on! Don't forget to tip the waitress, be patient with them and have fun. 

The Mask is on

Do you ever feel that every day and every moment needs to be portrayed as going well? That you have to keep up good appearances to the world around you better? That’s my outlook. The world has enough darkness. There is enough pain, hurt, and sadness to go around. So someone has to shine through it all. Someone has to offer that glimpse of joy that makes others smile. I’m not a clown, by any means. I’m the complete opposite actually. I’m not full of jokes. I’m sarcastic. I don’t like people. I like being alone. It doesn’t help me get out of the darkness when I’m alone, but it helps to avoid making it worse when the people who are offering advice or trying to help only make it worse…

You know that saying, “Sometimes the ones who smile the most, are the ones who hurt the most on the inside”? It’s true. They put on a mask and always give off that happy-go-lucky attitude that is expected of them. Do you ever wonder how they do it? Here’s a secret… they sometimes cry themselves to sleep.

When they have a bad day, they try not to include anyone in it. They tell themselves its fine. Everyone has bad days and they all come to an end. They take every task in the queue, one by one, and get through it. Someone smiles at them, they smile back. Someone asks how they are doing, they answer with “doing good, thanks”. And for the most part, no one notices that it is all an act. Why? Why can’t people see through it?! I tell myself that it is because I’ve gotten good at the act. I’ve practiced it so well. Got it down to the last faked laugh. Then I finally collapse at the end of the day and hope for a better day tomorrow. I cry and tell myself to stop being so pathetic. If I slip up and actually talk to someone about what is going, I feel worse. Not only am I feeling bad, but I’m telling someone else and they will probably feel bad. I’m spreading the bad instead of promoting good. I’m burdening them. They can’t do anything about it. They can’t offer anything more than, “It’s going to be okay”, “Just breathe, you got this”, or “It happens, get over it”. That last one is my favorite. Why? It further reminds me I’m sounding like a pathetic whiner. “Cry yourself a river, build yourself a bridge, and get over it.”

Today started off all wrong and has continued to go uphill. Haven’t even hit the crest yet. On the radio, they said today was National “Get Over It” Day. Sorta fits. Tell myself to get over it. Stuff is hitting the fan and I have to suck it up. Put on the big girl panties and throw back. Right? That’s not how I feel inside though. But that’s how I’m trying to look on the outside. I’ve quit answering the text messages. Not talking to anyone on Facebook. I’ve decided to put the walls up and take the battering rams out against the projects I’m faced with. It will be a long day. And I know that eventually it has to end. Until then, I’ll put on the mask. I will be that light in the darkness. I don’t suggest walking towards my light though. Just take it as a beacon of hope through the chaotic seas of the daily grind. If I slip, and the weakness I feel within shows, just act like you didn’t catch it. For the sake of my pride.
Have a great day, folks! It can’t last forever.

“Humility doesn’t mean you think less of yourself, but that you think of yourself less.”

“Humility doesn’t mean you think less of yourself, but that you think of yourself less.” Facing Your Giants

Read that statement again. What does it mean to you?

I’m still reading Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. The latest chapter I’ve finished was on the above point. We get so caught up in ourselves, our doings, in our accomplishments… that we think of ourselves as being higher and mightier than others. Do you ever think you are better than the waitress at your favorite restaurant?  Do you get annoyed with the flight attendant when she takes too long to bring your drink or forgets your blanket? Do you get irate when the cashier makes a mistake on your order? I know I have. I’m in a hurry. Maybe I know how to do their job more efficiently than they do. Maybe I just ran out of patience. And let’s face it, I’m the client. You serve me. My needs come as a priority. Don’t they?

What other ways do I feel superior? Maybe when faced with someone who truly is stupid? Let’s clarify something before I move on from that though… Ignorance is the absence of information. Stupidity is the presence of knowledge but the refusal to use it. Know anyone like that? So let’s say I am forced to interact with them. What’s the attitude I find myself taking? You got it. I’m better than they are. I can do that better than they can.

But what should I be doing? Remembering that I am no better than anyone else would be a great start. That some people are “special” and should be treated as such. I’m not any more than anyone else in this world. I am me. I’ll admit, I am talented. I am intelligent. I won’t boast about it, though. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve argued with friends that I’m nothing special. Its this mindset that I need to stay in. I need to stay humble.

Lucado goes on to say that we should come down to the lower levels with our pride. When we rise too high, we can't hear or see others. We miss what is truly going on because we are too caught up in ourselves. "You'll be amazed what you hear and who you see. And you'll breathe a whole lot easier." You won't be trying to always impress others. You can just be you.

I don't think of myself as being less. I just need to think of myself less.

 

hu·mil·i·ty

[(h)yo͞oˈmilədē]

 

NOUN

1. a modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness.

National Pancake Day!

Today, March 8, 2016, you can get a free short stack of buttermilk pancakes from Ihop! This is from 7 AM to 7 PM.

"Today is the day to get a free short stack of buttermilk pancakes*
between 7 AM and 7 PM at IHOP^®. Then, consider leaving a donation to
Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals^® or other designated local charities.
Together with guests like you, we’ve raised nearly $20 million since 2006—
one free short stack at a time. Now that’s the power of pancakes!"

 

So check it out and feel free to share pictures of it! I'll create a new post if you do with pictures and locations. You can email me at texanmama08 at gmail dot com.



Discouragement is only a state of mind

The sales business world is a fast-paced highway. One that we have to keep up or be left behind on. Whether you are working in an office or working face to face with your customers, you have to keep upbeat and ready to take to the fast lane. I’m used to working one-on-one in person with people. I can handle that with ease. Even though I’m an introvert, I can still find ways to connect and get over my anxiety of strangers.
My job is challenging me to step out of my comfort zone and learn to connect via phone calls and emails. There isn’t a face attached to the name. There isn’t always a voice to that name either. I’m calling complete strangers to talk about my services, but I have to do so in a way that benefits them and not me. Conflicted about this, I do feel. Cold calls are the worse. I’m calling someone who might know nothing about my company. I’m pitching them information about my services. 9/10 times, I don’t even get an answer. I get a voicemail. It’s impersonal, cold - just a machine. How do I tackle this one?! My supervisor and manager have been helpful in assisting me with coaching’s on a great script. Clearly and concisely, I can deliver my points and try to slip in something personal. But still. When you get so many voicemails, you feel like a recording. And then when those who actually answer the calls are saying they have no need for you and know no one else they can refer you to… It gets discouraging. You have to find the will to keep calling. To keep trying. To keep going after cold leads. After about 10 calls, I am ready to quit. According to a recent Dale Carnegie training I took, I have to have a goal. I also need an enemy. A reason to keep pushing forward regardless of what it looks like or what is said about what I do. I have a few tactics. I tell myself that these dead calls could come back fruitful in a month. Or I look at the pictures hanging on my cubicle wall of those I work hard to provide for. I have goals. To own a large enough home for my kids to have their own individual rooms. I plan to be financially independent so that I don’t have to rely on assistance from anyone, but can instead be the one giving to others in need. My enemy? Don’t laugh, but I use my ex-husband as my enemy. I tell myself that I will show him that I don’t need him, his money, and that I will never be some doormat to him ever again.
So back to my title. It’s a state of mind when you feel bogged down. You have to tell yourself you will succeed. That everything you are doing is going to work out for the better. Nothing you put your hands and mind to is failing. It is merely looking for that loophole to success. You can fall into a slump. But you better remind yourself to get up out of that rut and get back to work. Kick yourself in the pants or ask someone you trust to kick you. Otherwise you are bound to fail. Trick your mind into seeing the future you want and push on. Its there for the taking.

Give Grace to those who give you Grief

I’ve been reading Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. My bosses wife and dear friend sent it to me. She knows I have been facing several of my giants in a very intimate way. And she knows that I need encouragement from time to time. I’ve barely gotten into it. It is my go-to on breaks at work or during down time (like when the work system crashes for a while).  But even as little as I have read, I have found such meaningful things to ponder.

The chapter I am reading now is about giving grace to those who give me grief. This is a huge deal in my life right now. My ex-husband, whether he is doing it on purpose or not, gives me so much grief. From being stupid and wrecking every vehicle he drives to putting me down to not lifting a finger for his kids’ needs… It can be so frustrating for me at times. We were married for over seven years before I decided I’d had enough and filed for divorce. I’ve been so relieved by such a choice, despite the strains that come with my decision.

Despite being divorced, however, we came to the agreement that we would stay living together since we were in a lease together and neither of us wanted to pay or break the lease. In hindsight, that was a mistake on my part. So much stress and arguing came after. I’ve bent over backwards for him. Let him call the shots with several of the divorce points, kept him in the loop with what I am doing, was even still doing his laundry and making his dinners. And to him… it was like I was still under his control. If I didn’t hang his shirts straight out the dryer, he yelled at me. If his plate wasn’t made in the fridge when he woke up, he complained. I started dating someone else. And this guy kept telling me to stand up. To stop doing for the ex. Stop letting him use me as his doormat. I made excuses. Let’s face the facts – I’m too nice to even my enemies. I let people walk all over me. I claim that it’s my southern upbringing that drives me to be kind and that my religious upbringing has instilled in me the thought of “turning the other cheek” every time someone does me wrong. We are to forgive 70 x 70 times, right? Does this mean I take abuse every time? No. Does it mean I have never stood up for myself and for others? No. In the past couple of years, I have grown a strong backbone again. I have established my dominate side. I know what I want. I know how to get it. And I’m not letting anyone get in my way anymore. Well… I get in my own way at times, but that is another story.

So getting back into the book, Facing Your Giants. I came across this statement, “Once again, we think about the purveyors of pain in our own lives. It’s one thing to give grace to friends, but to give grace to those who give us grief? Could you? Given a few uninterrupted moments with the Darth Vader of your days, could you imitate David?” (pg. 46)

My Darth Vader, my Saul, my Timothy McVeigh – he destroys my happiness, he seeks to kill my joys in his jealous rage, he blows up my plans for a better future. I can’t begin to count the times that I have thought, why? Why are you like this? Why do you do these things to me? Why are you so evil? I tell him that I don’t care how he feels. I don’t care what happens to him in the future. But I still wash his clothes. I still buy him food. Or grab printer paper when I’m doing my shopping. To some people, I’m too patient. I’m too nice. According to some, I should slip something into his food and drinks. Maybe I should put something on his clothes to give him an uncomfortable feeling. Will I do this? Most likely no. I want to. Not gonna lie. I want him to feel something of what I feel on a daily basis when he is around. But I won’t do anything. Its not me. I smile to my enemies. I might scare them with that smile, but it’s still a smile. The next thing that this passage of the book says is this, “Some people are graced with mercy glands. They secrete forgiveness, never harboring grudges or reciting their hurts.” Call me arrogant, but I think this is me. I don’t hold the past against anyone. I will never hold your mistakes against you when my own haunt me. We are human and our mistakes are how we learn and grow. And I am growing my patience daily with my ex .

There is one thing I want to point out though. Some people think I hold grudges because I cut people off. I block them from my personal life. Well, they are wrong. There is one thing I have learned over the years – forgive as you are forgiven, but don’t stand there and take the same abuse for the rest of your life. That saying “turn the other cheek”, for me, means that you can hurt me once and I will forgive you and let you try again. You can hurt me again once I’ve turned my other cheek to you. But after this second hurt, you will be forgiven and let go. I won’t stand there switching cheeks for continual abuse. You can tell when someone is truly learning from their mistakes. When they genuinely want to change and be the better person. They will do everything they can to never fall into that pattern again. Not everyone is like this. And you have to step up and say enough is enough. You have tried, you have forgiven. Now it is time to move on. And that is what I do. You can keep making your mistakes. But you won’t be making them towards me anymore. I am fiercely loyal to friends and family. I will lay down my life for those I hold dear. Stay on that side of the line and I will be with you until the end. Cross that line and you will lose me forever.

This is who I am. I will show mercy and forgiveness. I will continue to grow and try to be stronger against those that cause me pain. But I promise there will be times when I will be a pushover and someone will use me. It is going to happen. Have patience with me. I’m still just a diamond in the rough. Look past my rocky outside to find the gem inside that shines like ice but is still fragile.