Monday, July 21, 2014

Life can get a little crazy sometimes...

"You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry, and be sure to smell the flowers along the way." ~ Walter Hagen
 
I'm worn thin. Cranking up ACDC, Aerosmith and the like to help me stay awake for the rest of the night. I laugh at songs like Queen's Fat Bottomed Girls. I've got my green pomegranate tea with honey to improve my mood and provide energy.
What led to this? Hmm...
 
Life hasn't gone crazy. But I think I have somewhat. Foremost on my mind is the upcoming promotion that I have homework for. I have to practice for the perfect interview. Yes, if I want to move up I have to be interviewed. I will be driving to another city, another store and be questioned by leaders of that other store. I don't know them, haven't worked with them, will be meeting them for the first time. For me.... its terrifying. I'm not much of a people person. I don't open up to people. I don't trust people. It takes several meetings and learning the things I have in common with you before I will relax completely. But here I am trying to prepare myself for this meeting with them. From what I gather, there are 2-3 interviews in one day. And they rate you on a scale. Absolutely Not, Would be Okay, and Move This One Up ASAP! I have approximately one month to prepare for this day. Yes, the date is set. So I know when my fate will be decided. Just not how. Those who know me, say I've got it in the bag. I want to believe them. But let's not get cocky and count those chickens before they hatch. All it takes is one LOD on a bad day to ruin your dreams. Not to mention the older guy I work with telling me his horror stories of being turned down 3 times for a promotion. And I thought he was ahead of me because of his seniority.  
 
Then there's the fact I have to drive to Austin for this. The city of never ending traffic. Let's hope they picked a time that isn't in the busiest rush hour. It is in a place I'm unfamiliar with. I'm directionally challenged and will be using my phones gps to guide me. But still... I have the whole car ride alone to think about the what ifs. 
 
Oh and I have to dress nice for this. Not to say I dress shabby for work, but I do tend to wear red and khaki that has been stained from my hard work. And since I don't like replacing these stained ones every payday... I'm wearing them out. But now I have to buy new khaki just for the interview so I look good. 
 
It was driving me mad today to think of these things. Then came the voice of clarity in the form of a great friend. He reminded me that if it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, then I have to trust that something better is ahead. And that I can't latch on too tightly. I'd truly be crushed if I don't get it. You know what? He's right. I'm pinning so much on this. Too much. And I shouldn't. I should relax and see how it goes...
On another note... I'm also worried about my mother whose health hasn't been too good. I'm frustrated by so much space being between us and my inability to assist her. Again... I have to accept that it is what it is and hope that all will be well. 
 
I'm considering putting my son into public school. Flashbacks of my days in public school are frightening. I didn't have friends. I got beat up too often. And while the teachers loved my dedication and ability to excel.... they hated how much I talked. Just out of boredom and to no one in particular. If my son is anything like me, I'm going to have to teach him to defend himself. I already know he has the talkative gene. He gets bored easily. I can already see parent/teacher meetings and report cards with comments of, "Please silence your child but continue to encourage him to learn!" Its a heavy decision to make. But one that needs to be made soon.
 
In the midst of my chaotic thoughts, I'm able to entertain thoughts of practical jokes at least. We drove into San Antonio to a Target about 30 minutes away. I'm still wearing my uniform and have the thought of randomly doing tasks I'd normally do at work and see who notices...
But then I found packages of Lego sets that were ripped open, a white board that was open and used then abandoned, 3 empty drinks... all in the same 2 aisles.
I tried to turn the opened packages over to an employee who just stared at me blankly... Then started asking if they were damaged... Seriously? Just a little dead in the head, aren't we? It was a crazy ghetto scene through the aisles. I know what store I DON'T want to work at. It gave me a little more confidence in myself. It made me laugh as I realized how pathetic it was.

No matter what, things happen for a reason. Good or bad, there's a purpose to everything. I just have to step back and remember that. I have to trust that God will see me through and that it will be better. Not easy... but doable. Just breath deep.... and enjoy the ride.

2 comments:

  1. I know it's hard to remember that all things happen for a reason. And when we want something bad we tend to forget what is truly most important in life. Maybe if you get the better job you can put your son in a small private school that will work with him? Life is full of options, you just got to figure them out!

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    1. This is true ^. I'm currently trying to work through plans and issues that have risen and I'm hoping for the better life.

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