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Wednesday, November 15, 2017

This First Year!

Time certainly flies by. Especially when you have children. You lose track of the hours every day. Then your days go by and you question what you have done all week. Suddenly, a month has passed by, followed by another. And here I am, facing a whole year. You see, my youngest daughter is turning a year on the 19th of this month. Almost a year ago, I was in labor. Thinking I could not do it. Thinking I would fail during childbirth. My husband was my stronghold. He kept telling me how great I was doing. How I was doing it. Just hold a little longer. Childbirth is excruciatingly painful. I went into labor naturally, the night before I was scheduled to be induced anyhow. But, my little bugger still didn't want to come out on her own. It was as though she was putting her arms and legs out to the sides to hold herself in. No matter how hard or long I pushed. No matter how much they upped the dosage of the medicine meant to evict her, she was not coming out. 


Part of me panicked. I had three older children. And I wondered if I could do this. Four kids is a lot these days. I mean, I'm the oldest of 10, but it was different growing up that way. I wasn't the one raising them. I have had a lot of love and support to help though. Family and friends both have been there for us. And here we are, celebrating all those times past. 
She doesn't walk, but she doesn't let that slow her down. She can crawl, pull up and climb stairs. She climbs into my cabinets (after removing their contents). She dances when she hears music that she likes. She loves to get into anything and everything, so we have to take away and hide it all. Thanks to her, I have cleared some of the clutter zones. I had no choice. She loves all things tech-related. Controllers, remotes, phones, computers, TVs, tablets... all of it! Which is great. Her dad is an engineering student. Computers and electronics are his area of expertise. My future nerd might become an engineer after daddy's own heart. 
I might be a stay at home mom, but I am by no means lazy. I do occasional work as an Editor and typist on the side. TV binge watching or being idle don't happen unless I'm too sick, tired or in pain to move. My days are rarely spent on the couch. I have too much else to do. And most of it involves her. 
This week, my Monday was drastically bringing me down. Mondays are a busy day for me. I barely keep up with my days, but Mondays I know what I have laid out for me. I start with laundry. I clean the kitchen (if its not already done). I vacuum if needed, upstairs and down. I catch up with comments on the blog. I decide on what new posts I need to get done during the week. All this, while balancing a very active little girl. She goes where she can, gets into whatever she can reach, and has moments of Mommy Envy. Those moments are when she wants to be held and see what I am doing. I normally keep up with these things without losing my mind. I'll be tired by 5, but its a job I'm equipped for. This past Monday, however, was a little more stressful. She was sick. Stuffy, runny nose, congestion - just plain miserable. Top that with me starting my period for the month... My head hurt. My back hurt. And I was tired before I rolled out of bed. I didn't feel like doing anything. And then, there was the response I was getting from posting a GoFundMe campaign. My husband and I had talked about it. And we figured we had nothing left to lose, so why not try? But then some questions came my way. Some thoughts were tossed into my mind. And, I doubted. As my husband pointed out, I feel wrong taking because I'm a Giver. Its my "gift" (spiritual, for those who know them). I feel worthless, pathetic, lost even, when I'm having to ask for assistance instead of give it. It just isn't me. So I bombarded him with my concerns. I told him the thoughts that were tearing me apart. As usual, he had the answers that I needed to hear. The words that reassured me that I was not anywhere near what I thought of myself at that moment. And he came home with something special to remind me that he still thought I deserved and was better. 


It has made this week go by so much better. I am focused. I am driven. I am ready to embrace the next days challenges. And I'm looking forward to celebrating my baby turning 1! We plan to spend this weekend with my in-laws. We will have an early Thanksgiving Day dinner, followed by birthday cake. My kids are all growing up. And seeing her be a year old, is a huge reminder that I need to slow down a little more. I need to remember this. We all do. Life flies by, when you stop paying attention. Don't ever forget that. Don't lose time, while speeding through it.

2 comments:

  1. My kids have the flu. Yes, this is the 1st year I got them a flu shot and a month later, they have the flu. Gary and I, no shot and no flu. Wow! But as Bekah always says, sharing is caring. She better pray I don't get it next Thursday or they wont be eating a turkey but rather crow.

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    1. That sucks! I hope everyone gets better soon. Love you guys!

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