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Wednesday, November 29, 2017

The Lesson on Curse Words

Yesterday was a typical Monday. Busy with simple things until the kids got home. Then we dove into homework, making dinner, and awaiting my husbands arrival home from school. While I was putting the final touches on dinner, I heard a word that is forbidden in our house. 

Let me just say, that my husband and I don't use curse words. Not unless there is a sudden and extreme pain inflicted. And even then, we usually scream it in our heads or say something else like "mother of fudge" or "freakin A". So, our kids are not likely to say such words without having learned them from an outside source. 

So there I am, cooking. I hear my younger son saying a word while playing a video game.
At first, I thought he was saying beach. Except it was contorted. Then my older son says, "Mom, Allen said a bad word!" I asked Allen and he acknowledged he had, but tried to say he didn't know that b*tch was a bad word. In an effort to keep my cool and get to the bottom of it all, I ask where he heard that word. Of course, he had heard it while visiting my ex husbands house. They were watching YouTube videos of guys playing video games. I also found out that when the guy playing had something unexpected happen or he lost, he would exclaim curse words. So guess what the dinner table conversation was about? You got it, curse words. We had to discuss what they were, what they meant, and why they are inappropriate and will not be tolerated in our home. We covered quite a lot of ground. My kindergartner and second graders all now know that those words are not allowed in their vocabulary. They already knew a couple of them. After all, they had dropped the F bomb on me a few years back after visiting my ex husbands family. Then another word came up after being with the babysitter. Now, they have about 95% of them known. Along with meanings, good and bad. What has the world come to? When did kids so young start hearing such language used around them?
Today, my oldest started asking about a couple other words we hadn't covered yesterday. Apparently, the bus/school bully uses some pretty heavy language. I had to explain what the MF word meant and why we don't say it. (Didn't get into too heavy detail on what the F part actually meant.) And the word A$$ brought up the tally to 95%. Why? Why are kids hearing this regularly? What happened to covering your kids' ears when you had to curse. Who remembers when that happened in the movies? My parents muted certain parts of movies when they knew a curse word was coming or made an extra loud grunting noise to sort of show it was a bad word. Are we conditioning our kids to use the language of adults and expecting they will do so the right way and when acceptable in public? 

My husband and I have become disheartened by the way things are in the world. So much so, that we have been talking about homeschooling the kids. Especially since I'm not working anyhow. We got the bullying situation under control, then were faced with ridiculous homework pages. The information they are teaching the children is not only beyond what he and I learned in school, its pretty useless. And now we have to worry about what they are hearing. And did you hear about the Mom who is facing felony charges because she put a digital recorder in her daughter's backpack to get proof on the bullying? I think that school should be investigated. What could they be hiding that they would call the police on the mom for that?! Thankfully, the school wised up and dropped the charges. 

I just don't know where to go with how things are working out for our children in the public school systems. Things have changed so drastically than when I was in there. It is more and more like a dangerous prison for kids, than an institution of learning. 


What are you thoughts and what are you dealing with? Do you think your kids should (or others') should be allowed to curse if you do?

26 comments:

  1. We swear in our home, we swear up a storm. We swear when we are happy, mad, frustrated and when extreme pain is inflicted. My children and I talk about this frequently. wanting to know who deemed the word a curse word, why they can't say them and just a whole lot of why's. I mean after all they are word right, some found in the bible according to my oldest daughter. Word they hear in songs, from friends, on tv and even in books. So why are they not allowed to say them. Me and husband told them exactly why they can't. It's simple 'Because society deemed it inappropriate for you to say such words, and if you say them it looks poorly on us as parents', That's when the question came into play of who said they were inappropriate. Well that stumped us...Because we don't know decided ultimately why these words are classified this way, I mean with the way slang works these days, and word could now be deemed a course word.

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    1. It is good that you explained it to your children. I never thought to question who decided words like that were not acceptable in society. That is a good question.

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  2. We have had to go over this with our children as well. Many "bad" words are in the Bible. Like ass. And we read the Bible as a family and I tell them they can read the word. What we point out is the attitude behind it that changes the word from being acceptable to a curse. Just like the middle finger is still just a finger, when you point it at someone with the attitude of I hate you behind it then it changes into a bad thing. The word ass means donkey. The word bitch means female dog. We teach this to the kids and ask them why would you call a person a dog or donkey? Now my kids aren't like most kids. They think for themselves. Sometimes people think they are being rude or smarty but they are just thinking out load. I see how intelligent they are. I like my kids can see the difference and speak like they are smart folks. To me cursing makes people look less intelligent and unprofessional. Imagine talking to a doctor whos every other word was FUCK. Or a lawyer who charges $200 an hour says SHIT every other word. Would you hire them? I would not. So yes, they are just words. And yes, our culture is abandoning signs of being smart but we as parents need to decide if this is how we want to raise our kids. If I curse at home, I would not condemn my kids for doing it. If the school was to say they can't, I would go down and ask why? If it is ok for me and it isn't against the law, well they can't make the kids not speak. Anyway, I live by the rule to teach my kids the best I can (and not to be like others is one of that) and I live the example. I have no need to use that language at all so it is easy for me to correct my kids. Cia Black makes a good point, they say these words around their house. It is just a part of their language. So I am sure they are alright with their children doing it as well. It is the new normal for a younger generation.

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    1. We told our kids the same about the attitude and meaning changing based on how it is being used. And I agree, if you speak a certain way, then why not your kids? However, I can also seeing it being a way to degrade yourself in the public eye. It seems less intelligent.

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  3. I don't have kids. I do curse. I am in the military and we cuss up a storm when we want. But not in a proffessional setting. There is a time and a place. Perhaps it makes me look unitelligent, but I know I am not.

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    1. I think in the military, it comes with the territory. I know that we had plenty of time around service men and women and even I used such language in my time during our Sea Cadet boot camps that I served in. But you are right, there is a time and a place. And it doesn't have to be taken as you are unintelligent. The fact you can spell and literate yourself so well, tells me you are educated.

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  4. This is a serious subject of curse words you have covered in your post. I totally agree with no entry of bad words.

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  5. I can imagine the embarrassment of having kids blurt out a curse word in public and people look at you. I think the tips you offered are so beneficial. Great job!

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    1. Been there, done that! It's a hard place to be in.

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  6. Okay, first of all. No, kids should not be allowed to curse like parents. That being said, I am definitely not perfect on that front. I was good when the kids were smaller, but now that their tweens/teens I'm not so great. As for the schools, luckily we're in a good school system. I don't like all of the standardization that's going on system-wide, but the teachers are great and my kids get an excellent education. I thought about home-schooling when my kids were younger, but they're thriving in the public system here.

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    1. It's good you have standards and rules for them. And that you have a good school for them to be in!

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  7. We do not have kids yet but i can understand how important it is to bring your kids up in these times...as parents it is a huge responsibility to raise them in a clean environment..

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  8. Good on you for not wanting them to learn these words. Its inevitable that at some point or other they will but they are so young and innocent, they don't need to grow up any faster than they do. My niece and nephew currently know none and I hope it remains that way as long as possible.

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    1. I agree. I can't hide them from the world and everything bad in it, but I can lay down rules to prevent them from partaking in some of it. And keep them somewhat innocent a little longer.

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  9. I curse. I try to refrain when I'm around my children, but it slips. My kids upon starting school found out what "bad words" were. They would tell ME that I just said a bad word. lol I wanted to know how THEY knew what words were bad words. I ended up telling my kids that there are words that are considered "curse/cuss/bad words" and only grown-ups can say them. When they become grown-ups they can decided whether to use them, but they can never use them in front of their parents. I have no problems with letting my kids know that there is a line between what grown-ups can do and what children who live in my house can do. And they get it. They just make sure to remind me that I don't say those bad words in front of mamaw & papaw (i.e. MY parents. haha) Rules are rules.

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    1. I think that is a great way to approach it with your kids! And I love that rule lol

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  10. I do not have a husband yet and have no children. I think parents always have a very important place to raise children. Children will learn the words and actions that we are doing.

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    1. Yes, they are like sponges - soaking it all in and spitting it back out.

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  11. Its just so important to actually put in the time to explain the importance of these things to kids. If you just tell them that "you can't say that, that's a bad word" and they don't really understand why, they'll just keep saying it.... Educating them is key - children are intelligent and hey understand the rules that we live in as a society and will respect them. We just need to guide them :)

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    1. I agree. It is a parents duty to explain why when informing of the rules. Great point!

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  12. Such an interesting read! I don't have children and honestly I have never thought how I would approach this topic.. You did amazing job! Learnt a lot from your post.

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  13. I'm not yet a parent, but I think the matter of curse words might be one of the most difficult things you have to explain to your children. I can't imagine how I would tell them that curse words should be a no-no.

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