Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

Friday, May 1, 2020

Those Special Moments in a Mom's Life

I recently came across a blog post by a fellow Mom. She talked about things that people just don't understand unless they are Moms. And it really had me laughing. It brought back memories of raising my own children and the way things changed with that. She made a list of 15 Things People Don't Know About Mom Life. The following ones resonated with me.

1. Kids grow fingernails overnight. I feel like they must be sneaking the biotin vitamins from the bathroom or something. Hair and fingernails are constantly needing trimming! 

2. Bath time is a must. Not just so they can get clean, but so that we have a moment to breathe. It is a containment zone. For a least a few minutes, you can maybe clean something or sit down. But this only works when they are old enough to supervise their own bath! 

4. Their spit is whatever. I can't ever forget the look on my husbands face when I shrugged and popped the dirty pacifier in my mouth to clean it off before giving it to our 4th kid. I think he was secretly gagging. But that's just how this goes. They want to share something they are eating or drinking with you, you kinda just go with it. Daddy just doesn't have it in him to be that sharing. 

5. We become butt sniffers. I laughed so hard at this one! It is way too true. We catch a whiff of something and the first reaction we have is to lift the butt to our face to smell. Once they reach the running around age, we graduate to pulling the diaper/undies away to look in at the butt. I would love to hear what some of you non-parents think about this approach! 
6. Personal space? What's that?! We don't seem to notice when this truly begins. We just know that eventually our lap and either seat next to us becomes prize real estate. Fights and arguments break out as to who deserves or who's turn it is to see as close as humanly possible to Mom. Thankfully, they will also do that with Dad. So there is more spaces to go around. Going to the bathroom is now a show, as everyone needs something the moment I duck in one. I've just about given up on shutting the door at all.

8. Hot coffee, or even meals, are a thing of the past. I am now starting to remember what hot meals are like. And once the kids are tucked in, hot chamomile tea is my comfort. But in the beginning, by the time everyone is settled and you are able to stay sitting longer than the span of a single bite, your meal has cooled considerably. 

9. The Mom bun. She prefers the bun. I have a low pony tail. It is basically whatever fast, simple style you can do that keeps the hair out the way and free from grasping fingers. I think my last kid made the low pony tail a must. I don't know what her deal is, but ever since babyhood, she has had a thing for sniffing my hair. Yes, you read that right. She smells my HAIR. Grabs a nice handful and breathes it in. Don't know why. Reminds me of that guy on the Charlie's Angel movie...
And since the scent of Mommy has been so important for her, we actually use my used pillow case to cover her pillow so that she sleeps better.

10. It can be so lonely, despite not being alone. I'm surrounded all day, every day by at least one. And yet, the feeling of loneliness hits hard quite often. It is simply not the same thing as having adult interactions. Conversating with others that are on your level. You start to miss it greatly. I talk to my husband, usually when we do our devotions. Sometimes for 2 hours before I realize it. 

11. That moment when the kids are asleep and the house is clean-ish. It's one of those rare Ahhhh moments. If we had background music to life, it would be an angelic choir. It won't last long, so you savor it before you sleep. But to get there, you have to quickly run through a clean up as soon as they all lay down! 

12. When they are playing nicely, you don't disturb them! Especially right now, when we are locked up at home due to covid-19 closures. Every couple of minutes, I have either someone wanting to tattle on their sibling or someone yelling at the other for something ridiculous. So when they are playing in unison and enjoying each others company, I say nothing. I don't care if I have chores for them to do. I don't care about the toys in the living room. It's bliss for a little while. 

13. We don't always pick what our kids wear. So when you see my kids walking through the store in mismatched clothing or my daughter wearing her tall boots with shorts - just smile and nod. Keep walking, pal. I don't always pick out their clothes. As a matter of a fact, the only time I do is for special family gatherings. When I know we have pictures to take. Aside from that, they all pick their own outfits. Even the 3 year old. Now, I will, however, tell my 7 year old when something is too short to change. My girls aren't allowed to look like skanks in my household. 

15. That moment when the baby falls asleep on you and you commit to not moving. The world is peaceful when the baby sleeps. So you tell yourself that nothing needs doing bad enough to risk waking the child. And you will sit rigidly still, until 1 of 2 things happens. 1. the baby wakes up. Or 2. you fall asleep and slump in the chair with the kid. Done them both! 
So tell me. What parenting moments snuck up on you and changed you without the realization hitting you? Leave me a comment below!

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

When They Love Plants vs Zombies

My son turned 9 this month. And for his birthday, he decided that a Plants vs Zombies party theme was what he wanted. Of course we were 2 weeks from moving day when we started talking about this party of his. I always give them the choice of theme. But why does it have to be PvZ?! This is not in my comfort zone... Still, I do my best to create the party they dream of. Even mid-move! 

Planning starts with invitations. A party needs guests and since we are moving long distance, I had to give him a chance to hang out and socialize with his buddies near here before the move. After that... well, it might be a while before he sees some of them again. If ever. 
After the invitations, I decided to design his birthday cake. We agreed to make it ourselves to save money. But I didn't want to do the same one I had done for my older son. I made him the sunflower one. Fun and easy. Made from a round cake and Twinkies for the petals. No, this time I got a little ambitious. I mean, how hard can it be? 
At first I thought I'd make some characters using marshmallows. That was a mess. I had green fingers to show for it. And a perfect specimen for the show Nailed It. I was aiming for this guy and came out with...
Can't help but laugh. And then try something else! I figured I might have better luck creating paper ones that I can put on the cake using toothpicks instead. When I told the kids, they decided to do it for me! Can't blame them. After all, they saw my first attempt...
I also decided to use Golden Oreo cookies for the sunflowers. And grapes shooting green M&M's for the Pea Shooters. My daughter had some rectangular shaped graham cookies that I turned into headstones.
As for snacks, I thought popcorn, green grapes and watermelon bites would be perfect additions. They fit with the characters from the game. Plus, they are healthier options. Overall, I think it went well. He was thrilled with it all. Some of his friends came and celebrated with him. Quite the happy party!
In the middle, I used mini marshmallows, covered in green frosting to make the "bushes" that are in the game.

Monday, October 29, 2018

FunBites Make Every Bite Fun!

Have you ever noticed that there are some kids who just refuse to eat something if it does not look appealing to them? Doesn't matter what it tastes like, because it is all about presentation. Food often needs to be beautiful for children. Food needs to be fun. Otherwise they turn up their noses and cringe in their seats. FunBites is here to rescue meals! 
*Disclaimer: I received these products free of charge in exchange for my honest review. I was not otherwise paid or endorsed. All opinions expressed are my own.*

I've been through the stages with my kids. Those days of making sandwiches for the kids, but having them beg me to cut it up into halves or triangles. Does it change the sandwich? No. But as soon as I do as they ask, they devour it without hesitation. Why? Kids taste is often initiated by their eyes. If it looks appealing, they are more likely to enjoy it. I actually think a lot of their judgement starts with the eyes. 

But that is not the only reason to love FunBites. These are kid safe. Designed to be safe enough for them to use without cutting themselves. You can get them to help prepare their own food, which makes eating without fussing much more likely. Put everything into bite sizes. Little fingers go to little mouths, so let's make it easier for them eat and less likely they will be cramming too much in at once. Plus, this way they can try many other things in just the right size.

These are BPA free and dishwasher safe (top rack).

How does it work? 
Slide the cutter over the food and shake a little, then slide the popper top over that to push the food out and serve!

Where can you get yours? 

These are available at your local Walmart and via Amazon! Super convenient ways to pick yours up. You can double check to see all the places that have them HERE.

Why do I think you should check them out? 

Whether it is to get your kiddos or grandkids to eat better at home, or to help another parent out, these are super helpful. They make wonderful gifts too. Many colors and styles to choose from. As I showed you, there are Paw Patrol ones for girls and boys, but there are also plain versions that can go either way. They make party trays simple as well! 

Monday, September 17, 2018

Going Without Salt CAN Taste Great!

Going to a low sodium diet has been an eye opening experience to say the least. It was very stressful in the beginning. Looking at all the labels and trying to piece together 3 meals a day without going above 1,200 mg per person. But I think I'm getting into a groove I can follow. For the sake of my boys, I have to. I read all labels now. Every item I would normally buy, I look for a lower sodium version. I search for new recipes. So thankful for Pinterest! 

My first truly low sodium dinner was this fantastic Balsamic Chicken and Veggies meal I found. The kids complained about the asparagus, but who cares? They have to eat more veggies and this was so delicious! As I find more recipes that we love, I'm going to share them with you all. 
Balsamic Chicken and Veggies

1 lb chicken breast tenderloins
10 oz fresh asparagus
1 cup shredded carrots
1 small tomato
2 tbsp Balsamic vinegar
1 tbsp honey
1/4 cup Italian salad dressing
2 tbsp olive oil
1/8 tsp red pepper (optional)
Saute the veggies in the olive oil, together. Get them soft, but a little crisp still. Cook the chicken in the balsamic, honey and Italian dressing until completely done. Mix it all together and simmer for about 5 more minutes. Voila! Dinner is served. No salt needed. I served rice with it. Brown rice is advisable.

Monday, May 21, 2018

Be The Observant Parent, Not the Passive One

Tonight I write of a frightening event that I found out about today. A boy in my sons class brought a knife to school. Second grade. Little boy. With a knife?! What is going on with today's kids?? Since when do kids do these types of things? What was he thinking? This comes right after the kids heard about the Houston high school shooting. And the school sent home a letter in all the kids' backpack that it has been taken care of. Which according to the little boy that is in my sons class and lives across from us, means that the boy was kicked out of school for the rest of the year. Which is a little under 2 weeks. The letter also stated that no one was in danger. Who do you think you are kidding?! A sharp kitchen knife can be just as dangerous as a gun in the wrong hands. Maybe even more so! After all, it's a far less noisy killer. How many kids could have been stabbed before someone realized what was going on?? 

I'm infuriated. I fear for my kids going to school. Maybe I'm overreacting to some parents. I admit to being overprotective. I love my babies and I do everything I can to protect them, while knowing I can't protect them all the time. 

After talking to the parent of the child who clued us in to more of what happened today, she was telling me of a game that is becoming quite popular. Bendy and the Ink Machine. At first glance, it looks a little weird, but okay. Then you read the description and it talks about the character facing his demons. Sounds a little more mature... Then I watched the game play with my husband of the first chapter. My impression? Not worthy of a child's eyes. One room has a cartoon character strapped to a movable table that looks like his chest cavity has been ripped open or something burst out of it. A scary apparition of some sort jumped out and you see this witches circle pentagram on the floor. Sadly, most parents that allow their kids to play this one probably don't even realize what is in it. It is a free download on Steam. Anyone can fake their age on there and get what they are wanting to download. 

I don't believe that video games are the reason there is more violence in the world. Not entirely. Take Minecraft. Yes, you have to kill zombies or creepers or even a giant spider from time to time. But I happily allow my kids to play it and join in their game. It's a building game. And so mild that anyone can play without fear of nightmares. They play Plants vs Zombies too. First person shooter, but it is really plants killing zombies or vice versa depending on which team you want to be on. Mario Kart is racing. Love it! So many games can be played without giving way to anger or hatred. It is the attitude and the upbringing that can lead to more violence than these games. My husband and I love playing Black Ops, 7 Days to Die and Battlefield. Don't see us raging and wanting to kill. 

Parents - pay attention. Don't be the parent that finds out their child has major issues. Not if you can help it. Play an active role in your kids life. You only have one shot. Make it count.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Today is that one day a year, dedicated to honoring and loving the "Mother's" in our life. A day when we remember and are remembered for all the things we do. All the sacrifices we make daily. All the love we pour out for our children. Being a parent is the hardest job on earth. No matter what anyone says. Nothing is more difficult than raising a child. It is more than just feeding, bathing and clothing them. You have to teach them. From the language to the movements, from hygiene to manners, from self esteem to thinking for themselves and thinking of others. You are preparing the next generation for life. And you only have so many years to do it! Some kids stick around well into adulthood. Some take off the moment they reach legal adulthood. Or sooner... There is no instruction manual. You have to play it by ear. While relying on experiences, if you have any. I was the oldest of 10. I was the original test for my parents. I had experience with changing diapers and cooking. I knew some other things, but not how to deal with personality traits. Not the intricate details. Those I had to learn day by day while seeking advice and encouragement from the women in my life who had already been there and done that. It is a lifetime job. Even after your child grows up and moves away. After they start their own journey. They may still return to you for advice, encouragement and guidance. 
Remember those in your life who are Mother's. Moms, Nana's, Aunts - any woman who may have been there to play that role in your life. They are not always the ones related by blood either. One of my "Nana" figures is "adopted". However, she was far better to me than many of those people I was born related to. She was there for me, even in the times I didn't want her advice. Even when I thought I knew it all. She loved me regardless and stuck through the hard times with me. My Mother has been there from day one. She never gave up on me, even when times were so hard that she considered it. She fought for me. She believed in me. I would not be the woman I am today without her. My godmother, my Nana, my Mother and sister-laws, my Nana by marriage - these are all women I look up to in some ways or other. I respect them. I love them. And I'd give them all the world if I could. They each have a life story that has encouraged me in some way. 

Though today is dedicated to Mothers, do not limit your love to just today. Let today be the day you go out of your way more so than any other day, but let every other day still be days you let them know you love them very much. And remember this, they won't always be there. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Friday, March 16, 2018

Spring Break Shenanagins

Last weekend, I had thought up some great things we could do to fill up the spring break week. My kids and husband were all out of school. But that doesn't mean that there would be a lot of relaxing going on. While we can't afford to go to any parks or take a mini vacation, we had talked about doing other outdoor things. We have a rocket we could shoot off. We have drones to fly. There are free parks with trails we wanted to walk. We had a family picture that was in the works too. Granted, we also had things we needed to do. Like grocery shopping. And changing the van oil. Mowing the lawn... Not the most fun, but in need of doing. 

Monday came around. We made it to the store. Couldn't get the lawn mower to start and the weed eater was out of string. But that is where doing things ended. I spent most of the day curled up in bed. I had shooting pains through my head, sporadic pains throughout the rest of me and then so much dizziness that I was sick to my stomach. I felt like my pain sensors were on the fritz. And as though I had just gotten off a roller coaster. 

Tuesday we managed to get the family picture done. As soon as we got back home with a tired and teething baby, it all hit me again. This time with my neck so tense that it hurt to move. Once again I ended up in bed. 

Wednesday started off better. We took the kids to a different park. Stage Stop Park is actually really nice and had plenty of choices for the different ages. If you are around the Selma area, I highly suggest it. We stopped by the store to grab ingredients for peanut butter and banana milkshakes. Mmmm we love them so! After getting home, we played some games. I thought I had escaped the torments for a change. I was wrong. As it came time to make dinner, sharp pains plagued my head. My husband once again urged me to sit down and take it easy. His worry has been quite evident. Here's the thing... I don't want to sit on the sidelines of life. Granted, there isn't much I can do until I find out if I am approved for a local assistance program. My oldest son started complaining of pain in his ear after dinner. My baby has been battling fevers. She sleeps randomly and eats on and off. I thought it was due to teething, but as of Wednesday night, I had second thoughts. Her temp was sitting around 100-101 on average.  

Thursday was again unkind, starting around lunch time. But I pulled my wits about me and determined that I would not let it slow me down. We took the kids to shoot off a rocket in a field near our home. They learned how baking soda and vinegar reacts when mixed. Then they wanted us to play tag... My back and neck hurt while my husbands foot threw a fit. We are getting too old for this. After that, I was done. The lightheadedness came in waves for the rest of the evening. 

In an effort to "take it easy", I started painting too. Super relaxing.
We will soon be leaving for my Mother-in-laws and I'm sincerely hoping to keep steady until we return on Sunday. After all, I am not the kind who enjoys it when loved ones watch me in my weak times. I prefer to put on a strong face.

Besides giving my husband stomach ulcers from the stress of seeing me like this (or at least I worry he will end up with them), I think my kids were likely to suffer from cabin fever if we hadn't gotten  out and had fun.We have a few more days for those things we can't do during school days. I want to fill them up as best I can. But I think I will have to take the action down a knot. Really hoping that Monday brings us some good news towards getting healthcare assistance.

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Holding On

There's something about those moments that you see happening in slow motion, but are unable to stop that make it all seem surreal. It's like watching it happen to someone else. Your mind tells you what you should do, but your reactions are not quick enough.

We were driving home one day earlier this week when it got me. Hit me quite strongly. I was feeling pains throughout the morning. The kinds that I ignore and keep pushing my way through. But on the way home, I happened to run my hand through my hair. Triggered another sensation that I do not often feel. It's like the hair itself in one spot is bruised. I don't know how else to describe it. Touching that spot hurt. Like a bruise. But in the pursuit of knowing more about it, I suppose I pressed too hard. Shortly before arriving home, I was conversing with my husband about the EMS at the nursing home up the street from where we live. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my head and the sudden lightheadedness that I loathe. So sudden and strong was it, that I felt I was losing consciousness. I breathed deeply, willing myself to stay awake. Fighting my body for control. We arrived at home with my husband worrying. I told him that I would be fine. He had to run to the store for me and I needed to get lunch in the oven. I began feeling feverish. My head was still hurting. But I told myself to get things done. After starting everything, I went to lay down upstairs. 


There is a reason I dread laying down. Well, at least when I get like this. It is when I feel the most vulnerable. When the reminder of my weakness is at its highest level. I don't know about you, but laying down is when each ache, every pain and the slightest disturbance within can be felt with the clearest distinction between each sensation. While laying down, I could feel it all. Tingling in my right foot. A pin prick in my left foot. Tension in my neck. Pain in my head. Pulling in my lower back. I could pinpoint each place bothering me all at once. Then the feeling of passing out returned. This, of course, came just as my husband came back. The look in his eyes brought tears to my own. He worries so much. Of course it did not take long before his tears started flowing freely.
It is hard to be strong, but for those of you who are in a similar situation... It is imperative that we stay strong for those we love. By no means is it easy. I fall short in so many ways. But I can't give up. And neither should you. I don't have a special formula to withstand the imbalances of the deformed and injured body. Instead I have prayer. For my good days as well as for my bad days. On my good days, I thank God for the strength to do what needs to be done. On my bad days, I thank God I'm alive for another day and ask for His strength to get through it.

In an attempt to avoid future issues, I have gone proactive. At least one of my sons knows the pass code to my phone and knows that should anything happen to me, he is to immediately contact my husband. I have one more option I will try for getting health care, but at least this way I have faith that my kids will know what to do in an emergency.

Monday, March 5, 2018

When Crap Flies... Literally!

I sit here, in extremely high spirits. I cannot tell you what a day it has been. I woke up feeling that no matter what happened, it would all work out. God is in control. That doesn't mean that I wasn't feeling slightly apprehensive. After all, we had a morning meeting scheduled with a lawyer to deal with some legal issues that involved my ex-husband. Meetings like that always carry a foreboding feeling, no matter how well you think you are prepared for it. Despite my hesitations, the meeting went so well, that I forgot all worries in connection to it. The future has taken on a more glorious hue. 
Of course, after such a morning, my husband and I were enjoying lunch and watching Ocean's Thirteen. That is when my daughter decided to truly let go and walk. She has known how to and has made several steps on her own just fine, but has refused to let go for good. Well, that changed today. She let go and toddled across our bedroom and the living room floors without demanding a hand to hold or seeking furniture to guide her along. At 15 months, it's about time! I'm so proud of her though. Maybe she took her time, but she found her way to her own feet. She is ready to be a little more independent. 

That is when we came to the event that spurred the title for this post. She had a great lunch with us. We had cleaned her up. We had put away the mess. And then happily settled back down for the movie. That's when we noticed the smell. And the grunts. She was being cute and happy, just sitting over on the bottom stair that led up to the second floor. But you could tell she was having some concentrating moments over there. Once she finished, I started the changing process. Grabbed the diaper and wipes, then grabbed her. We got comfy on the floor and I went to work. It was a smelly one. As I finished with the first wipe, I reached for another wipe. That is when she reached down, grabbed the dirty diaper and swung. You know when something crazy happens and it is in slow motion? This was one of those moments. I could hear myself yelling, "Nooooo!" My husbands reaction was similar, though I did not see his face. Probably priceless material there. She swung the diaper and it landed squarely on the side of her head. She had poop on her face and in her hair. I had one leg in my hand and reached to wipe the rest of her bum with my other hand. My husband scooped up the diaper and grabbed her hand closest to him. I finished with her rear and grabbed her remaining free hand. Part of me wanted to gag. I wanted to cry. But I was laughing too hard. My husband was mortified, slightly laughing and over all saying how gross it was. It was an epic moment. And as soon as I get the notebook back from my Mother, I'm writing this story down in her book. I keep a notebook for each of my kids. Stories like this, memories, or even just those life lessons I want my kids to think about as adults are going into these notebooks. This is one memory we won't want to lose!
Happy parenting moments to you all!

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

What a way to start the New Year...

Three days into the new year. A year that I was worried about before today's incident. I am already feeling dread towards the rest of what is to come.
I woke up early this morning with the baby. Before anyone else. After a diaper change and milk cup, she passed out again. I felt the tense pain even then, but at a manageable level. It had has been slowly building for the past couple days. So I didn't think much of it. I laid back down with the baby and my husband. Had to roll onto my side for a bit. Breathing was a bit more painful than it usually is. About an hour or so later, baby girl was ready to get up. I tried to roll over and lift myself up. A sudden, searing pain shot through me. My entire upper right side tensed to the point that I was gasping for breath and unable to move my muscles. I have a high tolerance for pain, but this brought me to tears and had my husband so worried that he threw on clothes and we rushed to the clinic. A clinic that was quite full already. We were there for at least 2 1/2 hours. 

In that time, my muscles slowly stopped with the spasms and release some of the tension. My right arm and hand had become slightly swollen and tingled in the fingertips. I could not look down without pain. I could not lean my head back without it hurting. I couldn't turn my head very much to either side. When I tried to remove my jacket, the spasm came back. I felt like such a hot mess. Not to mention the fact that I hadn't had the chance to brush my teeth, shower, brush my hair or even throw on a bra! So I'm sure I looked as much a mess as I felt... I just wanted it to stop. I pushed at my chest, wanting to pull out the muscles that were causing this pain. And it didn't help that the kids were all ready for lunch. They were sympathetic to understanding that I was hurting, but feeling cabin feverish from being stuck inside and in chairs when the day was finally nice enough to be outside! This was not the way any of us wanted to be spending our day. 
Finally, we saw the doctor. While I had peace of mind that it wasn't going to kill me, I still don't have a solid understanding of what caused it or how to keep it from happening again. The doctor said it most likely has to do with my back problems which are quite extensive. And made it clear that finding a doctor to treat  that would be best. He offered a pain injection and muscle relaxers. As I sit here, the pain is manageable. Not much less than it was when I was sitting across from him. The swelling is gone. I forced myself to move through each painful motion to get circulation flowing better. And then we come to the tension. I took my "little blue pill" of a muscle relaxer he prescribed. Still feeling pretty tight back there. I made the joke that little blue pills were supposed to be for my husband when he gets older. This way, he will be taking those to get firm. I am taking them to loosen up. 
I'm back at square one. In pain and unsure what to do about it. I've reached out to a pain specialist in San Antonio. Tomorrow morning they should be calling me to talk about what options they have for someone like me. No income, cash upfront and no insurance. Let's pray that they are merciful, but have hope to offer. 
And that I will finally move forward in treating the real issues in my spine.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Celebrating Nine Years!

What have I done? I have raised a nine year old geek! And I'm so proud of myself!!! Okay, but seriously... My oldest turned NINE YEARS OLD today!!! Where has the time gone? I feel like just yesterday I was screaming into the doctors face that if he would step a little closer, I'd kick his face in. 

 At 2 years old, always a happy boy.

Giving birth to my oldest rewrote my understanding of pain. I'd take spinal fusions any day in comparison. And the fact that I was also worried about my babies life (that night before he came was very concerning to say the least), only amplified my will to bring him in to this world quickly and safely. I was in labor for 25 hours. I forced them to induce me after having blood clots an inch thick and the size of a half dollar drop out from between my legs the evening before. I freaked out. I thought I was losing my baby even though I was technically full term. They had kept me under observation for 12 hours, though I never saw the doctor during that time. Then they told me to go home. No explanation. Just said I was fine. When I mentioned the blood, they acted like they didn't know what I was talking about and said I was probably losing the blood that pools "down there" since we don't have periods when pregnant. Now, I'm not a doctor. I have no medical training. Maybe they were on the up an up. But in my gut, I felt differently. I told them they had two options. They could send me home and I would stay there the next time I went into labor. I'd have my baby alone in my bath tub and be all the happier for it. OR they could induce me. They chose to induce. Hmm... 
There is a reason women prefer to go naturally and not be induced. It really is the worse pain in the world. You start off good. Then you are slammed by wave after wave of excruciating, ab-tensing painful contractions. I had told myself I was going natural. Its safer. Its healthier. I lived through three spinal fusions. How bad could giving birth be? 
I was dying. GIVE ME THE EPIDURAL! 
You know what the anesthesiologist said? No. I'm not touching you. WHAT?! No epidural for this momma. Ever. My spine is cause for pause with them. One wrong move with that needle and they will paralyze me. So I went ahead. Full steam. Screaming and writhing in agony. With a deaf husband standing at my side, frozen in panic and a face that said, "I did this?" That was the only time I saw repentance in that mans face in all the 7 1/2 years we were married. 
When the time came, the doctor finally came in. I'd been there 24 hours and then some! HE FINALLY WALKED IN! He was a prick. It was time and he strolls in asking how I was. I started screaming with the next contraction to answer his question. He tells me to shut up. "You need to stop screaming and save your breath to push." No, what I need is for you to step a little closer so that my foot can be planted squarely in your face. The nurses wouldn't allow my mother in the room with me either. They said it would be too many people. My mother warned me to let it go. She didn't want the nurses to be ugly to me if I was stubborn about something. I still regret not having her there. Might have made the time go easier. Might not have. But she should have been given that option. 
Then I started bleeding out. I went into shock. No one seemed to notice. I told my husband to cover me with a blanket. Then the doctor says, "You bled out and went into shock a little." No, duh, Sherlock! I couldn't hold my baby. Turns out, I tore. My doctor didn't help ease the baby out as he crowned by massage the passageway. Then, he said that after I tore it wasn't open enough so he needed to cut me open a little more. Talk about wanting to murder my doctor! (He wasn't even MY doctor. He was my doctors husband!) 
I lay there. Crying. Watching them with my newborn across the room. His father was cutting the cord, holding his hand, helping to wipe him off. And I lay there shaking, just watching. It was torture. Then he brings this little bundle to me. And suddenly, the world could've disappeared and it wouldn't have mattered. I felt nothing of the pain anymore. I saw my son. So little. He was the most beautiful sight in all the world. I know every mother says that, but its true for each of us. Everything fades away when you see what you accomplished and hold your baby for the first time. I wasn't able to hold him for a while, but he at least laid next to me. And I was happy. I lay there, happy. The doctor sewed me up, congratulated me, and I never had to see him again. 
At 4 years old, this boy was and still is full of energy!

Fast forward to now. He's in second grade. He can do triple digit math. He LOVES Star Wars. He probably knows it a little better than I do. Great at spelling (chip off the old block!). He's embracing a love for Star Trek as his step father is teaching him how it is better than Star Wars... 
And I could not be more proud. This is my little man. Growing up. Too fast. A lover of people. 

He stole my heart then and he holds it even now.

Friday, September 1, 2017

What did Hurricane Harvey bring you?

Hurricane Harvey brought more than just torrential rains, deadly flooding and loss of personal possessions. For me in particular, it brought a personal image revelation. It showed me how truly selfish I was. 
We left home on Thursday night after reading that Tropical Storm Harvey, had the potential to become a category 4 hurricane. Though we are a few hours from the coast, I know how far such a big storm can reach. Our area is known to flood. And with all the power line work going on, loss of power seemed inevitable.

To be honest, we didn't even know there was a storm coming until that day. We don't have cable, we aren't checking local headlines daily, and we don't go to Facebook to get updated. My husband heard about it at a meeting just before leaving work in the morning. I heard more about it from a quick radio snip. 

So while sitting at my in-laws house in Waco the next day, I felt quite foolish. We "prepared" for the storm with the intention of staying home to ride it out. As a Florida-raised lady, I have seen my fair share of storms. I laugh at native Texans who can't handle the light showers we get from time to time. So I figured we would be fine. Sure, we might get flooded in. But that's why I bought water, diapers, and food. Yes, we would most likely lose power. That's why I made the kids eat refrigerated foods during the day and bought non perishables to eat when the time came. I put towels against the base of the back door where I was sure water would come in. I started washing all the clothes and keeping the dishes cleaned up so that I wouldn't have them pile up if we lost power. I bought paper plates and cutlery as well. 

But the biggest things I invested in were the portable butane grill so that we could cook little things without electricity. I bought flashlights too, to help the kids while making sure we had our candles ready. I'm thankful I had money in my savings for emergencies like this. But now it seemed like a waste. As my husband said, however, we will be ready for the next time. 

Why did I prepare if we were just going to flee to Waco? We were checking the updates and seeing that the storm was building strength. It was to become a category 3 with potential to be a category 4. I know what that means. It means strong winds. It means torrential rains. For my husband, it seemed like the best option to play it safe and travel North. Put just a little more distance between us and the coast. I can agree that his logic in doing so was sound. 

So I shouldn't feel so bummed out, right? After all, our family is safe. And yet... I almost wished we were back home. I have laundry that needed to be done. I had a craft to finish. I had blogging to work on. I wanted some game time on 7 Days to Die with my husband. Or even on our family Minecraft map. Instead, I was trying to keep the kids in line. I was dealing with neck pain and migraines. And I felt bad that we were imposing on the in laws last minute. Don't get me wrong, they had assured us they were happy to have us and that they felt better we were there. 

(Made it back in time for their first day of school on Monday!)

But this wasn't planned. I had plans. Things I wanted to do. I'm human. I'm selfish at times. I have to remind myself that my family comes first. Their safety. Their health. Their happiness. I have to remind myself that I can do the laundry and crafts when we get back and they are asleep. Same goes for the blogging. That video games, while a great chance to bond, aren't important. And when we got home on Sunday, I could be grateful that we were safe. 


A friend recently reminded me of something very important. She told me that we need to put family first, always. Chores can and will be done later. If its not urgent, let it go for a few more minutes. Spend that time with those you love. This is especially true for moms. After all, how many times do we let daily household activities consume our time? How often do we forget that the children we treasure are steadily growing and will soon leave us? My oldest is turning 9 years old in October! NINE YEARS OLD! Where has all that time gone?? I look back through the years of old photos to rebuild the memories of the times past and see so many times I forgot that he was growing up. So much of the time I told him and his siblings that I was busy and "we will see" about whether I can play this game or watch that movie with them. Times I should have taken out just a few minutes to truly enjoy them. 

This storm brought that reminder home. I was so grumpy about going away from home and my plans, that I forgot why we were doing it to begin with. And then, having talked to people in my neighborhood, felt even more foolish as it didn't cause any of the issues we were thinking it would. No power loss or extreme flooding. 

But I look back now and realize that I need to change my way of thinking. I need to be more selfless. I do good deeds. I raise my kids right. I love my family and friends. But do I think of others more than myself? Do I put others before myself on a regular basis? Now that I think about it, no. Not enough anyhow. Do you? 

Prayers for those who dealt more closely with the storm. I've been donating when and how I can. My heart hurts when I see the news of the devastation. I thank God my family was kept safe. Especially when I didn't get to do what I planned.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

And there were lice...

We have had a wonderful summer. Hard to believe it's coming to an end already. Monday is when my kids head back to school. With that being the case, I decided to get in as much fun as we can before then. Today, we went shopping. We did some crafts. And then, we went to the mall. While at the mall, my husband and I noticed our older daughter scratching the mess out of her head. She was really going at it. And when I asked her about it, she replied that part of her head just itched a lot. 

I don't know about you, but I grew up with very long and thick hair. When I was in public school, my hair was touched often by a lot of hands... And I came home with lice often. So often, that my dad even threatened to shave me bald. All of my stuffed toys, even one that I treasured, were tossed out. Bedding was stripped and washed. And I went through the long night of Rid in my hair while my mother combed through it with that sharp, fine-toothed comb. Far too often. My mother said it was about every two weeks. And I hated it! 

So you can imagine the dread I felt when I thought, please don't let it be lice! I told myself that maybe she was just sweaty. Maybe she hasn't been washing her hair too well. Can't shake a Mother's wisdom though. We got home and the purging began right after dinner. 
I started by looking through her hair. If you don't know, the sides of the head close to the ears, slightly above and the base of the head at the neck are the two spots usually affected by lice the most. I checked the base first. And boy was I shocked. She had eggs, or nits, EVERYWHERE! I grabbed the bottle of Rid I had from the last time we had to deal with them and got to work. We boiled water to dip the comb in after each stroke through her hair. They don't like heat. Like serious heat. So washing bedding and drying it in heat kills them on bedding, clothes and stuffed toys. Dipped the brush and combs into boiling water also kills them. Otherwise, they will maintain a tight grip. I call it the death grip. The eggs are attached to strands of hair in the same way. It takes a very fine comb to get them off. That's why you have to use the Rid version that comes with the special shampoo. 

The shampoo has an awful smell and goes on dry hair. You douse every inch of it and rub it onto the scalp. Then you take the comb and go over each hair pulling everything out. 
I think it took me at least 2 hours. Plus, I had to cut her beautiful hair. She had long locks that went down to the bottom of her back. Now her hair is right at her shoulders. She looks adorable, but still. As a Mother, I want to spare her from this. I mean, honestly! How did she get them when she hasn't been at school? We haven't been out much. And she is the only one that had them. I checked the boys and the baby. Nothing. I ran the comb through my own hair and only found a ton of dandruff. My scalp is dryer than the Sahara right now... So where is this coming from?? I told her that she must wash her hair. We went over the proper way to wash it (again). I explained the importance of it. And she cried. No one likes having this happen. Her brothers shied away from her when she got close. I helped her wash out the Rid and then I checked her head again. Can you believe that there was more? I had to comb through her locks once again. Pulled out more eggs and more lice. Thus, I started my tasks all over again. 

While dealing with her, I also had a load of her bedding running on the sanitizing option in the wash. I have about 2-3 other loads to follow tomorrow. My boys were cleaning up their room, picking up toys in the living room, and taking turns helping with the baby who was so tired - that she just wanted to scream at us. My husband was trying to get some sleep before work. I have a dishwasher to empty in the morning, a load in the sink needing to be done, and will have to check her hair again. I'll wash it one more time to be sure. It feels like I'm standing before a mountain of chores. All of them needing to be done. And none of them appealing to me right now. The good news is, this is happening before school starts. I would not want to be in this mess during school days... 

A word to the wise, if you see them scratching - get checking! 

Friday, May 26, 2017

A Decision Not Made Lightly

I have been happily divorced for quite some time now. For about 7 ½ years, I battled depression during the physical, mental and verbal abuse that was directed towards myself and my children. I hated waking up. I hated being home. I hated myself. I wanted to spend every moment I could away from him. Even if it meant working long shifts. Even if I wasn’t with my children. I told myself it was better if I wasn’t with them, because while he was there, the volcano was inching closer to exploding. He had a way with getting under my skin. Still does. He makes snide remarks. He comments on things that he has no right to. All the while, trying to offer “advice” or be “helpful”. I have flashbacks of the time he called my mother fat while saying if she wasn’t she could do more and look better. Or the time he said that my parents had too many kids and because of that, they couldn’t have a “fun” life. Its offensive, but we shrugged it off and told him it was wrong to make such statements. After all, he is deaf. He didn’t have someone teaching him manners, tact or social etiquette because no one in his family truly knew Sign Language. How can you hold someone accountable for their actions when they were never taught?
Well, now we are in a new arena. This time, it involves proper care and protection of children. My children. This Friday, his weekend of visitation starts. I dread each time I have to send them to him. I worry the whole time they are gone. Will they come back? Will they be safe? Will he feed them? Will someone kidnap them when he’s not watching? Will he be inappropriate towards my 4 year old daughter? Why do these questions plague my mind? Simple. These are things that I have heard from my kids after being with him. I have video recordings of them telling me about their weekend upon returning to me.

My ex-husband is deaf with no peripheral vision and no night vision. Yet, the state of Texas has given him a license with no more restrictions than he wear normal glasses. Since getting his license, he has wrecked every vehicle he has driven, starting with my van. He even rolled his big truck after falling asleep at the wheel and within about 4-5 hours, they gave him a new one. Tell me where that makes sense. So the worry that he will crash with my kids on board makes me very nervous. He has recently downsized from the big Tundra to a Rav4 SUV. And last time we picked up the kids, we noticed that he had wrecked it. Still has the paper tags! Front and back fenders are both damaged.  
He doesn’t wake up to feed them until he’s good and ready. They complain about starving all morning because he ignores them when they try to wake him up. And when he does feed them, it’s usually an array of junk foods. Last time we picked them up, he told me he can’t afford groceries. He uses a credit card to pay for food. How is that possible when he’s not being forced to make his child support payments? He defrauded the IRS starting in 2014. He defrauded Disability starting in August of 2016. So he owes thousands of dollars to each of them. He got a fancy apartment with a nice garage because, as he told a mutual friend, “my truck is important and needs to be protected”. Great priorities when picking a place to live and have your kids over. When the kids are with him, they sleep in his living room. Boys on the floor, Ana with him on the couch. His only bedroom is used for his great Lego hobby. And then there was the time my daughter came home and told me, “Daddy got in the shower with me. I told him not to, but he didn’t listen.” As a mother, you can imagine where my thoughts went. Especially since I knew what he was capable of. After all, she came from the night he didn’t take no for an answer. She says nothing happened, he says she wanted him there. I try to think of it as a misunderstanding on his part.
He had bought season passes to 6 Flags before finding out he owed so much to so many. And since he feels it would be a waste not to use them, he takes the kids when he has them. Great, except for not having money for food and drinks. Much fun to be had even if he leaves the kids unattended while he rides the coasters they are scared of, right? Or he takes the oldest, at 8, and leaves the 4 year old with her 7 year old brother. What could possibly go wrong? Or how about letting them ride alone together and not meeting them where the ride ended? My daughter got hit in the head and was crying while her oldest brother was freaking out and running to find their dad. But all good, as “nothing bad happen”. That is the response I keep getting from him when I confront him about these things. Even after I point out the dangers. Even after I tell him what this means legally. Nope. Doesn’t matter. I’m just an overprotective, paranoid, crazy ex-wife who ruined his life. He tells the kids that it is my fault we are not a family anymore. And sends me a text of a picture that my daughter drew of the family where daddy and I are together again. My children know that will never happen.
So I stepped up. I won’t put him down. I won’t call him names. I won’t point out his flaws to the kids. I will not be that negative influence that paints a horrible picture of the sperm donor they know as their dad. He is doing that well enough on his own. My oldest son has made it clear that he only goes over there because he wants to play video games and because its his only chance to see his dads side of the family. My middle son has asked if he can stop going over there. I try to avoid that question. My daughter says she goes because he treats her like his favorite and she gets whatever she wants. What am I to do?
I tried talking to him. I tried getting his family to talk to him. I tried reporting him to Child Protective Services. None of those worked. CPS actually mailed me a letter saying that they didn’t think it was worth investigating. So I have now decided that I will fight for full custody. I won’t take any more of this. No more waiting for a phone call that something bad happened. Dreading the day they won’t return. I’m going to fight for them. It was a huge decision. One I kept shoving aside. My emotions were all over the place. My fiancĂ© has told me that God is in control no matter what happens. And I believe him to be right. As a Christian, I know that I have to trust that God is protecting them and that anything that happens is a part of His will. As a mother, I struggle. I am gasping for air. I am swimming against the tide. I’m drowning in the fear of what could happen. All because my attempts to educate him have failed. As my Mother pointed out, how can he know right from wrong when he was never taught to be a parent? In response, who will teach him when he doesn’t want to listen to me?

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Pains of motherhood

Today was the day. The day my younger son went under for a procedure meant to save his hearing. About a month or so ago, we took him in for a hearing check up when he didn't pass the one his pediatrician did. They found that he had a hard build up in front of his ear drums that prevented him from hearing well. His education was suffering as a result. So the specialist recommended that we try to remove the blockage.
As a mother, I balked at the suggestion. Even though it's outpatient, there are risks. But it had to be done.

I didn't put much thought to it until the day of. I wanted to stay positive. He acted a little frightened when we talked about it the night before. His attitude has been a resilient one though. My little trooper! I find I get strength from him. My stomach twists in knots, but I continued to make jokes and offer him encouragement throughout the process of paperwork and questions. We joked about wearing matching bracelets.
And about what food we will eat when we leave. My poor guy hadn't eaten since dinner last night around 5:30 pm. So he was starving!
When we went to the back, we had Nurse Rose. She was so sweet. Gave  me a warm blanket (I'm a popsicle) and gave him some crayons and coloring pages. It definitely helped to ease the passing of time while we waited. While he colored, we talked about the picture and the hospital. It helped me through the process especially. My heart was glad that he wasn't showing signs of anxiety. 

We had to be there at 9:45 AM. Surgery was scheduled at 10:45 AM. They didn't come get him until noon.As a mother, this hurt me. My little guy loves to eat. He is hungry often. And the fact he had to go so long without... I wanted to jump down some throats. But I had to refrain. 
Then the doctor comes by at noon to let us know what will happen. After they take him, it takes roughly 10 minutes for the procedure. Then 30 for the recovery. Allen asked me to set the timer up. So I did. From the time they took him until we were reunited was 56 minutes. Can you imagine how wound up my nerves were?! My mother can. She was texting me while I waited. I had three ear-related surgeries as a child. I also had my tonsils and adenoids removed at age 2. Then I had 3 major spinal operations. Did I stress my mother? You bet. And at least once, my dad cried. Especially when "complications" happened. How many of you parents have heard that word and your heart sank within you? It is a sucker punch, no matter what words follow. Your mind races as you struggle to hear what else they are saying. And that is precisely where I was when the doctor finally came out to talk to me. There were complications in the removal of the blockage. But at last, he had success. Then he tells me they will be coming to get me soon to go back to recovery. Yeah... of course. Fast forwarded to the nurse finally making her way to me, I go back to see my baby still passed out and hooked up to oxygen with a tube down his throat.
Just hit me already. They try to remove the tube, and Allen suddenly has a moment of wakefulness. He jerks upright, eyes wide, gasping and struggling against the nurses. His mouth clamped over the tube, teeth holding it in place. We are all telling him to release his hold and open his mouth. They start pulling on it, trying to pry it out. I stand slightly behind them, hoping he hears me and calms down. Hoping he sees me and knows everything is okay. Part of me chokes. I'm watching my child in his frightened discomfort and I'm helpless to assist him.
This is what mothers do. This is what we live for. Striving to give them the best in life, but watching their moments of dismay, pain, fear. And doing everything we can to help them through it. When we finally got through that, he slowly came to. I got a small wave that reminded me of how a drunk waves. After some apple juice, he regained his voice. His mouth had been dried out and chapped. He wasn't fully smiling and laughing, but he wasn't in pain. They hand over the discharge papers and read over warnings and things to watch for. Bleeding? Dizziness and light-headedness seemed right. Fever and vomiting I understood. But bleeding from his ears?! 
I'm so glad it is over now. That he is done and has been doing exceptionally well all the rest of today. Tomorrow he will go back to school and I look forward to hearing all about it. Because that is what truly makes me happy. Having my babies safe and healthy.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Don't we all love being Mother's?!

Mother's Day is almost upon us. It is that one day every year that is dedicated to showing our love and affection for our moms. Typical ways we do so? Take them to dinner, buy them gifts, send them a card. 

Once a year isn't nearly enough to pour out our love and show them how much we appreciate them. How we are thankful for all they have done. I mean think about it...
We spend 9-10 months growing them and losing our shape. We take anywhere from 6 hours to several days in labor. Then the next 18 years are to grow them into adults. Or just keep them alive. That is a full time job in itself. Because kids are dangerous, little bio-hazard, stunt devils. They collect illnesses like we adults collect comic books or silver grams. They think they can climb walls because Spider-Man does or fly like Super Man. We are constantly chasing them, constantly wiping noses, or admonishing them.  
We wash clothes nearly daily. Dishes multiply almost as soon as you clean the "last" one. Diapers have to be changed. The list goes on. And that's just so they can stay clean and healthy. Then you have things like teaching them to speak. Teaching them manners. Leading them by example to live like upstanding citizens. 

So this Mother's Day, I want you all to take a deep breath and have a moment of peace. Sleep in if you can. Have someone else take care of cooking for a day (if you are able). And remember that someone will one day see everything you are doing and be thankful for it! Hopefully.... 


Happy Mother's Day!

Friday, April 28, 2017

Prosper and live long, you must!

See what I did there? If you didn't, that's okay. Not everyone speaks geek. 

Star Wars Day is on May 4th. Its May the Fourth (be with you), actually. My family had a little help from my dear friend Mary in preparing for this day! She brought over some Lego Star Wars Yoda ear hats. During a moment of bonding with my future nerdlings, we decided to take pictures and be our silly selves together. I also determined it was time for a new couple selfie with my fiance.
While doing so, I noticed that he was wearing his Star Trek shirt (one of them). While I'm wearing my Star Wars shirt (my only one). So when he went to take my picture with the kids, I went ahead and did the Vulcan hand sign we know so well from our beloved Spock. All the while, telling my Trekkie husband-to-be, "Prosper and live long, you must!"
His smile, combined with the laughter of my children, made my afternoon perfect.

Moments like these erase all the worry and fears of life. They are the mountain tops in the path of my life's walk. Tomorrow, I might find myself in a valley once again. And I will look back at this brief glimpse of beauty that will drive me to push harder towards the next wonderful memory. 
Chin up, Moms! This is what true happiness looks like. 
Happy Star Wars Day!